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Subject: i just dont understand


Author:
kasey
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Date Posted: 02:44:54 08/22/05 Mon
 It has been a year since the abortion, and it still seems like yesterday that it happened. My boyfriend and I have been dating for four years now he was the baby's daddy. The thing I dont understand is how he can act like nothing ever happened and if he really does love me. I know this sounds crazy to say and I should know this by now. I really need some help because I am still in love with him, but I need some advise on what is really going on. Can relationships really make it after a tramatic thing like that.
kasey
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Replies:
[> Subject: Re: i just dont understand


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 10:26:39 08/23/05 Tue
Dear Kasey,

Yes, relationships can make it after traumatic events - but you need to "deal" with that trauma in healthy ways. Not talking about it or "stuffing" the emotions will only cause problems down the road. Both you and your boyfriend are hurting from the abortion and you need to be able to talk about it. If someone goes around acting like something never happened, that is a defense mechanism meant to protect themselves - try to understand that. Sure it makes you mad, but he can't face what he's feeling about the whole thing and that's very typical for a guy.

I would like to suggest you go to some post abortion counseling - usually a Crisis Pregnancy Center in your area will offer FREE sessions - please look up one in your area - you can use this link:

http://www.optionline.org/advantage.asp

or look in your phone book under Abortion Alternatives

You can also visit this site:

http://www.safehavenministries.com/

They are wonderful and have lots of message boards for women who have had abortions.

The sad fact is that the majority of relationships are destroyed after an abortion, but there is hope! The guilt, hurt and anger are just too much to deal with. That is something Pro-Choice advocates will never admit to, but it's true. I am sorry you are finding out the hard way. I hope the little bit of info. I've offered helps.

Hugs, Kris

[> Subject: Re: i just dont understand


Author:
lauren
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Date Posted: 00:47:21 08/30/05 Tue
you know what, that isnt crazy to say. im in the same situation. the only people that know i had an abortion is my boyfriedn and my parents. but they all act like nothing happened.. and if i say something, its like they dont know what to say to me so they change the subject. it makes me really pissed. makes me resentful towards my boyfriend, because its almost like i feel he did it to me. you know what i mean? and then you feel like you're being dramatic when you get upset about it.. but.. i dotn know, its definitely a touchy subject. but you're not the only one that feels liek that... if that helps at all.
[> Subject: Re: i just dont understand


Author:
hottrini
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Date Posted: 23:06:36 10/15/05 Sat
i read your letter today are you still together? well if you are maybe he is not pretending remember he is a man he is different from us our way is talking about it there way is well they don't talk about it and that there way of dealing with the it because to think about it what can they do about it whats done is alreADY DONE its not that they don't feel bad they just deal with it inside have you ever thought that he does not want to load you with his emotional baggage? maybe his silence is his way of dealing with this don't probe into things that may not be there you may only be pushing him away by thinking that he does not care.
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