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>There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; >neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins >were not invented in England or French fries in >France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, >which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for >granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that >quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, >and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a >pig. > >And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't >fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If >the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of >booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 >meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of >choose? > >If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a >vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian >eat? > >In what language do people recite at a play, and play >at a recital? > >Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses that >run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive >on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be >the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are >opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day >and cold as hell another? > >When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a >form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by >going on. > >When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the >lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I >wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this >essay, I end it.
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