Subject:  Endings are really BEGINNINGS!!!! |
Author:
Gary
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Date Posted: 22:30:45 02/13/04 Fri
Author Host/IP: 207.69.138.135
In reply to:
Boo
's message, "Re: What would you like your future to be?" on 23:47:56 02/12/04 Thu
Dear Boo,
Thank you for your very heart felt reply. Let's take what you have said one step at a time.
>I lost my dad whom I truly adored in July last year, he had a stroke in 2002 and could not speak or do anything for himself. That put a huge strain in my life cause though he was part of my life he was not actively involved in the decisions that I had to make.
>
>I got engaged in December 2002 and he already had a stroke then. We then got married in April 2003 and we could not celebrate cause I wanted him to walk me down the aisle so we just signed at the magistrate court.
>
>My mother took care of him and he really looked healthy and as though he was recovering.
Let's start here. You were very gifted with a father whom you could really relate to. How wonderful! His leaving, coupled with the other disappointments and circumstances in your life, have left you depressed and lost. This is very understandable. You are in "transiton," and what you have experienced is the first phase of transition called Endings.
Endings always seems so final, and they are from where you now are. But, in fact, they are really beginnings. What was your world is now gone (the old paradigm is broken). Right now, without an anchor to your old world, you are drifting. The second phase of transitions is The Void.
The Void is what you described with the words: "I am actually not sure where I want to be and what I would change in my life now." In The Void you are to give up trying to figure out what you want. You are to mentally rest and avoid making any major decisions. This is a spiritually fallow time for you. It can last quite a while (i.e., well over a year).
Out of this period will come a new thought, a new inspiration, of what you are as a person. But for it to come, you have to release the old and just live one day at a time. If you wish a better understanding of this (and transitions), please purchase William Bridges or Robert Brumet's books on transitions.
You are not crazy, or wrong to be where you are right now. It is uncomfortable, very uncomfortable. But if you can understand that your life will probably last eighty years, then please be kind to yourself during these coming years and months. Appreciate those around you, and yourself.
The third phase is the New Beginnings. It is when you start to accept the inspiration that came up for you in The Void, and move forward on that inspiration. All this will take time, because it is like building up your strength. You are intentionally being made weak now because you must build up a new type of strength, a strength that has not been revealed to you yet.
You say that you were "... blessed with caring and loving parents and I thank God for that. My dad was my pillar of strength and he sacrificed a lot of things to make sure that I get a tertiary qualification and be independent." Now is the time to realize that your folks have well prepared you for your transition journey. You can do it!
>Now that he is gone I have a huge void that neither my mother and husband can fill, so I started to long for a baby. It might have been for the wrong reasons at first but now I know that I am ready to bring a life into this world.
>
>We have been trying for a couple of months now to nonvain, though I keep my stress levels low and maintain a healthy lifestyle. There were times when I gave up hope but I know that God loves me.
Again, the above needs to be placed in perspective. It is not your mother's or your husband's job or ability to fill any void inside of yourself. What you father was trying to do with you was for you to fill-out that void inside yourself with your own spiritual growth. He saw that you can do that, and apparently left early so that you would have to continue your journey toward wholeness under your own power. It simply was time for you to do that.
Second, please realize that we live in a fast world where minutes and seconds are units of measurement. But the seasons of life (and nature) do not run by a clock. They are processes that take their own path and time. Please realize that we want to always fix things now, but nature (and God) knows that some time is also required in any solution. Spring does not come on any schedule, and only after Fall and Winter have run their course.
>I really wonder if I will be able to get babies of my own and have the kind of relationship that I had with my dad with them.
My comment here is "probably not." Your dad and you were very connected. But that connection had it's purpose in your growth and preparation. You may be called for a different purpose with your children, but with that preparation in your background.
Also, please remember that your connection with your father still exists, and that he can help you even more from where he is right now. Talk to him about where you are and what your thoughts are. In fact, you have the Heaven's cheering you forward as you take each new step.
>I am going thru trying times and it is very difficult to live for just today and wait for tomorrow to come.
Exactly. But that is what transitions are for. They force us to see that only the present moment needs our attention. In that moment is all the guidance and love we will need. And each present moment holds forth the chance that your inspiration will come forth to your consciousness.
Be of great cheer, for good news is coming to you. You are a child of God, and you volunteered to take on the very task you are now facing because you can do it, and deep within yourself you know that. Go to that well, and drink deeply from it.
God Bless You! You are greatly loved! (And you are on more than one prayer list.)
Blessings,
Gary
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