Yes I am. But that doesn't mean I have "got over" the abuse I suffered as a child. I don't suppose I'll ever "get over" it.
My Grandad never "got over" the hell he went through in the trenches. He never talked about it that much, but he never "got over" it, he was only a boy when he joined up, he was 15 years old, he didn't want the girls to give him a feather. My Grandad was really brave, but he never "got over" the war - but he went and fought in the second world war as well, to "do his bit". Everyone has a go at the uncouth way Black Country people talk, as if they are the scum of the earth, it makes me feel really mad, because they just want to judge people and label them as scum, but there were some right brave and noble people come from the Black country and my Grandad was one of them. He went to fight because he didn't want this country to be invaded, he wanted to protect his family. I'm brave too - I got abused in that horrible children's "home", then I had to fight for seven years in the secret and illegal courts to look after my son, and now I'm fighting for the Jersey survivors and the secret family court parents to get justice. So yes, I am brave, just as my Grandad was brave.
The Jesus Army told me to "get over" it. They laughed at me when I was crying, when I had flashbacks. They knew why I was crying, and what had happened to me. They encouraged me to "share" so I did. Then, I had to "get over" it. They lay hands on you and mutter prayers over you and if you don't "get over" it after they have gone to all that amount of trouble and bother, then you're a filthy bad ungrateful sinner.
I am strong, because I'm still here, I didn't drink or drug myself to death, like some of the other kids who were locked in the celler cells. I am strong because I fight for the others who can't "get over" it, I fight for them and hope and pray that they'll keep going, and that they will get justice, that they won't get kicked around any more, and I fight with the Government, as Jack Straw and Bridget Prentice know only too well!
The Jesus People kicked me when I was at my most vunerable, they might as well have given me a physical kicking with bovver boots on, I probably would have healed a lot quicker from physical violence than the subtle sneaky kicking they gave me. I trusted those people and they betrayed me, and that bloody well hurts, it still hurts so much. Don't know if I will ever "get over" it. They sneer at me in my home town, because everyone has seen me crying. I've had panic attacks, during the secret family court seven year trial. I've heard them whispering about me behind my back, I just have to ignore it, it isn't any good saying anything. Some people just find it jolly funny to mock someone who is upset.
The Jesus People are supposed to show people the way to God. Well how can they do that if they sneer at people who have been afflicted? I don't know why God allowed me to be abused so many times, but I do know that God is alive and helps people these days, and I also know that he does not like kicking and sneering, but gentleness and kindness and goodness. You don't have to be a wimp to be gentle and kind and good, but if you say that you are a Christian then you ought to make a jolly good effort to be all of those things, otherwise you're just going to make people think that God is like the devil, because they expect to see God's character reflected in yours.
