Having a hard time years later... -- Post Abortion Healing Support

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Subject:

Having a hard time years later...

Author:
LN

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Date Posted: 18:01:29 08/07/06 Mon

In the fall of 2003 I had an abortion....I found out I was preg in late November...my now husband and I had almost finished our first semester of college...as soon as I found out the first words out of his mouth was "My mom is going to be so upset"..I knew that both of our parents would be, and because of that and the fact that I was so scared..I didnt know anyone who had been through it..we opened up the phone book and found the number for an abortion clinic. I was so relieved when we made the appointment for just 4 days away...Later that night as I was lying in my bed, I couldnt help but cry and hold my stomach...just because I was so scared and didnt know how our parents would react...even though I was about to turn 19 yrs old. I had it done...It took every ounce of strength I had to walk into the clinic, especially whenever the protestors where praying and shouting "Dont do it, mom"...after it was done, I felt such a sense of relief and was happy it was over...I was very remorsful for a while..off and on but knew it was probably for the best. A month later I got the news that my husbands cousin had gotten his gf preg..she was only 16 and they were keeping their baby. I instantly doubled over with sadness....their lil girl was born in Sept of 04 and our lil one would of been due in July of that same year..I am very close to them now and it hurts me so much to be around her. Now, only 3 years later, my then boyfriend and I are married and have been trying to have a baby since January...Im still not pregnant and lately I have been thinking and hurting badly about having it done those years before. Im kind of a newborn christian..and I have repented several times and I know that God has forgiven me but I cannot forgive myself. I find myself not wanting to do anything but stay home, I cry all the time..and to make matters worse I constantly fight with my mother-in-law..because deep down I blame her for my decision to abort my baby. I just cant let it go..and the fact that Im not pregnant yet just makes it worse..I obsess. Is anyone going through something similar now..years after they did it?

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[> Subject: Re: Having a hard time years later...

Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 21:39:59 08/08/06 Tue

Hi, LN,

I think I understand fully how you feel. I think if I were in your position, I would feel exactly the same way. My heart goes out to you. I pray that the Lord will grant you emotional and spiritual healing.

Let me tell you about Paul. Once, a man named Saul was going around killing Christians. He was responsible for the stoning of the first Christian martyr, Stephen. And Stephen cried out that God would not lay that sin to the charge of his killers. And God intervened in Saul's life, and revealed Himself personally to Saul, and Saul became the Apostle Paul, who wrote more books of the Bible than anybody else, and whose preaching to my ancestors is responsible for my faith.

And what God did for Paul, He can and will do for you. Remember, Jesus already paid for your sin, all of it.

Given that God already forgave you because of your remorse and repentance, you must seek His help to forgive yourself. How can you not forgive yourself if He freely forgave you? You should seek not to condemn yourself. Those messages of condemnation are coming from the accuser of the brethren, satan. Rebuke him. Ask God to protect you from the fiery barbs of the evil one. We will pray for you as well.

Love in Christ,
Pat