>I cringe when I hear JAs calling us bitter because it
>just goes to show how little things have really
>changed; it is what has always been said of us as a
>way of discrediting what we say.
>
>In effect, what Noel has always said is, "What they
>say cannot be trusted because they are just bitter"
>
>And because we heard ex members being mad-mouthed and
>discredited in exactly this way (while we were loyal
>members), it must have made us absolutely determined
>to live a more righteous life as an ex-member....and
>to imagine that it would be possible to leave the JA
>and yet still be respected by them if we could live
>un-backslidden lives?
>
>I did this. I am quite convinced now that the reason I
>stayed a Christian for years after I left was less to
>do with conviction than with hope and
>determination...and sheer bloody-mindedness. I hoped
>that the real God was bigger and more compassionate
>than the JFC God, and that he would forgive me for
>leaving and would not damn me, as the fellowship said
>he would. But I also I hoped that if I continued as a
>Christian the JFC would honour me as someone who had
>not backslidden. And I was determined to live a good
>life and not fall away.
>
>But I was completely delusional.....mainly because I
>believed that people who I thought loved me would want
>to think the best of me. I'd forgotten that we only
>ever loved people who agreed with us.
>
>The simple fact is that it didn't matter how
>righteous, God-loving, faithful etc you were, the JFC
>were going to speak ill of you and characterise your
>leaving as a treachery against the kingdom of God.
>
>You can't leave.....really leave.....without being
>trashed on some level or other. After all, even people
>who did not leave but who just moved out of community
>into baptism-only membership, who I know thought of
>themselves as still approved of, were spoken of
>quietly as compromising, backsliding, worldly, etc.
>
>If our own brothers and sisters were trashed behind
>their backs for changing their status WITHIN the
>fellowship, what chance did someone who went to
>another church stand of being held in good esteem?
>
>No matter how good, wholesome, well-intentioned or
>honourable a leaver from the fellowship might be, he
>or she will be regarded as a lesser person, a
>non-person, a bitter person, etc...
>
>My greatest liberty from the JFC came from realising
>that I was living a life where I still wanted to be
>approved of by them even though I had left them and
>was speaking critically about them. Their warped value
>system didn't have power over me anymore when I
>reasised that....and stopped using their vocabulary to
>characterise my leaving and my attitude towards them.
>
>So, it really doesn't matter that they think that my
>continued criticism of them is "bitterness". I
>continue to criticise them because they continue to
>hurt people on a grander scale than other churches.
>Should I care if they call me bitter? It is entirely
>irrelevant.
>
>Rachel is quite right about the need to forgive. It
>would be absurd for me to continue to be bitter after
>all these years, because it would have been impossible
>to move on in my life. They will say that we have not
>moved on. But of course we all have....it is just that
>we still have an interest in what goes on in the JA,
>
>....and thank goodness we do. I had emails from a
>woman earlier this year who left the JA and wrote to
>thank me for keeping this place going because it gave
>her hope that it was possible to challenge the JA
>mindset and survive.
>
>But if some here have not yet moved on, then let us be
>compassionate and not judge them. Rachel's judgement
>of them matters least of all because she hasn't yet
>had the courage to challenge the warped JA mindset or
>to face the way that the brethren judge anyone who
>questions. She says some here are bitter. Well, maybe
>they are and, more importantly, maybe they have good
>reason to be. Being bitter does not discredit anyone
>or make their complaints less legitimate.
>
>You were right to be bitter.
>
>You are/were RIGHT to be bitter because you put your
>trust in someone and something which lied to you,
>abused your trust and then when you used your
>God-given reason to question the authority of people
>who tried to usurp the position which Jesus should
>have held in your life, rubbished and rejected you.
>You were faithful and they were unfaithful to you -
>not the other way round.
>
>People who leave, very often have to leave, as I did,
>not because we were unfaithful to the Lord or to his
>church, but because the church had been unfaithful to
>us, because it would not love us when we acted as
>complete humans and dared to think for ourselves.
>
>On the freedom from having to judge people, I wrote
>this:
>href="http://ja-1984.blogspot.com/2007/10/being-free-no
>t-to-judge-especially-not.html">http://ja-1984.blogspot
>.com/2007/10/being-free-not-to-judge-especially-not.htm
>l
I wouldn't class myself as bitter either, but I can understand those who are, and I am sure I was myslef for a time, but it was probably this that partly gave me the strength to leave for good.
It is important to keep talking about this and all the issues, as people are not simply leaving a church but a whole mindset. The reason we should not simply shut up and crawl away is that people who are leaving need to, literally find new words and ways of framing their experiences to give them strength and know they are not being attacked by the devil or becoming mentally ill.
So Rachel I am neither bitter nor demonised, but bloody relieved not to be in the Jesus Army !!!
