Date Posted:07:30:24 02/13/08 Wed Author:Asha Subject: Re: what to do now??? In reply to:
Eric
's message, "Re: what to do now???" on 21:13:23 01/21/08 Mon
Dumping him is not going to force him to quit, but nor should you enable him & tell him it's totally fine with you that he keep using etc. He is the only one who can make himself quit, but being supportive & loving does much more help than the "tough love" idea of disowning someone because they have a drug problem. Depression is one of the leading causes of heroin use, so making someone more depressed is probably not going to help. He is probably telling you to leave him because he feels bad about himself & doesn't want to hurt you. You do have to be prepared that if you stay with him he still may not quit & that it may have nothing to do with you. However, when I quit one of the greatest helps in my life was having a boyfriend who was understanding but who didn't use & wanted me to get clean. Once I quit, it helped me stay clean because I thought I might lose the person I love if I started using again.
If you decide to stay with him my advice is:
- Don't let him think you're ok with his drug use, don't give him money for drugs all the time or let him use in front of etc.
- Don't get mad at him when he does use & encourage him to be honest about his drug use; if he feels like you are going to get furious every time he uses he will just lie to you about it
- When you talk to him about it don't focus on the drug use as "wrong" or immoral" but instead focus on how it affects his life, your life & your relationship.
- Don't threaten him or give him a deadline to get clean but do make sure he knows you want to be supportive & give him any help you can.
I have lots more advice but this post is getting long & some of it really depends on the person. Some people DO need to hit rock bottom before they will get help, but if he is anything like me he needs your love & support.
