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>>I have no voice, no vision nor mind >>I lost the purpose for who I am >>soul-less, I walk by empty time >>Without such things I am no man. >>The widow left and rested smiles >>she lives beyond my reach >>My heart has searched a million miles >>to drink the nectar of lover's peach. >> >>I've welted to the will of fate >>I've giving into destiny >>Letting go of hope to late >>Have I lost my precious yesterday? >>My life, like the mist from a waterfall >>drifts aimlessly towards God's design >>Would it be, this, my call >>A new life to find. >> >>A wakening has come to me >>resurrecting my empty bones >>with new inspiration I've come to see >>a life, not lived alone. >>I'll cherish all my yesterday's >>by living will and free >>for love has come again, my way >>and I've found a life for me. > >Okay, so this wasn't to bad, but it wasn't that good >either. What I mean is that it could have been much >better and your verse seems forced at certain points. >You leave out punctuations and place them where they >may not be necessary. >I could go on and on about your poem but I will say >only that it is the better of what I have read so far. >BUT, that is not saying much. >I hope you are not easily offended because I am only >giving a true perspective on your work. remember, >positive criticism can only make you a better writer.
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