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Subject: Re: Post Abortion


Author:
Jacqueline
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Date Posted: 08:02:23 11/28/06 Tue
In reply to: Eric 's message, "Post Abortion" on 03:06:38 11/25/06 Sat

Dear Eric,

I'm sorry to tell you that a majority of romantic relationships fail after an abortion. I wish I could give you good news and say that things return to normal after a while, but the majority do not.

Your girlfriend is grieving the loss of her baby. You are the only thing that connects her to her child which is while she's still with you. However, she's angry and resentful because she's hurting deeply. She blames you because you got her pregnant and she doesn't percieve that you're hurting the same way she is (and frankly, you can't hurt the same way she is. She has physical pain and the abuse of going through an invasive surgery on her privatest of parts). Beyond the bleeding and emotional pain, there are hormonal changes, shame and abuse that come with having an abortion.

Another thing to consider is that as much as you claim you made this decision "together", she is the one that suffers most. Some women abort to save relationships or please their partner and later harbor deep anger for doing so. Many women wish their partner had fought harder for them both (they and the baby). Had you offered to take responsibility and care for her and your baby rather than so quickly agreeing that she should get rid of it, she might have made a healthier, happier choice. Perhaps she's dealing with that anger also.

Those relationships that survive are the ones that get healing and forgiveness together. I suggest you find a post-abortive group at a Pregnancy Resource Center. Http://www.pregnancycenters.org. They can help.

Good luck,
Jacqueline

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Replies:
[> Subject: Re: Post Abortion


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 09:12:40 11/28/06 Tue

Dear Eric,

Abortion can have a devastating effect on a person and on a relationship. I think many people buy the lie that abortion is no big deal. Once it's done, they realize it is a big deal and it's painful, and a great loss. Trying to deal with that, while also trying to stuff the feelings is not something we can really cope with. You both need to acknowledge this was a loss - and you both probably need to grieve. Americans do not learn or know how to really let go and grieve for things. Many of the Care Net centers offer FREE post abortion counseling and they have an excellent program for that. Look up a center near you at this web site:

http://www.optionline.org/hadabortion.html

It is important that you find the healing you both need in order to move forward here. I'm glad you're already seraching for that and that you posted here.

You can also check out this site:

http://www.safehavenministries.com/

Hang in there,

Kris



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