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Date Posted: 11:27:18 11/02/02 Sat
Author: Karla
Subject: Chapter Five

Celery puts us straight to work when we get home but it goes okay because we both have the excellent motivation of a kiss following every right answer. Our new study system goes fine until the twins arrive on the scene in the middle of a kiss I was giving Celery for remembering all the amendments to the Young Offenders Act.

"Whoa," They say in unison.

Most twins are a little freaky, but my brothers are freakily freaky. For example. They dress alike - unintentionally. How is this possible you ask? Well when they turned six and even my mom thought it was no longer cute to dress them alike she started taking them shopping separately. They still came home with the same exact clothes. And you know how there's usually a quieter, less out going one and another one who's loud with less inhibition? Not in this family, where weirdness is king. They think a like, they talk alike, and they act a like. They like all the same things with an equal fervour and hate all the same things with a matched passion. It's VERY hard to tell them a part. One of the only ways they're like normal twins is that they love to trick people, but even that they take to a freaky level cause it often works.

"Nobody told us you were dating," Jon whines.

"It only just happened a couple days a go. We meant to take an ad out in the school paper - you know, something tasteful-" for Buffy reasons, Celery smirks. "Or maybe rent some space on a billboard, but we kept forgetting. Do you think you can ever forgive us?" They grin. There is not WAY I was that young when I was 14.

"Sure bro. It's cool. We're happy for you guys," Jon's been their spokesperson for this round but don't let that fool you. Dave takes the lead his share of the time. I guess they'd said their piece, because after that they start rooting around for eats. A bag of cookies and giant glasses of milk in hand, Jon and Dave are gone again in no time.

"They're cute," I raise my eye browns.

"Are they?" I'm kind of on a 'who does he think is cute or hot' mission. He frowns.

"Man, they're your brothers. Don't be gross. I meant little kid cute. Jeez."

"Okay. I was only asking. They're not YOUR brothers after all," He shrugs.

"They might as well be," Okay, so that's true, he's right, and I'm a bastard. What else is new?

"You're right, sorry," I say making a wimpy go for his hand. He closes the gap and holds my fingers firmly.

"It's not something I'm going to get upset about Care, it's fine. I know by now that when stuff comes out of your mouth that seems mean chances are pretty good you didn't mean it the way it sounded,"

"I just wanted to make sure I wasn't sticking my foot in my mouth, or that if I was, you knew I..."

"I knew, don't sweat it. I don't get upset about that anymore either,"

"Low blow!" I protest. He laughs.

"I just get you back instead," I shake my head.

"You're an ass," He grins.

"A sexy ass," I'm about to push the books off the table, lift him on to it and jump him (just as a joke you understand) but Kara comes in through the back door with Sue looking for refreshments of their own. Do we all remember what I said about how great a gift privacy is when you live in a house with 6 other people? That was another one of those times I wasn't being sarcastic. Yes kids, it DOES happen. We share a sigh, a pouty look, and that done, we go back to our work. Sue's really shy and she never talks to anyone except Kara and Celery when she's over here. Kara cause they're best friends, Celery well, cause he reeks nice guy sweetness and he's quiet too so maybe she's just recognising her own kind or something. Usually, like today, when I'm around, all she does is smile shyly at him and scurry out of the room as fast as possible. Am I really such a scary guy? I ask you.

I bet I know what you're thinking, why do we bother trying to work in the kitchen if there are so many interruptions? The answer is a two parter. First of all, before very recently, we didn't exactly feel the need for that kind of privacy, as no kissing or jumping people on tables really went down. The second reason is that my desk is totally covered in crap (not the real kind of crap you understand, just the can't seem to get around to throwing it out kind), and neither of us likes doing homework on the floor. Sure I could clean it, but doing homework on the table is easier. Anyway, it's not like we usually have that much. Whiz kids that we are.

"You're staying for dinner right?" I ask as we're clearing our books off the table and shoving them back into our backpacks.

