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Subject: I just cant go on


Author:
Devin
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Date Posted: 14:14:54 06/02/06 Fri
 I had a surgical abortion last friday. in the beginning when i found out i was pregnant, my boyfriend of a year and a half told me he didnt want a child at this point in our lives (were only 19) but that he would support my decision. We went to the doctors together twice and we even heard the heartbeat. Then the pressure to have an abortion started. As soon as he knew i was sceptical about giving up my life and being able to care fully for the baby, he started to suggest it. Then he really started pressuring me, telling me he wanted it for the child and for me because he loved us. I gave in and had an abortion. Now he is so distant and is treating me horribly. I feel so alone and sad and guilty and confused. I told everyone i had a miscarraige out of shame so that no one would know the truth except for my boyfriend. But now that he has left me so alone like this i have no one to talk to about it. I have considered my own death as I feel more and more like a murderer. I want my baby back so much. i miss being sick, i miss being able to feel him inside me. I want to be his mom but now i cant and i dont think i can handle this anymore. I just need someone to be there for me and im so alone
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Replies:
[> Subject: Re: I just cant go on


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 17:41:19 06/03/06 Sat
Dear Devin,

I'm glad you posted here - I want to tell you, you are NOT alone. If you read through the posts on this site, you will see how many other women are also hurting from the abortion they had. There are networks of women that have undergone abortions and they can help you deal with your grief. Please also visit:

www.safehavenministries.com

or

www.optionline.org

Both may offer post-abortion counseling (FREE) near you. Safe Haven has more message boards to discuss your feelings on as well.

You are grieving for your loss, and you need to do that in a healthy way. You may want to confide in a close/trusted friend or relative about the truth and have someone else to lend you some emotional support. I'm sure your b/f is also grieving and regretting things, and men have a much harder time (typically) than women when it comes to expressing emotions. It mostly shows up as withdrawl or anger.

You need to go on.....there is still a reason you are here and a purpose for your life.

Hang in there - and email me or post again.

Hugs, Kris

[> Subject: Re: I just cant go on


Author:
Heather
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Date Posted: 22:34:10 06/03/06 Sat
Devin,

I'm glad you came here asking for help. You need to find someone to talk to so they can help you through your feelings. Even if it's someone from this board, I encourage you to cry as you need to and eventually are able to forgive your boyfriend and also yourself.

I believe in a higher power of Jesus and he can help you through the forgiveness.

Your life will never be the same. But a lot of women who have gone through an abortion find comfort in counselling others who are either considering abortion or have had an abortion. You can understand how they feel more than I could.

Because you are suisidal you should call your health care provider. If you are not willing to call your healthcare provider please call the optionline.org people. They offer free advice and have resources in your area that can help. Their toll free number is 1-800-395-HELP(4357) If you would like to email them you can use this link: option line contact Their instant message information is on there too.

Your boyfriend does not sound like someone who is healthy for you to be around. It's possible that he is going through some feelings that he didn't expect after the abortion. It's also possible that you will never be able to be together because of the abortion. Most couples do break up after an abortion.

Devin, if you want someone there for you I would be willing to write to you through instant messenger or email. There are other women here I know who would be willing to do the same.

Hugs,

Heather
songofjesus@yahoo.com
[> Subject: Re: I just cant go on


Author:
Mary
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Date Posted: 23:10:28 06/03/06 Sat
Devin,

Hi, my name is Mary and Cheryl51 wanted me to write you. First of all I want you to know that there is hope, healing and forgiveness. I am sorry for your loss and I will do everything I can to help you through this. I want to give you my email so we can talk privately and talk more often. There is alot you need to know because abortion can effect every area of your life if you don't go through the healing process, specially relationships. Go to these web sites and also we can send you information on healing and recovery. Please write me back too. www.operationoutcry.org www.hopemonument.com www.afterabortion.org

I submitted to an abortion when I was 17 so I now the grief and sadness that happens after. You are doing the best thing you can do by reaching out for help and we are here for you!!
My email is mjschoettle@aol.com

Hugs,

Mary
[> Subject: Re: I just cant go on


Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 01:04:09 06/04/06 Sun
Devin,

I am so sorry! I have a sense of what you are going through because of some experiences in my own life.

Please do not harm yourself. We love you, and God loves you, and forgiveness is possible.

The other women said some really good things. I don't have a lot to add to what they have already said.

Try not to associate with your boyfriend as long as he is treating you so badly. Just make it clear to him that his treatment of you is unacceptable. Tell him that you need to not see him, and then stick to it. He has some issues to work through. Don't take the blame for the coercion he applied to you, and the lies he told you.

Just know that we care, and we'll be here for you.

Please pray and seek forgiveness from God. He will forgive you. I won't go into a lot of detail right now because I don't know where you stand on the question of religion and faith, but it is something I am more than willing to discuss.

Hugs,
Pat
[> Subject: Re: I just cant go on


Author:
Mya
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Date Posted: 20:07:41 06/06/06 Tue
You are not alone. I understand how you feel, and the depth of your pain. I found that the entire situation surrounding my abortion was like an out of body experience. The entire decision and procedure itself feel like a dream (or rather nightmare) now. It was all just to quick and I have regrets. But know that you WILL be alright. Everything will be OK. And your baby loves you and forgives you. Everything WILL be alright. **hug**
[> Subject: Re: I just cant go on


Author:
Christy
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Date Posted: 13:22:34 06/24/06 Sat
Hi Devin,
I just posted a similar story to yours. I've come to realize we are not alone in feeling alone through this.
It feels lonely, scary, hopeless, even helpless at some moments. You want relief, and forgiveness. I understand, because that's how I feel. I'd say "If only". But I'm trying to live and overcome my mistakes. This is the hardest hurt I've had to feel in my whole life.
I just want you to know, women just like you, and me, understand and care, and are experiencing the same guilt, and pain and a lot of other emotions.
I don't know what your beiefs are, but I was told this "God, or Life doesn't give you anything you can't handle" so I choice to believe, no matter how alone, or how much we'd want to give up, we can handle this.
I hope this has helped. You've helped me by sharing your story.
thank you.
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