| Subject: Re: It is far more complex... |
Author:
Alexander
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Date Posted: 09:05:44 01/04/04 Sun
Author Host/IP: 213.205.70.100
In reply to:
Gary
's message, "It is far more complex..." on 13:33:04 01/03/04 Sat
Dear Gary, you speak wisely and I thank you for that. Of course nothing is ever simple, it's more like a figure of speech. And this is certainly not simple. I have, in fact, spoken to her. She told me she didn't love me anymore and I've been feeling very lousy ever since. It was not my problem, I was a great husband, etc., etc. You're also right when you mention depression, I think, or you may be, at least. She doesn't seem very happy and wakes up in the middle of the night unable to sleep. From what I know, that can be a sign of depression... Now, the reasons for that depression, psychological, physiological, both, that's a different matter. Frankly, it's hard for me to understand how one directs one's thought (because even feelings are also thoughts, I think) so negatively as to destroy a good companionship, a good friendship, a family with a young son. I see it happening around me and I just don't get it. At least the person I am now doesn't function that way. What the hell is happening to the world? Not to mention to my world, of course. Have people been reading too many novels, watching too many movies, what? Anyway, I spoke with her as calmly as I could and I'm trying to be as calm as possible - even as she stopped wearing her wedding ring, for example -, trying to fix things if they can indeed be fixed and disregarding my irritation and my impossibility of understanding the world and the easy way things are destructed these days. You see, my relationship and my family are the most important thing for me. I must say it's hard, specially if I can get no results from it. We even made love but she's still acting strangely. And I guess she'll go on acting strangely for a period of time I ignore. "Maybe I'm just being romantic", she said when I told her about the importance of frienship and of companionship. Well, I don't know what else I can do about it except for being strong and losing some of my health and some of my trust in the world along with it, while always ignoring the outcome. I admit if I could just let it go as many people do things could be easier for me... But, I told you, my family is very important for me and I'm unable to understand these ways of the world except for the theory. I worry about myself but I also worry about her (plus, there have been more or less similar things in the past, she starts behaving depressedly and - maybe - making not much sense, at least for me, that is) and I certainly worry about my son. I also wonder if she hasn't fallen in love with a certain idiot (sorry for expressing myself that way) whom I believe to be innocent regarding the whole matter, anyway... Well, I suppose I've already spoken too much. Thank you and thanks for reading. :)
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