"I was thinking about it. Everyone in your family knows now pretty much, except Kara, and I thought it might be nice for us to have a sort of all-together announcement about it, put everyone on the same page you know?" Watch as I act calm while I'm curling into a ball of terror in my head.

"Yeah okay, that sounds," swallow, "fine."

"Carrots," He says rolling his eyes playfully and slipping his arms under mine around my hips. "You're freaking again, how come?"

"I don't know," I say detaching myself and shrugging pathetically. "Cause they're my family and this is the kind of irrational reaction I'm so good at,"

"We don't have to, and if it's too much for you honestly, tell me and we won't. But if you think you could stand it I think we should," He's not being harsh or insensitive to my needs or feelings, he's doing what almost 11 years of friendship have taught him I need. The problem with me is I can let completely ludicrous fears take over my physce if they go unchecked. Usually, all that's needed is for me to get a little push in the direction of facing them and I'm able to wake up to the fact that there really wasn't anything to be worried about in the first place. I sigh.

"We should, you're right. Kara's probably going to need mom to explain to her later that you're not my boyfriend the way Sue is her girl friend, but I'll leave that up to her. Who knows, maybe it'll even be fun," Celery grins.

"That's the spirit!"

I hate to say this, but it kind of was fun too. At least in the sense that it wasn't scarring in any way and everything went relatively normally except for the end when mom insisted on taking pictures of us holding hands and then one of Celery kissing my cheek. I acted mad at the time, for the sake of my sullen reputation, but you'd probably win if you bet that when the pictures get developed I'll steal one and like frame it to put on my wall. Nothing like getting basked in your families love I guess.

It's pretty pathetic when you think about it, but really, the most freakish thing about my highly freakish family is how much we love each other. I don't fight with any of my siblings (Kyle and me did a bit when we were younger, but it was never anything serious). There are still squabbles sometimes, but they're always forgiven and forgotten in like 20 minutes. It's just like the sitcoms except when the half an hour is up life still goes on. They only non-domestic bliss factor is maybe that mom and dad are gone so much, and the problems resulting from there being so many people around all the time. But all in all we're a big, sickeningly happy family.

After dinner we all start drifting our separate ways again. Dad goes to do the dishes (right after dinner, I know, he's a physco), mom takes 20 minutes before retiring to their study to work on some books for the bakery, the twins rush up to their room for another epic video game battle of some kind, Kara goes back over the Sue's and Kyle disappears into the night, maybe to study in the library, maybe to hang out with friends, maybe something else.

As for me and Celery, we settle down for a nice rerun of Buffy on Space like most nights. It's cool for us because we only started watching the show two years ago, and on Space they just recently started playing back episodes starting from the very first one, so we get the best of both worlds. Never doubt the wisdom of the expression, 'If I haven't seen it, it's new to me'. I can't decide which episodes I like better, the old ones or the new ones. Buffy was a total Valley girl at the beginning, but that's just hilarious, and Willow was so cute with her long hair and all the stuff she said. I mean cute in the bunny rabbit sense not the 'irresistibly cute' sense. Plus Xander had better hair in the old ones. Shut up. Really, it's impossible to choose. I love Spike, but I think Oz is totally the man, so yeah, I think the Oz years would have to be my favourite. In the really new ones, Buffy is a total bitch, and I'm not a huge fan of Dawn, but you've gotta love the Willow and Tara love. When considering the newer seasons, it's important not forget the musical demon episode. That was... I don't even want to go into what that was. Let's just agree to try and forget it ever happened and suppress the scars. There's nothing wrong with that. Facing your issues is completely silly. But going back to my original point, I'm a freak about the show either way, old or new. It's got everything. There's the cheesy factor which in my opinion you've gotta love, there's all the crazy other world, demon, supernatural stuff, and then there's absolutely hilarious problems like Willow getting addicted to magic (though that does get less hilarious) or Buffy wanting to be a cheerleader, and she makes the team only when another girl on the squad spontaneously combusts. How can you NOT love a show like that? It even freaks me out sometimes, but in a 'ga!' surprised way, not an 'ohh no I'm so scared way'. It's a good snuggle up show anyway. Mostly though I love it for the hilariousness. And Celery loves it, so there are no draw backs what-so-ever. Just gravy. Wonderful, fun, vampire slaying gravy.

