Date Posted:14:33:27 11/29/07 Thu Author: amy Subject: given up
im 18yrs old been on heroin since i was 15... at the age off 15 i had been moved away frm home where all i used 2 do was smoke weed... my mum thought that i was realy bad even thou she smokes weed does pills, trips ect... she moved me away tryin 2 get me away frm it then ended up kickin me out it was my fault as i wasnt the best behaved... i ended up seein a 29yr old n getin 1 hell off an adiction he then went 2 prison n i ended up livin wiv 1 of the biggest dealers near where i live he moved in2 my flat wiv me i got givin half of his gear n money as i let him live wiv me so my habit went thro the roof he also then ended up goin 2 prison... by then i had had my eviction notice as i had been busted in raids 6 times... i then moved bak wiv my mum i have stopped whilst livin here once all ready went bk on it n now im stoppin again have had ne 4 2weeks doesnt sound long but it feels like a long time since i done ne i have been takin subytex which i bought off sum1 i now have a job n things r lookin beter but i still cant help feelin sum times that i will always go bak 2 it n will always b a smack head as i no no otha way it sounds stupid im only 18 but i feel lke i ave had 2 grow up quick i have been in n out of bnbs hostel ect i should now b feelin as i have almost concerd my addiction as things r so much beta but i dont... i have all ways been around addicts my nans an acoholic brotha a crack head n my mum loves here uppers n every 1 in the hostels loved doin drugs i feel this is the only way 4 me 2 live life every 1 i no every 1 of my mates r on smack i do not have 1 mate who is clean i no not wat 2do 2 help my self i feel that i cant or mayb dont want 2 help my self mayb i want 2 b on smack deep down in my head i dont but then in my head more often than not iam thinkin about wen im next gunnu get money 2 do it i think the only reason i havnt done it recently is as i have no money i fear the day i get paid which is in a few days the 1st thing i will do is buy some gear i feel im very weak n have an addictive peronsality wich does not help... i fear i will alwys have an addiction n will neva b able 2 stop 4 gd
