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[> Subject: Re: moon shadows
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Author:
Judy
[Edit]
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Date Posted: 15:12:54 04/05/01 Thu
Rustywire: What you wrote is sad, but so beautiful. I have been reading your writings and have just been captivated by your words. I just wanted to thank you for your honesty and sincerity.
>moon shadows come to mind as I sit here this evening.
>I have been thinking about the rights I have as a
>native american and it came to me that I really don't
>have any. There are all in the name of the tribe, and
>I have very little say as to what they do or act on.
>
>I receive nothing from them, since my family is not
>strong politically and I am far removed from the
>reservation I have no say in the affairs of home. I
>have been thinkng that even while home, my voice
>carries little wait.
>
>Where shall we be in the years ahead, will we continue
>on as a people or will the reservations be abolished
>through self determination. At home there are no jobs,
>no industry and being poor is the norm and with that I
>find I miss it still. I worry about my place, my
>family and people as we find ourselves in this new
>century.
>
>One thing that comes to mind is that what I write
>about is about the past, the way things were and I
>long to hear the songs of my youth, the voices of my
>family and the gatherings of the community. Much of
>that has passed on with those I knew. I wonder
>sometimes when I am a dead Indian laying in the dust
>where will my children go and their children. My home
>is no longer mine.
>
>What is the price of education, it is the loss of
>homelife, family and with it the need to work far from
>where I have come from. I look for my cousins, and
>find they are no more and I long to see them but they
>are not here. My soul is wondering about the life my
>children will lead, and that even as I sit here the
>moon casts faint light on the dreams I have.
>
>I want to lay in the sun, to have a place in my own
>land, but moreso than that to feel peace and
>contentment, and that is not near. Where is there a
>place to rest, to feel cool winds and have the sound
>of children laughing, the tinkle of sheep bells, the
>simple life.
>
>The sound of my father's voice and the sound of the
>screen door closing, the smell of coffee cooked
>outside, and getting ready for trips to town are gone.
> I think at times the Navajo Way provides for us to
>survive, the songs all center around survival of
>trials and hardships. Maybe they knew more, in this
>enlightened age, though I am surrounded by a new way
>of life, it offers me nothing.
>
>I missed the First Frost, the storing of wood for
>winter, the shearing of sheep and find that there is
>nothing to mark such times far from where I was born.
>I would like to have some things done in the
>traditional way, but on going home there was no around
>to discuss such matters. All my cousins are gone, my
>aunts are gone and even the day to day mail delivery
>of the mail is no more.
>
>Moonshadows come through the window, and provide a dim
>light to hold my dreams, to hold them in the light and
>they are faded, ghostly in their appearance. It is
>that way with life, we go on, we survive but I miss
>the riding songs and gatherings where I could walk in
>and have a cup of coffee and speak with my cousins,
>aunts and friends, they are all gone now from my home
>and there is not much more to say, except I see
>everything under the moons shadow and it is not the
>way I thought it would be.
>
>it was told to me, go out and get and education, find
>a place and then return, they didn't tell me that no
>one would be there when I got back....
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