"Do you think Xander is hot?" I ask about half way through the show.

"What? I don't know," Celery answers sounding distracted and very unconcerned.

"Well come on, take a second to think about it," he shrugs.

"He's not ugly or anything," I roll my eyes.

"I KNOW that, and that's not what I asked. Do you think he's HOT?"

"Why?" He's slightly irritated now.

"I'm curious, that's all," Celery sighs, shifting around to look at me not the screen.

"I don't really notice stuff like that. Since before puberty you've been the only person I've looked at in that way. On a like strictly clinical basis I can tell if a persons good looking or not, but I don't look at guys or girls and think, 'damn, they're hot'. There's only you I think about that way."

In case you're wondering, actually, no, I am not the hottest person ever to walk the earth. I'm really only slightly better than average looking. And I'm still skinny and pretty ridiculous looking in the gangly sense of the word. I guess it takes a crazy in love person like Celery to come up with stuff like that. He's not lying though, he really means it. Like I said, Celery's not a lair. You're really gotta love the guy, even if he is crazy.

"You're amazing and I love you, but we're getting your eyes checked." I say before I climb into his lap and start kissing him.

Once the euphoria wears off, in time honoured me fashion, I start to freak out. Don't even give me that sarcastic 'oh I'm shocked' bullshit. How bout a little support for once? I'll tell you why I'm freaking out! What's so special about me? Nothing! That's what. And he's never noticed anyone but me? How can that be possible? If you have any retention capabilities at all you'll remember I said I believe him and I do - that's the problem. It wasn't some romantic line - he meant it literally. Don't make fun of me! This is really bothering me. I mean, what if I like scarred him somehow when we were first friends and like permanently messed with his sex drive?

This has got me freaked out enough to want to talk to Kyle, the giver of the sarcastic lovingly mean spirited advice. Yes. I am really freaked out after all. No kidding. Oh and now you're sorry for making fun of me are you? Well it's a day late and a dollar short if you ask me. And furthermore! No. Never mind. I've got more important things to do. That's right. Things like sitting in my room being freaked out until Kyle comes home.

I must have dozed off, cause suddenly I'm lying on my bed, looking at the clock and it's 11:30. Kyle has to be back by now. I leave my room and make my way to his abode.

"Kyle?" I call, storming into his apartment like he's so fond of doing to my room.

"Bedroom!" He shouts. I go over.

"Kyle do you think I've done something to Celery?" He looks at me, squints a few times, finally pinching the bridge of his nose and making a weary sound.

"What are you talking about? Done WHAT exactly?"

"Well we were talking about this and he's not attracted to anyone but me. He never has been. Do you think I like prayed on him when he was young and vulnerable cause of the stuff with his mom, moulding his impressionable mind, warping it so he wouldn't care about or feel he needed anyone but me?" Kyle waves his hands around, face skyward, like he's completely at a loss.

"No. No you crazy person. There are so many flaws in your logic - if you can even call it that - I don't even know where to start. I mean, use your brain! He was young when you met but hello! So were you! You were a 6-year-old, not some sexual predator. It's not like you put the moves on him or anything. And I'd say you've both done a pretty good job at making sure the other guy stayed exclusive. If anything it's been Celery more than you, not the other way around. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that. It makes you both deliriously happy to be that way so who am I to try and stop you? You didn't MAKE him love you either, like you didn't use mind control or something. The only extent to which you're responsible is that you're you. That's what he loves. Who the hell knows why but you know, that's a whole other kettle of whatever. So chill out alright? Like so what if you're the only person he's ever been interested in, that makes you incredibly lucky and gives you nothing to complain about validly so shut up about it. Go, be happy, do... whatever it is you guys do. Just let go of the insanity. And if that doesn't work out, you're screwed."

"Thanks Kyle. I mean that sincerely and sarcastically," he grins.

