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] Date Posted:20:46:29 11/16/00 Thu In reply to:
rustywire
's message, "moon shadows" on 20:58:41 11/14/00 Tue
Ha-ma' sii-daii gii, Ha-zzhai' sii-daii gii, aah-geii taai' ha-seii...... My parents used to tell me these words when we were growing up. I didn't pay too much attention to it at the time. After finishing school and military duties, jobs was more of presidence than any other goals or pursuance in life. After many youthful years, away from home most of the time and now, middle-aged and parents in the late seventies and early eighties have started seeing the moon shadows and its just not the Dineh way to be off wondering elsewhere in the world jungle when we do have a land there to call our own, within the sacred mountains.
Me and my family are living in a border town on account of our committment to our children and to our business, but what would be only a couple of hours drive seems like we have to wait for a holiday or a vacation so we can take the kids to their grandparents. Even being this close to HOME, we feel like we're being chained up to this rat-race society and I feel lonely at times, yearning to go home and eat mom's cooking once again. To once again attend someone's ceremony nearby and hear their voices and all the latest.
It probably will take pure will power for someone to take up such an ordeal to move back to their former homeland and start planting new (old) life back and keep up the culture? Every time that word comes up, it seems like its losing its original context.
My dad also told us that "when I die and lying there in the dust, don't bother to bury me"...Now I'm beginning to understand exactly what he means and shedding light on me with this post, I'm grateful.
After a few more years, I do want to go back home and start a life within the borders and continue what my parents have started. Not too many heads of sheep, the cattle, the ranch, the grazing permit, the home-site lease, the ever complaining three mile away neighbor, the good ol' chapter house, distant relatives, local functions, the ceremonies, a week planned trip to town, and a horse killing event (happens ever so often in our chapter to keep the colds away), is all within our grasp once more. I'm Looking forward to it.
Education IS good in the sense of keeping up with the rest of the world and your surroundings. We been introduced into this world by our past 'Nataanii"s'.....and we surely don't want to misjudge their decisions and start blaming them. I think we're at the crossroads at about this time and age, as to which way to turn regarding culture, traditions, language, government, and the original Dineh way of doing things. A few of us are of concern but population is expanding too rapidly and kids nowdays are more apt to modern tech. Where this puts us is like trying to put out a wild fire in our own backyard.
Russ! We're here, your relatives, by clan or by birthrights, your language is here, your grandpa's ceremonial practices is here(Alive and doing wonders), your stories about us are being heard around the globe, just to shake your hand would be an honor. You're with us, friend.
Where mom is, where dad is, IS home..............
> moon shadows come to mind as I sit here this evening.
> I have been thinking about the rights I have as a
> native american and it came to me that I really don't
> have any. There are all in the name of the tribe, and
> I have very little say as to what they do or act on.
>
> I receive nothing from them, since my family is not
> strong politically and I am far removed from the
> reservation I have no say in the affairs of home. I
> have been thinkng that even while home, my voice
> carries little wait.
>
> Where shall we be in the years ahead, will we continue
> on as a people or will the reservations be abolished
> through self determination. At home there are no jobs,
> no industry and being poor is the norm and with that I
> find I miss it still. I worry about my place, my
> family and people as we find ourselves in this new
> century.
>
> One thing that comes to mind is that what I write
> about is about the past, the way things were and I
> long to hear the songs of my youth, the voices of my
> family and the gatherings of the community. Much of
> that has passed on with those I knew. I wonder
> sometimes when I am a dead Indian laying in the dust
> where will my children go and their children. My home
> is no longer mine.
>
> What is the price of education, it is the loss of
> homelife, family and with it the need to work far from
> where I have come from. I look for my cousins, and
> find they are no more and I long to see them but they
> are not here. My soul is wondering about the life my
> children will lead, and that even as I sit here the
> moon casts faint light on the dreams I have.
>
> I want to lay in the sun, to have a place in my own
> land, but moreso than that to feel peace and
> contentment, and that is not near. Where is there a
> place to rest, to feel cool winds and have the sound
> of children laughing, the tinkle of sheep bells, the
> simple life.
>
> The sound of my father's voice and the sound of the
> screen door closing, the smell of coffee cooked
> outside, and getting ready for trips to town are gone.
> I think at times the Navajo Way provides for us to
> survive, the songs all center around survival of
> trials and hardships. Maybe they knew more, in this
> enlightened age, though I am surrounded by a new way
> of life, it offers me nothing.
>
> I missed the First Frost, the storing of wood for
> winter, the shearing of sheep and find that there is
> nothing to mark such times far from where I was born.
> I would like to have some things done in the
> traditional way, but on going home there was no around
> to discuss such matters. All my cousins are gone, my
> aunts are gone and even the day to day mail delivery
> of the mail is no more.
>
> Moonshadows come through the window, and provide a dim
> light to hold my dreams, to hold them in the light and
> they are faded, ghostly in their appearance. It is
> that way with life, we go on, we survive but I miss
> the riding songs and gatherings where I could walk in
> and have a cup of coffee and speak with my cousins,
> aunts and friends, they are all gone now from my home
> and there is not much more to say, except I see
> everything under the moons shadow and it is not the
> way I thought it would be.
