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Subject: Re: i am so lost and alone i just want to sleep and never wake up


Author:
Vickie
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Date Posted: 09:36:10 05/18/05 Wed
In reply to: elizabeth 's message, "i am so lost and alone i just want to sleep and never wake up" on 17:25:31 05/04/05 Wed

Elizabeth, I feel your pain.. and yes it will get better in time, with time and patience you can be on top of the world again..
If it will help with your pain at all, sounds like to me and with most cases like these, he would have left you any way. He is not a man, a real man would have not even thougth of an abortion, nor pressed you to get one.. and would have take responsibility. This guy didnt' do any of that and then left anyway.. so yeah he would have been out of your life no matter what. I know that may not be something you wanted to hear, but what you need to concentrate on right now is YOU! You need to take care of yourself so you can get on the road to recovery when you feel ready. We are here to help you, support you and encourage you to do that when you are ready.

Please keep us updated. ok?

Love and hugs
Vickie

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Replies:
[> Subject: Me too


Author:
lea
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Date Posted: 13:10:43 06/02/05 Thu

I can completely relate to what u are saying. I to recently had an abortion. (6 weeks) A choice I thought I would never have to make. I am not financial stable (unemployed) just moved all kind of drama and I got Preg. although I was using protection. Today my all so happy re elathionship is unreconizable, the guy say he is fine and we are ok, he is not judging me but still he does not come around anymore. I do feel I a lost for the unknown, the baby-child I will never know.And sometime I wonder if we would be together "playing" happy family but the I remember it is not a game. I remember I do not have a job,, no money and cannot raise a child on promises. I remember that relationships can change and all to easierly turn into oh he just my baby daddy. I want things for my life and I want my children lives to be secure. So when I cry and I do, I also remind myself of the reason I choose such a hard decision and then I go on and hope one day these feeling will be less.


[> [> Subject: Re: Me too


Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 22:10:57 06/04/05 Sat

Lea,

My heart goes out to you. So many times abortion destroys a relationship, and in many cases, the woman overestimates the level of commitment of the guy in the first place (and often he does, too, until he is confronted with a serious responsibility that he thought he could avoid.)

Your reminding of yourself of the reasons why you had an abortion doesn't change the fact that you know in your heart that what you did was a violation of yourself, and violence toward your baby. The problem is, you won't begin to heal emotionally until you are willing to take full responsibility for the decision. Please consider that there are no guarantees in life, and that although we want to give our children the perfect home, it isn't going to happen. We all have to accept this. In fact, the perfect home would not be a good place for a child, because children whose every need and want is supplied never develop any strength of character. They become spoiled brats. Then when they face situations, such as the one you faced, they have no skills to cope with it and make the best of it. Furthermore, circumstances change, and there is help available. Most women can find the help they need to endure the present situation and they can live one day at a time until things improve, as they almost always do. Women can decide to use the situation to grow in responsibility and abilities. When this happens, their lives improve. This was the growing that you have been denied.

Women who have abortions go through stages in emotional recovery. The first stage is denial. Trying to justify your decision is a form of denial. You won't move on to the next stage of healing until you get past that. The next stage is being willing to admit what you did, confront it, face it, accept that what you did harmed you emotionally. Then you must be willing to forgive yourself. In my experience, the only women who really and truly heal are those who seek God's forgiveness as well.

One other thing: please do not blame yourself for any coercion your boyfriend used to persuade you to have an abortion. Think back on anything he said that pushed you into abortion in any way, including his telling you he's not ready for the responsibility (implying he wants you to help him avoid it.) Take responsibility only for your part in it.

I wish I had had the opportunity to talk to you while you still had a choice, so I could have told you of the consequences and you could have made an informed decision. Unless I miss my guess, you had no idea how hard this would be for you emotionally.

We are here to let you vent, to support you, emotionally and with prayer. You can heal emotionally and spiritually. I pray that you will be able to work through this and come out on the other side of it at peace with yourself. Yes, it is possible. That is why we are here.

Hugs,

Pat


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