"That's what I was going for. So go on, call him at least, I bet he knew you'd freak out. He could probably use the reassurance,"

"You know for such an asshole you're a pretty nice guy,"

"Nicest asshole ever, that's me. Now make like a tree and go." Yes, I know that's not the actual expression. So does Kyle. It's from 'Back to the Future'. You know, it's a movie. Sheesh.

When I go back to my room, Celery's sitting on my bed placidly staring off into space.

"Feeling better?" He asks with a smile.

"You're scared the shit out of me," I hiss, still clutching my chest. "What are you doing here?" He shrugs.

"I just wanted to make sure you got everything about the me not liking anyone else thing settled in that crazy head of yours,"

"Yeah, I did. Kyle helped." I say climbing onto the bed, snuggling in beside him. "At first I was really flattered and everything, but then I freaked out a bit,"

"Just as I suspected," That's a line from something, but I can't remember what.

"Then why didn't you try and talk to me about it?" Usually, Celery knows in advance what's going to cause me to freak, and he'll nip it in the bud before I even get the chance.

"I thought it might be a good idea to give this one to Kyle. I just figured you might have an easier time hearing it from him since he wasn't the one telling you you're the only person they've ever thought was hot."

"That and you didn't want to be the one who had to tell me I was an idiot for not properly appreciating that the coolest guy on the planet only has eyes for me?" He smiles.

"Yeah, and that."

"I am less freaked out, almost entirely not freaked out in fact, but can you explain it to me a little better? Why do you think it is I'm the only person you've ever found attractive?"

"It's just cause I don't love them," I laugh.

"Well I don't love him, but I still think Jonathan Jackson is pretty hot," Despite the laugh, despite my tone, Celery is on to me.

"I don't mind," He says patting my hand and smiling reassuringly.

"That you've never felt anything for anyone else or that I have?"

"Both,"

"Why not?"

"Because you don't love them, and you do love me. So it means nothing. I know who has your heart. Jonathan Jackson can get stuffed."

"I love you so much. You're my own personal miracle,"

"You give as good as you get Care,"

We curl down together, lying there for awhile, and I'm far too comfortable to let him leave.

"Stay the night?"

"I don't know if I should, we didn't ask, and there's no reason-"

"I want you to stay! That's not a reason?" He slides out from under me onto his side, playing with my face as he talks.

"It's not the kind of reason I'm supposed to stay over for,"

"So?"

"So I don't want to abuse the privileges we've been given. I don't want to take advantage of your parents good will,"

"Take advantage?!" I sputter. "You're like a member of the family here Cel. You're allowed to come over when you want to just cause you want to you know. It doesn't have to be for a bad reason."

"Some other night, when we have permission," I give him the doe eyes, but he's not having it.

"Don't love, let's enjoy the time we have,"

"How long is that?"

"Another half hour,"

"Yeah okay," I say encouraging him back onto his back so I can rest against him once more.

Have you ever been asleep, when you suddenly get the distinct impression you're being watched, but you try to push it away cause you're asleep and assume you're just imagining things anyway so why disturb such a nice sleep? 'Well, something like that', eh? Trying to be clever again are we? Well, nobody's laughing. Nobody who matters anyway, and that's me. Look, there are more important things in this world than you, at this particular moment that's mainly Celery and the fact that he's lying beside me on my bed. I come up with a million snippy things to say such as 'fancy meeting you here' and 'you look an awful lot like my boyfriend, the one who said he didn't feel right about sleeping over because it would take advantage of my parents good will, have you seen him around any lately?' but I end up just saying,

"Hey," mostly cause he's got a sad look on his face and I'm trying to work on the insensitive bastard thing a little.

"Hey,"

"Talk?"

"In the morning maybe,"

"Okay," I say kissing him and lying back down.

"Goodnight,"

"Sleep well love,"

Now seems like as good a time as any to continue my summary of the parental situation here in the peoples republic of me and surrounding district.