>
> it was told to me, go out and get and education, find
> a place and then return, they didn't tell me that no
> one would be there when I got back....
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Date Posted:14:06:46 12/29/00 Fri
>When I get back, I am here! I can mourn the loss of my peoples or...I also have the choice, ability and capacity to celebrate the substance of myself and know I am the new moon body that creates the living shadows my daughters will remember and take with them when they leave home to create their own traditions and newlife. There is a wonder and powerful magic in overlaying the weave of the honorable old ways with the new fibers of today. Life will flow and continue; all that is sacred will be carried forward. Ho!
>
Date Posted:16:33:30 12/29/00 Fri
Thank you for your post, I was feeling kind of down when I wrote moon shadows and it was for a little bit. I spend yesterday with my sons, and they are growing into men now, each with their own way of doing things. It came to me it is the natural passage of life, and they are reaching out to far places and doing some things I could not do.
I guess in a way I see them as an extension of myself, and they are now working, going to school and starting a couple of them on their families. My daughter is going to Utah State this next quarter and she is excited to be going there. Two of her brothers are going there and working, they have a house and have made it s home, and since she is going up there it will be good for all of them to be together.
I have been thinking about home, going home and am working toward that end. I will be there for New Year's and plan on visiting around the community dropping in here and there.
Will be eating stew and taking a long look around. Yes, I can smell the coffee and feel the heat from the wood stove. Thanks for the post...rustywire
>>When I get back, I am here! I can mourn the loss of
>my peoples or...I also have the choice, ability and
>capacity to celebrate the substance of myself and know
>I am the new moon body that creates the living shadows
>my daughters will remember and take with them when
>they leave home to create their own traditions and
>newlife. There is a wonder and powerful magic in
>overlaying the weave of the honorable old ways with
>the new fibers of today. Life will flow and continue;
>all that is sacred will be carried forward. Ho!
>>
Date Posted:16:33:39 12/29/00 Fri
Thank you for your post, I was feeling kind of down when I wrote moon shadows and it was for a little bit. I spend yesterday with my sons, and they are growing into men now, each with their own way of doing things. It came to me it is the natural passage of life, and they are reaching out to far places and doing some things I could not do.
I guess in a way I see them as an extension of myself, and they are now working, going to school and starting a couple of them on their families. My daughter is going to Utah State this next quarter and she is excited to be going there. Two of her brothers are going there and working, they have a house and have made it s home, and since she is going up there it will be good for all of them to be together.
I have been thinking about home, going home and am working toward that end. I will be there for New Year's and plan on visiting around the community dropping in here and there.
Will be eating stew and taking a long look around. Yes, I can smell the coffee and feel the heat from the wood stove. Thanks for the post...rustywire
>>When I get back, I am here! I can mourn the loss of
>my peoples or...I also have the choice, ability and
>capacity to celebrate the substance of myself and know
>I am the new moon body that creates the living shadows
>my daughters will remember and take with them when
>they leave home to create their own traditions and
>newlife. There is a wonder and powerful magic in
>overlaying the weave of the honorable old ways with
>the new fibers of today. Life will flow and continue;
>all that is sacred will be carried forward. Ho!
>>
Date Posted:09:43:17 01/19/01 Fri
>
j rustywire- I like the image of you going home, eating stew and taking a long look around. What is home? I remember growing up in a physical building-calling this place "home" and, later, as I went to college, "home" telescoped and distanced into a Wisconsin town I visited on the weekends. Many years, many wanderings, many apartments, one husband and two daughters later, I accumulate the realization my external dwellings are a direct mirror of the values I hold within-my hardwon banked hearth of heartfire. I like that our children inherit our values- questioning, tempering, discarding and pruning them with the seasonings of their own unique life experiences. And...I like that we have strong, clean, honorable values to share with our children! Such a journey this is! jude
Thank you for your post, I was feeling kind of down
>when I wrote moon shadows and it was for a little bit.
>I spend yesterday with my sons, and they are growing
>into men now, each with their own way of doing things.
>It came to me it is the natural passage of life, and
>they are reaching out to far places and doing some
>things I could not do.
>
>I guess in a way I see them as an extension of myself,
>and they are now working, going to school and starting
>a couple of them on their families. My daughter is
>going to Utah State this next quarter and she is
>excited to be going there. Two of her brothers are
>going there and working, they have a house and have
>made it s home, and since she is going up there it
>will be good for all of them to be together.
>
>I have been thinking about home, going home and am
>working toward that end. I will be there for New
>Year's and plan on visiting around the community
>dropping in here and there.
>Will be eating stew and taking a long look around.
>Yes, I can smell the coffee and feel the heat from the
>wood stove. Thanks for the post...rustywire
>
>
>
>>>When I get back, I am here! I can mourn the loss of
>>my peoples or...I also have the choice, ability and
>>capacity to celebrate the substance of myself and know
>>I am the new moon body that creates the living shadows
>>my daughters will remember and take with them when
>>they leave home to create their own traditions and
>>newlife. There is a wonder and powerful magic in
>>overlaying the weave of the honorable old ways with
>>the new fibers of today. Life will flow and continue;
>>all that is sacred will be carried forward. Ho!
>>>
