Date Posted:21:36:21 02/13/08 Wed Author:Asha Subject: Re: What should be done In reply to:
Ellie
's message, "What should be done" on 23:32:08 01/11/08 Fri
There are some useful links on this website, including:
http://helpingaddicts.net/parent_of_addict.htm
http://helpingaddicts.net/drug_using_partner.htm
http://helpingaddicts.net/helping_an_addict.htm
You have to realize there is only so much you can do without sacrificing your own well-being, but that addicts need love & support. Forcing him to move out is probably not going to help him or make him want to get clean, however if it is adversely affecting your life you may have to make that decision at some point. For the meantime, you could "junkie-proof" your home, don't leave money & valuables where he can be tempted to steal them. If he were not using he would probably not be stealing from you, & I'm sure he feels bad about it, it's just that addiction makes your body value drugs above anything else, you feel like getting them is a life-or-death situation (sometimes it is if he has a really big habit), & when you are feeling sick all you can think about is how to get some dope to feel normal again, so ones' ethics/morals often go out the window. If you can afford to you could offer an alternative to him stealing from you, such as if he promises not to steal from you you will give him money in exchange for work around the house. If he is really dope-sick the last thing he wants to do is work all day before he can get his money to go score, so if he is already sick you could try giving him part of the money first, then when he has gotten his drugs he will have to do the work, if you think he would actually come back & do that. You could also consider giving him some restrictions on his living there, don't give him a deadline to get clean (because he'll only disappoint you & will feel like you don't understand) but perhaps make rules such as: he can't steal from you & that if he is thinking about it that badly to at least ask to borrow some money instead, he must contribute around the house in some way, he must not abuse the fact that you care about him, use you just for money or cost you more than you can afford; he must be safe about the quantity & method of drugs he is doing so that he does not od in your house or leave needles around etc. Make sure he knows that you love him & are not against him, that you just want to minimize the impact his drug use has on your life. Feel free to let me know if you need to talk or have any issues that come up that you need help with. Good luck :)
