Abortion -- Post Abortion Healing Support

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Subject: Abortion

Author:
Blair

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Date Posted: 19:35:42 06/25/07 Mon

Me and my fiance got pregnant sometime in the beginning of March. Of course I didnt realize or suspect I was until alittle later. I had already told my fiance I thought I might be and he is the only person I told about it. But my fiance told his mom(grandmother) that I might be and went out and got me a pregnancy test and I took it and it was positive.

Later that same day, my fiance's "mom" got mad at my fiance while I was there and when my mom was on the way to pick me up, she calls her and tells her that she needed to come up to my fiance's house. Then she walks outside and sits outside to wait for my mom to get there. When my mom got there my fiance's grandmother told me "tell her or I am" and I didnt say anything, so then she turns to my fiance and tells him to tell my mom. And he did. Of course my mom was shocked and angry. But after me and my mom leave to come back to my house my dad goes off on me, saying things like "if you want a relationship with me you will get an abortion."

About 2 days later, my mom calls me into the living room to talk to me and says she had made an appointment for me to get an abortion the coming up weekend and asks me if I'm going with her. The day before the appointment comes and I told my parents "no I'm not getting an abortion." Then my dad of course gets mad and said for me to be finding another place to live because he wasn't going to let me stay at his house being pregnant. I made a couple of phone calls and while I was on the phone said something about calling social services. My mom listens to my conversations and says that I'm not going to any of the peoples houses that said they would take me in and there was no need for me to call social services. But I didn't get kicked out that night because I got one more chance to change my mind.

My dad calls a preacher to come talk to me. My mom calls her side of the family in to talk to me trying to get me to have the abortion by telling me things like my baby was going to be mentally retarded. My mom also decided to call some people and see what could be done. She said someone from social services said that she could send me to a place around 2 hours away for me to live if I decided to have the baby. It was a lie.

About 2 weeks later, while I'm at school my fiance calls my mom at work and tells her "if you let me see Blair I will get her to have the abortion" and my mom said okay. And she told me the night before that if I got the abortion I could see my fiance. So my mom jumps on the phone and calls my grandmother and says my fiance wants me to have the abortion. I had to make the appointment.

My fiance went with me to get the abortion and of course my mom was there too.

But right after the abortion my mom says my dad said that I couldn't see my fiance until I got on birth control. So I went and got a birth control shot. Then my dad said I couldn't see my fiance for a month because the doctor said it would take that long for the shot to be effective. And being a medical student knew none of that was true. Then the month passes and my dad says I can't see my fiance until after I go to a therapist that my mom made an appointment with because "none of us were getting along." Well I've been seeing the therapist for around 2 weeks now and still haven't seen my fiance.

But I have to live everyday of my life knowing I killed my own child. I relive that abortion almost on a daily basis. I cry all the time and just think about the whole thing and how big of a mistake I have made. What am I suppose to tell people when I get older and they ask me how many times have I been pregnant. Plus I'm a prisoner in the house I live in and I have to live with the people who put me in this position. I have to take an anti-depressant. Live in a house with 2 liers. And live with the mistake I have made.

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Replies:

[> Subject: Re: Abortion

Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 14:26:10 06/27/07 Wed

Dear Blair,

First, I am sorry for your loss. I think the whole lie is that abortion is "a woman's right to choose" and here it's obvious that you were not given any choice. You were forced to do something against your will.

Next, you don't say how old you are - but indicated you were in school - so I assume that means high school. Is your fiance your age? Why are your parents so opposed to him? Has he treated you well? Is he a lot older? Sometimes your parents react to a situation because they feel the need to protect you - they maybe didn't make some wise choices, but it's probably out of their love and concern that they think they made good decsions for you.

Also, please seek out a counselor that can deal with post-abortion issues. It's important that you are allowed to work through the grief that comes from the loss you have experienced.

Finally, remember that you are precious - you are a child of God and He loves you and will always forgive you for ANYTHING that you may do, no matter how "bad" you think it is. If you have a bible, read it - you didn't say what the preacher had to say to you - but if he/she was for your abortion, I would NOT trust them for any spiritual guidance in the future.

You can email me directly if you want to - I will be praying for you.

Hugs, Kris

Hopkinskc@aol.com

[> [> Subject: Re: Abortion

Author:
Blair
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Date Posted: 05:23:23 06/28/07 Thu

Thanks for your reply Kris, I don't like verbally talking about the whole thing because of everything that happened. I don't talk about it to anyone but my fiance cause he's the only one I can talk to about it.

Next, I'm 16 about to be 17 and my fiance is 17 and is turning 18 later this year. My parents don't like him because as my mom said to the therapist we are going to "we are just scared she will end up in jail or something" and I know that's not true because I can put myself in jail just like everyone else in the world can, my fiance isn't going to do it for me. He cares about me more than that and he has always treated me very well. And I know they think they are protecting me but if they keep doing what they are doing they are going to sufficate me more than they already have and I can't take it, I've already had to take more than the average person has. The therapist we are seeing now we're seeing because my mom wanted to start going to him because me and my parents aren't getting along well and she was worryed about me being depressed and her and my dad are the ones who made me that way. In my opinion, it's pretty bad when you are on an anti-depressent because of your own parents.

[> [> [> Subject: Re: Abortion

Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 10:29:42 06/29/07 Fri

Dear Blair,

The good thing about seeing the therapist is that maybe he can help your mom and dad see that they are the reason you need anti-depressents and they will get the help they need to heal from their own problems.

I came from a very dysfunctional family - my Mom was abused sexually as a child, and also had a bd farm accident that left her crippled on one side. She carries a lot of baggage from those things, feeling unloved, unwanted and all. My dad was raised in WWII Germany and was even forced as a child to be in "Hitler's Youth" - so he is totally messed up from those things and turned to alchohol to numb his pain. They never really "raised" me and my sister. I was the "mom" to my younger sister and even the "parent" to my parents. At 17, I got pregnant - and so I know how scary that is.

I just want you to know that in spite of who your parents are, you do make your own choices and you can choose to heal and move on and get healthy in mind, body and spirit, or you can wallow in the misery of it all and continue the cycle your parents have set up.

I did not get along with my parents either at your age - and I ended up married and moving 1,000 miles away at 18. It really was the best thing for me - hard - but better than all I had going on at home.

I'm not saying you need to do that - I'm just saying - I think I can understand where you are coming from.

The main thing that "saved" me was that I started going to church with my boyfriend/fiance/husband. I had to turn to God to get me through it all and I still always turn to God in hard times.

Life is not easy, and we all have to realize there is a higher power at work that will guide us and love us through the worst of times. I believe that higher power to be the One True God - I hope you can find a solid church setting and start going with your fiance. Your parents can't get mad about that kind of "date" -

Again, you can email me directly and we can "talk" more like this if you want to.

Hang in there sweetie!

Hugs, Kris