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Date Posted: Tue, Nov 18, 02:45:03pm
Author: cheryl
Subject: The Generic Flame Letter - too funny IMO

http://www.jaedworks.com/shoebox/flame.html

Dear:
[ ] Sir[ ] Spammer [ ] Twit[ ] Clueless Newbie
[ ] Madam [ ] Comrade[ ] Management Baboon [ ] Idjit
[ ] Kook [ ] [ ] Marketroid [ ] Obergruppenfuehrer
[ ] B1FF [ ] 3L33T D00D!!! [ ] anon@penet.fi
[ ] Other:________________


I took exception to your recent post to __(newsgroup)___

It was (check all that apply):

[ ] lame.
[ ] stupid.
[ ] pointless.
[ ] tasteless.
[ ] much longer than any worthwhile thought of which you may be capable.
[ ] an obvious troll.

Your attention is drawn to the fact that (check all that apply):

[ ] you made a ridiculously off topic post to a newsgroup.
[ ] you made a ridiculously off topic post to numerous newsgroups.
[ ] you obviously don't know how to read your newsgroups line.
[ ] you started a long, stupid thread.
[ ] you continued spreading a long, stupid thread.
[ ] you crossposted a long, stupid thread.
[ ] you are the subject of a long, stupid thread.
[ ] what you said has been said before.
[ ] and it was said better the last time.
[ ] your post was a pathetic imitation of ___(net.personality)__.
[ ] your post originated on FidoNet.
[ ] your post originated on aol.com.
[ ] your post originated on ix.netcom.com.
[ ] your post originated on a FirstClass BBS.
[ ] your post referred to the newsgroup as a Board, BBoard, BBs Domain, or Notesfile.
[ ] you quoted someone's whole article.
[ ] and added absolutely nothing.
[ ] except your .sig file.
[ ] and added meaningless gibberish.
[ ] specifically, your .sig file.
[ ] you posted a "Check out my Web Page" article.
[ ] off-topic.
[ ] and your web page sucks.
[ ] you posted some sort of crap that doesn't belong in this group.
[ ] again.
[ ] and it was boring.
[ ] the first time.
[ ] you posted the inanely stupid 'Make Money Fast' article.
[ ] you predicted the "Imminent Death of the Net (tm)".
[ ] from delphi.com.
[ ] from AOL.com.
[ ] from FIDOnet.
[ ] you advocated Net censorship.
[ ] you made one or more bigoted statements.
[ ] you repeatedly assumed unwarranted moral or intellectual superiority.
[ ] you are under the misapprehension that this group is your preserve.
[ ] you are clearly up way past your bedtime.
[ ] you seem to be under compulsion to post to every thread.
[ ] your post contained the terms (check all that apply):
[ ] "surf the net"
[ ] "surf the web"
[ ] "hacker"
[ ] "warez"
[ ] "cyber___(insert suffix here)___"
[ ] "Information Superhighway
[ ] "\C\a\b\a\l"
[ ] your post contained commercial advertising.
[ ] for an obvious scam.
[ ] that's been posted so many times it has its own cancelbot.
[ ] your post contained numerous errors in (check all that apply):
[ ] spelling.
[ ] grammar.
[ ] fact.
[ ] logic.
[ ] YOUR POST CONTAINED EXCESSIVE CAPITALIZATION AND/OR PUNCTUATION!!!!!
[ ] you posted a newgroup message without Leader Kibo's permission.
[ ] you posted an rmgroup message without Bruce Becker's permission.
[ ] you posted a test message to a non-test group.
[ ] your post/letter was a forgery.
[ ] a clumsy one.
[ ] you used the phrase "Information Superhighway".
[ ] to make a lame hiqhway-related analogy:
[ ] roadkill
[ ] pothole
[ ] other: ____________
[ ] you asked for replies via email because you "don't read this group".
[ ] you flamed someone who:
[ ] has been around far longer than you.
[ ] is far more intelligent and witty than you.
[ ] and considering who you flamed, that's sad.
[ ] your post contained HTML tags.
[ ] which are not parseable under any known implementation of HTML.
[ ] your lines are 80 columns wide or wider.
[ ] and your editor:
[ ] wrapped them, making them difficult to read.
[ ] truncated them, making them impossible to read.
[ ] your .sig is ridiculous because (check all that apply):
[ ] it's longer than four lines.
[ ] and your server truncated it.
[ ] it was inserted in a posting you made "anonymously" through penet.fi.
[ ] you included a stupid disclaimer.
[ ] which made an attempt at being witty.
[ ] and it failed.
[ ] miserably.
[ ] you stated you do not speak for your employer.
[ ] and included the company logo.
[ ] you included (check all that apply):
[ ] a stupid self-quote.
[ ] a stupid quote from a net.nobody.
[ ] a Rush Limbaugh quote.
[ ] an Adolf Hitler quote.
[ ] a Dan Quayle joke.
[ ] a reference to Beavis & Butthead.
[ ] one or more lame ASCII graphics (check all that apply):
[ ] USS Enterprise
[ ] Australia
[ ] AT&T logo
[ ] bicycle
[ ] Bart Simpson
[ ] other:____________

Furthermore:

[ ] you have greatly misunderstood the purpose of ___(newsgroup)__
[ ] you have greatly misunderstood the purpose of the net.
[ ] you are a loser.
[ ] *plonk*
[ ] you must have spent your life in a Skinner box to be this clueless.
[ ] this has been pointed out to you before.
[ ] twice.
[ ] more than twice.
[ ] you appear to be an idiot.
[ ] you appear to be a raving lunatic.

It is recommended that you:

[ ] stick to FidoNet and come back when you've grown up.
[ ] stop reading __(newsgroup)__ and get a life.
[ ] learn to type.
[ ] consume excrement.
[ ] consume excrement and thus expire.

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