My mom doesn't yell. Ever. She has discussions with people and she has a terrifically awful disapproving glare, but she only uses it for the most serious infractions, like the time Kyle had pot stashed in his sock drawer when he was 15. Still, I'm certain there wasn't yelling even then. Not from mom. Dad yells, but not when he's angry, only at the bakery when he's in the back or you are, and then he's yelling TO you, not at you.

Celery's got it different. They yell. At him when he gets noticed, at each other sometimes, at people over the phone. Debbie has a very yelling oriented relationship with her mother. Father's dead. I don't consider him a loss though. The extended family's just another group of people who've rejected Celery. There's never been world of any kind from him dad's side. The pictures are gone too. I see my dad's ugly mug every day, Celery can't even remember what his looks like. It's not fair. Anyway it's not the yelling that's a problem, it's the silence. Celery's good at silences, but I don't think he's particularly found of them. His life before school started was just one big hostile silence. It's amazing he turned out so well, so intelligent (not to mention kind and everything) considering how important human interaction is for the development of the human brain when you're little. It's true! They've done studies. Maybe as a baby before his dad left he got attention, I don't know. Celery can't remember. His home life now is still silence. Silence for him anyway, he's the invisible boy over there. Every couple months he gets money for clothes or school supplies if he asks, there's usually enough food for him in the fridge, and they get him to do work sometimes but that's basically it. It's not for no reason he comes over here every chance he gets. I'd beg him daily to move in entirely but I know he'd refuse no matter how often I asked and that it would probably hurt him if I did bring it up. It's not like he wouldn't WANT to, he just wouldn't let himself. Everyone's got lines they won't cross.

He's come over enough anyway, so that he's stayed sane and mostly happy all these years. I'm really no more together than he is and I've got this freakishly loving family to work with. I'm not that bad though (you can just keep your nasty comments to yourself) so I guess the moral of this story is we're both okay, probably because we've taken each other through. When we're a team nothing can get to us, so we've been doing okay. And even when we've been apart, the amount of time we spend together has always been enough so that all that other crap would still mean nothing cause the protection would still be there. We're each other's shields you know? Celery's needed a much bigger shield it's true, but it's been the knowing of him that's made me strong enough to be that shield.

With Celery's it's the stuff he has to deal with from Them. Their all season shitty treatment of him, the lack of love, the silence. Environment stuff. My stuffs more internal, you know? What Celery protects me from. It's mainly just myself. And even then it's ridiculous. Manufactured in my head problems, maybe even to make up for the lack of real ones. I don't know if that's subconsciously why I do it, but that's pretty damn pathetic if it's the case. The thing about made up problems is, they're sort of tricky to solve. Sometimes maybe worse even than real ones, because if there isn't an actual physical cause it's hard to put a stop to things. Not that I'm saying Celery's problems are strictly external and haven't hurt him emotionally. Far from it. But we get each other through it all no matter what. Because we're us and we always will be.

Sometimes over the years, when I still had my old room especially, Celery wouldn't even wake me up when he came over in the night, which he sometimes did unannounced. He has a key and he'd often camp out in the living room if it was really late and he didn't want to risk even the creaking of the stairs. Other times he's take out his bedroll and spread it out on my floor, but leave me asleep. More often than not though, we planned several sleepovers during the week in advance. We were usually well behaved and quiet so Celery would always be allowed to stay in my room even on those school nights. You know about our Friday and Saturdays already so I won't go into those. So I said it wasn't the yelling right? Isn't and never has been. It's always been the silence. When he was really young, like 7 and 8 I mean, Celery came over out of like fear. That was when They went out late to countless cocktail parties, trying to climb the social ladder. A 7-year-old boy shouldn't be alone in a house at night. The steps weren't alive then. So Celery came over here. They allowed it so long as no one else knew, so long as their reputations as good parents remained in tact without the expense of a real nanny. Later he fled the oppressive loneliness of the evenings at home, usually just getting too comfortable here to leave. Not that anyone ever wanted him too. Middle of night arrivals have become less and less frequent the older we've gotten. But now he's here again, after he made a big speech about not thinking it was a very good idea, so chances are good something really bad's gone down.

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