Author:
Cleftonefan (And That's The Way It Might Have Been)
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Date Posted: Sun July 19, 2009 17:40:01
In reply to:
William Looft
's message, "Re: OT - Walter Cronkite" on Sun July 19, 2009 05:59:22
I wouldn't put this up in November, but, for those looking for the story, here it is. And That's The Way It Was.-
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/463852/the_beatles_killed_jfk.html?cat=38
The Beatles Killed JFK
"After writing "10 Topics To Avoid On Associated Content" I began to think about those topics quite seriously. I realized that after watching the Zapruder film when I worked at MPI. When I worked there, I would get calls all the time for my boss about the film. People who wanted to talk about their theories and somehow thought that by our possession of the film, we knew more than we revealed. It is true. We were all privy to what really happened that day in November, 1963.
"It is a well known fact that I just made up that the Beatles were obsessed with Marilyn Monroe. So much so that during George Harrison's trip to the United States, he went to visit her. I can't remember the exact date that this happened, but maybe some of you Beatle fans can help me out. Anyway, a fight ensued and he accidentally killed her. This was covered up by the Kennedys because Bobby was with Marilyn at the time and this couldn't be made public. So the Beatles were promised instant fame in America if they would just keep their mouths shut. I don't know the actual date this happened, but maybe some of you Marilyn Monroe fans can help me out.
"Now it is also a well known fact, that I just made up, that John Lennon's father had fought in the Battle of Waterloo during World War II. This is a battle that not too many people know about. I think it was fought with knives or something. Probably someone who knows something about WWII can clarify this. During this time, he encountered aliens and told his buddy, who went on to create Star Trek. I can't remember the name of John's father's buddy. Does anyone know? Anyway, John's father was sworn to secrecy about the Alien discovery, but when the Beatles became famous, he wanted a piece of the action. He threatened to tell the president about the aliens.
"The Beatles had no choice. They had to kill JFK. They didn't draw straws but instead ordered Ringo to do the job as it was about time he started pulling some weight. Ringo is clearly seen standing in the Zapruder film with a gun. I don't know what kind of gun he used or how many shots were fired or at what angle or what JFK ate for lunch that day. Does anyone else know this?
"After the murder, the Beatles were in the clear. No one knew that they killed both Marilyn Monroe and JFK. Everything was fine until Star Trek came out on TV. I don't know the exact date that this happened, does anyone? Anyway, this freaked out John Lennon so bad that he killed and buried Paul. This is clearly stated if you play Revolution 9 backwards and hear him admitting to this deed. Overcome with guilt and wondering where they were going to get another left handed bass player, they turned to the aliens, who John's father still kept in touch with by passing letters back and forth in copies of Lord of the Rings at a local library. I think there were 5,327 copies of Lord of The Rings in local libraries at that time. I'm not sure on the exact number, though. The aliens agreed to help by giving them a Paul clone if they would make sure that they would give George Lucas plenty of money to make Star Wars. The deal was made. I wish I could remember how much they had to give Lucas to make that film.
"Things were pretty quiet after the Beatles broke up until George Harrison decided to stick his nose into race car driving. He was a fan, but the aliens, with whom the Beatles never broke ties, wanted a favor. They wanted a more low brow type of race car competition. So George invented Nascar. It quickly became a religion and Dale Earnhart became their god. What was covered up, however, was Earnhart's great-great-grandfather's involvement in the battle of Armageddon during the Civil War, which is not well known. During this battle, Earnhart's ancestor killed the great-great grandfather of JK Rowling, who happened to be visiting from England at the time. I'm sure that all Civil War buffs are familiar with this little known battle and how it was fought with grenades and an Englishman accidentally got killed.
"When the Harry Potter book came out on - oops, forgot the date, religious fanatics everywhere realized that this was nothing but the work of the devil. They were right. JK Rowling made a deal with the devil to become famous so that she would have enough money and wizard powers to come to the United States and avenge the death of her great-great grandfather. Using her magic, she managed to make Earnhart's death look like an accident. Unfortunately, I do not know when Earnhart died, which way the car was turned or what he was wearing at the time. I do agree, however, in all seriousness, that his death was a tragedy.
"So, you see, it all makes perfect sense if you know all the facts. This is why it is so important to get your facts straight when writing for Associated Content, particularly on these types of subject matters as I outlined in What Not To Write About On Associated Content."
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