| Subject: Re: WOW what a mess! |
Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 23:40:46 12/07/06 Thu
In reply to:
Sara
's message, "WOW what a mess!" on 16:04:56 12/06/06 Wed
Hi, Sara,
Get yourself to a doctor you can trust IMMEDIATELY. Not the one who gave you the medical abortion. Vaginal abortion pills can cause toxic shock syndrome, and that is deadly! I can't believe the abortion facility actually had you take that! They OUGHT to know better! You also need to make sure the abortion is complete, because if it's not, that can be deadly, too.
As for your feelings, what you are experiencing is not uncommon. But don't be surprised by a lot of other feelings. We will be here for you if you need us.
As for your marriage, you made a promise, and you should keep it. Just because your husband isn't home much doesn't mean it's OK to abandon him. You have a little boy to think of, as you are well aware. Your son will be much better off if you stay together. But obviously, you need to do something to heal your relationship. If you have some issues you need to talk about, we're here for you. I'll tell you that it was not uncommon for my husband to have to be gone for weeks at a time. And he often had to be away at work for many hours as well, because he was trying to create a business and cause it to grow. So we didn't always have a lot of time together, but at times that changed in the opposite direction. Currently, he works at home, and we are side by side all day. We have now been married for 41 years, and our marriage is better than ever. And we have seven wonderful kids who grew up to be responsible citizens, and we have three grandchildren and another on the way.
Your "boyfriend" took advantage of you. I presume that he knew you were married. He was willing to help you break your promise. He has very few scruples. And obviously, he didn't stick by you when you became pregnant, either, since he was ready to destroy your child.
I realize that this message probably contains some things you didn't want to hear, and I apologize for that. But the most important thing right now is for you to go see a doctor and tell him what you did and what I said about it. You need to be watched! Toxic shock syndrome kills quickly, and you may not be in any condition to tell anyone what is wrong if you experience it. Yes, the odds are you won't, but why take a chance?
As for healing your marriage, it's possible. Both of you have to want it, but if he doesn't, there is still much you can do to make things better. If the major problem is that you aren't seeing him enough to satisfy you, then make it a point to spend some quality time together. TELL him that you need to do that. And find some things that you personally will enjoy doing that will help nurture your spirit, and you can do when he's not home.
I figure he feels that you folks really need the money he's earning, or that he will need to succeed to provide for both of you.
Let me talk a minute about being in love with this "boyfriend." First of all, know that when you have sex with someone, you bond with that person, and if you conceive a child, that is also a bonding experience. And your child bonds with you, and that also results in a stronger bond with the father. But please know that there are several kinds of love. Being "in love" may mean you are experiencing what the Greeks call "eros". That means sexual attraction. It's an emotion. And there are two other kinds of love that have different Greek words. "Philios" is brotherly love. And "agape" is self-sacrificing love. Agape is a decision, not an emotion. I am sure you feel agape for your son. You have shown this by your willingness to stay with his father, your husband, for his sake. Sexual attraction is not a good basis for a relationship, especially if you have another ongoing relationship. Sexual attraction can, and probably will, fade. In fact, I'm sure you had sexual attraction with your husband, and probably still do. That may be part of the problem. But as you see, sexual attraction is not enough. So you will need to find some other commonality with your husband. Know this about your "boyfriend," though. Since he saw nothing wrong with interfering with your marriage, you can't trust him, even if you break up with your husband. He was looking for a good lay, and you were convenient. He used you. So even though you have feelings for him, it would not be a wise move to favor him in this whole scene. If you did hook up with him, he is just as likely as not to take off for "greener pastures" when it suits him. I hope this makes sense. Please think about it.
Hugs,
Pat
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