Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 00:58:20 11/28/06 Tue
Eric,
I am sorry about this. There is something you will need to understand, however. Secretly, a woman wants the father to fight for his child. She wants to know that he values the child and will support her and be there for them both. If the man thinks he's not applying pressure by simply saying that he'll accept either decision, and perhaps only encouraging that decision, women don't perceive it that way. So I find it not at all surprising she is resentful now. Another problem is that a lot of times women are in a panic, and they don't make a good decision, and they're only thinking of how things are right then. They're not thinking of how things will be afterward. After it is over, they often have time to think things through. So often, women are being misled by abortionists about what it's all about anyway.
I can speak as the grandmother of a little boy who was conceived under very similar circumstances to the ones you describe. He was conceived during a three week affair. I made it a point to express my gratitude to his mother for having him and for including us in their lives. Our son is sharing child care responsibilities with her, and I think he is looking much more seriously at their relationship.
What is done is done. However, if you would want to understand where your girlfriend is coming from, this is the only way I can see you can reach her. Apologize to her and ask for her forgiveness. Be willing to admit that you both made the wrong decision for the two of you. Regardless of whether you have known each other for a long time or not, having sex with a woman causes a bond to be formed. Most of the time, the bond is much stronger for the woman. She will often project her own feelings on the man. A lot of times, neither really realize the differences between the two genders with respect to this. It is not impossible that she expected more from you but was afraid to say so. You two have destroyed the product of your love, and that is what you must work through. Abortion is a deeply invasive procedure, and a woman who experiences one begins to realize just how invasive it is. There will be all kinds of issues. She may well think you won't be able to understand, but do your best, and make the effort, and let her know you are doing this. Try not to let your own issues get in the way for now. You must be strong for her. Try not to feel dumped on. Her body is the one which was invaded. You will have to experience a change of heart about this issue.
Your relationship can be healed, but it will take work and prayer. It may well be the relationship cannot be salvaged, but certainly make the effort. Also, look into post-abortion counseling, especially for her (simply because not much is available for the men, though you are certainly welcome to look on your own behalf as well.) Good luck with this!
Pat
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