Can anyone offer me any advice??? -- Madbird World

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Subject: Can anyone offer me any advice???

Author:
Ruby

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Date Posted: 13:25:56 09/22/06 Fri
Author Host/IP: user-514d0c8f.l3.c1.dsl.pol.co.uk/81.77.12.143

My Problem is this:

When I was in primary school I fell in love with someone called Skye.

But then when it came too high school, he got sent to a private all boy's school far away and I got sent to the local comprehensive.

I thought I'd NEVER see him EVER again and despaired.

Around about the same time my Grandmother of whom I was VERY close to died. She practically raised me.My mother never seemed to bother with me. However I never noticed this neglect (by my mother)until my Grandma died.

I noticed that I was very unsupported by my mother and in general uncared for. Sometimes she was also emotionally abusive towards me--sometimes she could be so nasty she'd make me cry.

Because of all these things(the death of my Grandma, the loss of Skye and also the uncaring attituse at home) I began to feel very depressed.

Then I made a TERRIBLE mistake:

Somedays I felt so low I found it almost impossible to think about the future and sometimes couldn't find the will-power to get up in the mornings.I started to refuse to go to school asn I felt so low and i couldn't bring myself to/didn't know how to move on from Skye...and my Grandma....didn't want a life..if it was going to be without them...didn't see the point. I missed Skye so so much and could not come to terms with the fact that one of the people of whom I loved more than anyone in the world...had vanished from my life FOREVER! It was like a nightmare! I couldn't believe that I'd probably never see him ever again/be with him.

I'd been bullied VERY VERY badly at the primary school i went to (before I moved to the one Skye was at)which also made me quite nervous of people and scared of school too.However I recieved no help, no counselling or anything(do you think this was neglect?)

I refused to go to High school on-and-off for the first three years by which time I was REALLY REALLY very behind in my work.I then refused to go to school altoghether as I couldn't cope any more with my life. I was SEVERELY depressed and wasn't thinking logically. I ended up having 5 measly hours of home tuition per week, for the next two years which should have been spent in school. Unsurprisingly I then failed all my GCSEs (apart from one, where I got a 'C' in English)I felt so depressed. I then have stupidly stayed at home doing nothing for the past two years as I have felt too embarrassed to face the world and I have also been struggling with SEVERE depression.........I am now 18. :(

However this is now my problem(of which i need your advice on) :

I am 18 years old and I have realised that I realy HAVE to do someting about my life. i.e. go to college

my problem is I still REALLY really love Skye

the thing is I did have brief contact with him a few years ago and recieved comformation that BACK THEN he liked me.But he didn't know about me missing school back then. you see I sent him a valentine's card saying 'I think you're the most lovely person in the universe and always will no matter what!

I now want??/need to go to college. However I have just found out thet the college I wanted to attend is right next door to the top educational sixth form which Skye goes to. If I go there then I will definantely bump into him�but the thing is he will NEVER EVER be interested in me now (even if he used to be when I was ok).how on earth canI explain to him WHY I refused to go to school? He�s going to think I am a bad person .

But the thing is he's studyiwng 'A' levels at a top sixth form college. And I .....will probably have to go on an Entry level course and learn really basic stuff like how to cook, use public transport etc(basically for absolute dim-wits)

He'll NEVER EVER be interested in me now. He's in a different league to me. He's so clever.but this is killing me. I wish I could be with him more than anything in the world but as soon as he finds out that's it....my dream...dead......finished

Also even if I go to a different college, it's inevitable that i'll bump into him whilst out and about anyway.(I just can�t believe that I DIDN�T THINK ABOUT THIS years ago�.i just wasn�t thinking properly) But If I ignore him then he'll think I'm not interested i him, when I am. But if I talk to him he'll not like me anyway when he finds out what I've done. He'll think I;m a terrible person.

The thing is (and I really need your help on this) HOW ON EARTH DO I EXPLAIN TO HIM ABOUT HOW I REFUSED TO GO TO SCHOOL--AND WORST OF ALL WHY? HE'LL NOT THINK VERY WELL OF ME ONCE I'VE TOLD HIM. I'M not going to lie. I need him to know the truth.my other problem is that when I refused to go to school--s did my sister(only she didn't have a valid reason) she simply wouldn't go just because I was off school and didn't see why she should go either.HOW ON EARTG CAN I EXPLAIN TO HIM HOW MY SISTER IS NOW IN THE SAME SITUATION I'M IN?HE'LL THINK MY FAMILY ARE AWFUL. I AM 18 YEARS old now btw...and am getting severely worried about my future.

I also have another question: it's just I have thought about asking Skye if he would consider going out with me when he comes back from University.(by which time I might have been able to catch up a bit in college and might not be so dim) What do you think about this idea?

However I have a problem.....by my calculations if I started on an entry level course at college this year then according to college it would take me 4 years of college approximately before I would be ready to go to University.............but by the time I would be leaving to go to University...Skye would most likely be just coming back from his.....so how can I ever be with him.

HELP. I feel heart-broken...it just isn't fair...i've loved him for years.

How can i have a relationship with him if i have to go to Uni, and he'll be somewhere else????Can you offer me any advice?

PLEASE HELP ME. By the way I live in England.

Is it selfish to hold onto HIM? Please be honest? I have failed all my exams. Do you think Skye would have a bad life if it was with me?Because how can i possibly have any sort of a future now that I've failed all my exams? How can i have any sort of a decent future now that I've failed all my exams?? would Skye have a bad life if it was with me? Am I being selfish wanting to hold onto him? It's just he is studying A levels and has a great career/future ahead of him.....and I have failed my exams...will have to go on an entry level course......and therfore don't see what sort of a future I could offer him :( I couldn't bear it if he was unhappy. Am i being selfish wanting to hold onto him?
Also..................even if Ian did still like me and want to go out with me (which i doubt:'(......but If he did..) then I still have a problem...his mother would deeply dissaprove of/dislike me (as I am so uneducated) and she would think me unworthy of her son.I rememeber her saying years ago to someone that she wants Ian to have 'THE BEST' and meet a nice girl at Uni. HELP!! What can I do about this?
Also I need to ask you:...is it selfish to hold onto HIM? Please be honest!!!!!!!!!!! I have failed all my exams. Do you think Skye would have a bad life if it was with me?Because how can i possibly have any sort of a future now that I've failed all my exams? How can i have any sort of a decent future now that I've failed all my exams?? would Skye have a bad life if it was with me? Am I being selfish wanting to hold onto him? It's just he is studying A levels and has a great career/future ahead of him.....and I have failed my exams...will have to go on an entry level course......and therfore don't see what sort of a future I could offer him :( I couldn't bear it if he was unhappy.
ALSO HOW ON EARTH DO I EXPLAIN TO HIM ABOUT HOW I REFUSED TO GO TO SCHOOL?
I'm so sorry for re-contacting you again but simply wondered whether you could possibly offer me your opinion on this
Is it selfish to want to hold onto him?????

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