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>It doesn't have a title, it's short, ends abruptly and >is rather lame, but I'm posting it anyway. Because I >can. > >'Oh, gotta see, gotta know right now - what's that >riding on your everything?' > >--- > >What you don’t want to find when you walk into your >house after being in the wilderness for three months >and haven’t showered in three days is a strange dude >reading a book in your favourite chair. There’s just >really, no positive response you can possibly be >expected to give. > >“What are you doing in my living room?” > >It’s also less than helpful when the very same strange >dude looks up blankly from his book and answers your >question as though it was not only clearly unnecessary >but slightly stupid. > >“Reading.” > >“No you misunderstand me – I meant that in a much more >general sense. As in, what the fuck are you doing in >my house?” > >“Oh.” Smile. “I live here.” > >Flagrant and rather alarming lies are no more welcome >than the previously catalogued behavior. > >“You live here.” > >Enthusiastic nods are another no-no. > >“Yeah.” > >There can be no recourse but squinting. > >“This seems unlikely.” > >“How so?” > >“This is MY house. *I* live here – and I don’t know >who the hell you are.” > >“Wait, are you Adolfus?” > >“Yes. I am. Why is it that you know that?” > >There is where you begin to suspect that this person >has not only invaded the sanctity of your favourite >chair, but that they may very well have also tortured >your family for information and inevitably killed them >and buried them in your back yard. > >“Well, it’s like I told you – I live here now. And, >you know, the living here lends itself towards knowing >stuff. Such as the knowledge of the existence of the >middle son, missing at present due to camp related >circumstances.” > >“You are very in the know.” > >You wonder, how subtly can I reach for my pocket >knife? Will one blow from the small statue on the >mantle piece be enough to subdue him? > >“Thank-you. I’ve been told I’m a good listener.” > >I will make you cry. > >“The part I’m still having trouble with here is that >*I* - who we have established do in fact live here – >have never heard of you.” > >“But you parents told you all about me in their >letters!” > >“They really didn’t.” > >They never even cried for help. > >“Sure they did! They showed me drafts.” > >I bet you proof read everything before you let them >send them. How long have you been here you bastard?! > >“Really not getting it.” > >“I’m Steven!” > >“Good god! I thought you were a cat!”
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