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>>>Its time we all started to respect each other. I was >>>in Jesus army for 25 years . And I know from friends >>>who are still members felt let down by the structure >>>of the church. >>> >>>When I joined I was a dope smoking hippy and all the >>>love and happy faces just made sense to me. I kind of >>>got sucked into it all. >>> >>>The years went by and I thought we were the chosen >>>ones. It was like a collective mind set that we all >>>became part of. >>>I do not blame Noel in anyway because he really >>>thought he was following the lord and we were only >too >>>willing to be lead. >>>The way I behaved i have repented .It started of with >>>good intensions but some how we got lost along the >>way. >>> >>>Anyway if I hurt anyone at my jumbo nights etc .I >>>would like to say sorry. And i really do seek >>>forgiveness as i know noel would as well if he was >>>here now. >>> >>>What I do know now is we have to be the peace we want >>>in the world. Inner peace leads to world peace. >>> >>>Going back over the past over and over again just >>>builds more bitterness and leads to more hurt. >>> >>>Yes even church leaders get things wrong. >>> >>>Its where do we go from here? Life is an open book >>>from this moment on. >>> >>> >>>Love rufus >> >> >> >>Hi rufus >> >>How you doing? do you still visit the jesus army? >>Great to hear from you,and hope you are doing good >> >> >>nelly > >Dear Rufus! > >I only hope I've got this in the right place - I don't >really know how to use this forum as I've only posted >here three or four times. > >BUT, hat's off to you!! I'm sure you must be aware >what an influence you had on me back in 1977 when I >visited Bugbrooke for the first time. I sat next to >you in the minibus back to Bady Road. Do you remember? >And yet, dear friend (I mean that sincerely) when I >came to live there you lied to me about Jonathan (Yes! >It was a lie!) You told me I couldn't go and see him >because 'I needed to make friendships at the farm'. I >took you at your word. It was sometime later that I >found out that Jonathan had actually 'split'. > >You talk about healing and forgiveness and all the >rest of it...and everything within me wants to agree >with you. But, dear friend (will you allow me to call >you that?), I wonder if you have been driven to the >suicidal despair that I and many others I've heard >from have been? > >I was sent a letter when I left from 'the elders' >(which, allegedly, included yourself) tellng me that >the judgement of Matthew 18, part 3, was being applied >to me - i.e. I was being consigned to the judgement of >God. A few years later this came back to haunt me and >I spent nearly a whole year in a mental hospital under >suicide watch desperately afraid that I was under the >wrath of a vengeful God. I used to pace up and down >the ward every day wondering how I could escape from >the eyes of the staff and kill myself. Once, I >managed to do so! I bought a whole bottle of >paracetemol from a nearby pharmacy, wrote a letter to >my wife and two young children (2 yrs and 4yrs old), >and began taking the tablets. After about 20 tablets, >I had to keep going to the bathroom to get water so I >could swallow them. A nurse saw me and put a stop to >it all!! > >When I eventually got out of the hospital, I wasn't >really any better...I was just able to control myself >a bit more, that's all. Do you know what? I rang Noel >up to tell him what kind of state I was in. He spent >precisely one minute talking to me and then hung up. >Since then, I have been an implacable opponent of all >that he stands for - and will continue to be until I >stop gettng letters and emails from people who tell me >more or less the same kind of thing that I went through > >Why, I beg, do you and others treat him with such >graciousness? If, as you suggest, he only thought he >was following the Lord, then why, pray God, was there >never ever a word of remorse from him for the way I >was treated?? > >As for you, dear Rufus (remember the story of the guys >at New Creation hall who called out for 'Rufus' and >you responded - though they really meant 'roofers'?), >you have obviously changed so much and I hold no >malice whatsoever towards you! > >More than that! I hope that the next time I'm in >London (I go there fairly frequently) we can get >together and I'll treat you to a meal. We can have a >good old laugh about the many happy times we spent >together. > >Thank you for saying sorry to Barbara, it means a LOT >to her! > >With love, > >John
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