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Date Posted: 22:10:57 06/04/05 Sat
My heart goes out to you. So many times abortion destroys a relationship, and in many cases, the woman overestimates the level of commitment of the guy in the first place (and often he does, too, until he is confronted with a serious responsibility that he thought he could avoid.)
Your reminding of yourself of the reasons why you had an abortion doesn't change the fact that you know in your heart that what you did was a violation of yourself, and violence toward your baby. The problem is, you won't begin to heal emotionally until you are willing to take full responsibility for the decision. Please consider that there are no guarantees in life, and that although we want to give our children the perfect home, it isn't going to happen. We all have to accept this. In fact, the perfect home would not be a good place for a child, because children whose every need and want is supplied never develop any strength of character. They become spoiled brats. Then when they face situations, such as the one you faced, they have no skills to cope with it and make the best of it. Furthermore, circumstances change, and there is help available. Most women can find the help they need to endure the present situation and they can live one day at a time until things improve, as they almost always do. Women can decide to use the situation to grow in responsibility and abilities. When this happens, their lives improve. This was the growing that you have been denied.
Women who have abortions go through stages in emotional recovery. The first stage is denial. Trying to justify your decision is a form of denial. You won't move on to the next stage of healing until you get past that. The next stage is being willing to admit what you did, confront it, face it, accept that what you did harmed you emotionally. Then you must be willing to forgive yourself. In my experience, the only women who really and truly heal are those who seek God's forgiveness as well.
One other thing: please do not blame yourself for any coercion your boyfriend used to persuade you to have an abortion. Think back on anything he said that pushed you into abortion in any way, including his telling you he's not ready for the responsibility (implying he wants you to help him avoid it.) Take responsibility only for your part in it.
I wish I had had the opportunity to talk to you while you still had a choice, so I could have told you of the consequences and you could have made an informed decision. Unless I miss my guess, you had no idea how hard this would be for you emotionally.
We are here to let you vent, to support you, emotionally and with prayer. You can heal emotionally and spiritually. I pray that you will be able to work through this and come out on the other side of it at peace with yourself. Yes, it is possible. That is why we are here.