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Subject: Mistakes


Author:
Sad
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Date Posted: 12:50:36 08/15/05 Mon

To say that my abortion was a mistake seems absurd. Mistakes are what we make when we bring home a pair of jeans without trying them on, and discover that they are too big or small. No word can capture the gravity of my choice last September.
I was 46 years old, and my children were grown. I'd just moved in with my fiance' when I dicovered that I was pregnant.
My life has never, and will never be the same since my abortion. It has altered my life forever. I have a high paying job for a major corporation. It means nothing to me. I live in a grand home with the means to purchase any luxury I want. This means nothing to me.
I wish to live in a trailer, and to hold the baby that I chose never to hold. This means everything to me.
But nothing can change what is done. Nothing can bring my choice back.
I work 55+ hours a week. I get home, and have a drink before going to bed. Hoping on a concious level that the booze with help. It doesn't. I go to sleep. When I awaken it is time to get ready for work again.
Believing that God will not forgive me is really a moot point to me as I will never forgive myself. Until last September, I believed that there was a spot in Church for me. Now I feel that I would be a hypocrite to attend Church.
I so deeply, so profoundly, and intensely regret the abortion that I had. No matter how warm the weather, or how the sun shines...it pours. The rains never end.

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Replies:
[> Subject: Re: Mistakes


Author:
Forest
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Date Posted: 15:44:07 08/16/05 Tue

You need to know that you are not alone nor will you ever be alone in our decision. I will always think about that day. My biggest regret is what this has done to the woman of my dreams. She has been hurt so deeply and this was the very last thing that I wanted. You, more than anybody deserves so much happiness.

You also need to know that we are forgiven if we truelly ask for forgiveness. Turn to Christ and he will surely smile at the wonderful woman you are. You are the kindest, most caring person I have ever met. Please come back to me.
Always remember.....Peas and carrotts. Lets get through this together.


[> Subject: Re: Mistakes


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 22:07:37 08/16/05 Tue

Dear Sad,

God forgives us for ALL our sins/mistakes - that is the best thing about Him. He loved us before we first loved Him. He sent His one and only son so that we may be forgiven. If God forgave Mosses, David and Paul - all murderers - He can and will forgive you, just ask him to. You also need to forgive yourself - if we walk this earth long enough, we all have regrets. Please visit this site:


http://www.safehavenministries.com/

You should also look up your local Crisis Pregnancy Center - many of them offer Post-abortion counseling. I know many women that have gone through the program and it truly helps with the healing.

I am so touched that your Fiance' has apparently answered you here - what an incredible guy! It's so good that you have his support as well.

Please don't let this be - you have reached out - continue to do that and work towards restoration.

Kris

[> Subject: Re: Mistakes


Author:
Dean
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Date Posted: 09:55:00 08/23/05 Tue

I just found this forum after searching for anythig to help my wife and me after the abortion my wife had. We have several children already and accidentally had another pregnancy last year. After talking about it, we decided the best option would be to terminate the pregnancy. It is now 10 months later and the effects are worse than ever.
I read Sads post and found it most similar to our situation (i.e. older, older children)
I am trying to understand this from a male point of view. My wife seems to have a lot of feelings of hatred towards me now. Similar to Sad, my wife feels like a hypocrit in the eyes of the church (we are catholic). I am trying to understand the feelings of hatred towards me. It seems as though she hates me because I didn't have ot physically go through the abortion (which is true). We are in counseling (couples and individual), but I am still not sure what else I can do to help things on a daily basis.
Are the overwhelming feelings of sadness a constant thing? What kinds of things do you think would help from your fiance when you have these feelings of sadness? A hug, a kiss, leave you alone, give a poem about how much they love you?
If you (or anyone else) can help me to understand what kind of of support you look for from your fiance, mate etc., I would be most grateful.
[> [> Subject: Re: Mistakes


Author:
Sad
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Date Posted: 02:05:13 08/31/05 Wed

Dean - I know this is a tough one. I'm battling the feelings I get towards my husband because of the abortion. I may not have much advice right now except that to be patient and understanding. If she needs to be alone, let her. If she wants to talk about it, let her. What has helped me is not having my husband or anyone 'force' me to talk about it, not that I want to forget it but whenever I'm ready, I will. Has she tried on-line support? Have her try this site or others. It has helped me. I know there aren't many men out there who are open to discuss abortion but have you tried other sites for help such as safehaven ministries? just a thought and good luck.
[> [> Subject: Re: Mistakes


Author:
Sad
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Date Posted: 11:27:18 09/01/05 Thu

Dean,
I've just read your message, and would very much like to help you to understand your wife's feelings. My fiance' and I are now married. The most important thing for me is his willingness to listen. What your wife feels now is not a hatred for you, this is my belief. She feels angry about the decision that you made together, and she feels sad, and guilty.
Are the overwhelming feelings of sadness a constant thing? For me there is always an underlying tone of sadness that was not there before my abortion. Today is especially sad for me as it was one year ago today when I had my abortion.
Draw close to your wife when you sense she needs it. Give her space when she needs that as well. Her feelings,and needs will fluctuate. Mostly, your willingness to listen will be beneficial in her healing.
I would like to say more, but do not have the time right now, as I need to go to work. God bless you, Dean.
[> [> [> Subject: Re: Mistakes


Author:
Dean
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Date Posted: 22:11:05 10/11/05 Tue

I have been menaing to post back, but just haven't gotten to it until now. We have had several discussions with and without a counselor over the past few months. It has been very difficult, but we do talk about sometimes. My wife still has trouble carrying a complete conversation through to a conclusion though.
The good news is that I surprised her and we are headed to Las Vegas tomorrow to renew our wedding vows. I want to make a start in a new direction and couldn't think of a better way to do it. It will also be the first time away from the kids (3 of them) in 8.5 years. A whole week to act like adults.
I think you are right about the guilty feelings. It is difficult for me to relate to the guilt sometimes, but I really don't feel much guilt in decisions I make. A lot of the guilt seems to be expectations from unknown outside sources (i.e. what would my mother think, what would my friends think, what would my coworkers think). My thoughts are 'who cares', they don't live our life so what would they know and who are they to judge our decision.
I hope things are going well for you. Take care.

Dean

[> Subject: Re: Mistakes


Author:
hottrini
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Date Posted: 09:28:21 10/13/05 Thu

do not think that church is wrong for you because god does not single out which sinnner he wants to attend church or wich sin ok to commit or which bad thing you can do there is no higher or lower level they are all the same god does not choose which sin or wrong doing to forgive forgivness is forgivness do not get it confused if you are genuine and you ask for it he will give it to wether you stole a cookie or lied or even an abortion he will forgive you but it will make no sense if you do not forgive your self becuase then you will be insulting him he will forgive you if that is whAT YOU really want {you just have to ask and accept}forgiveness is yours he has promised that and god does not lie, my friend you just have to take it with all your heart he is there you just have to ask it is that simple and easy with him he never makes things more difficulte than they already are.

[> Subject: Re: Mistakes


Author:
julie
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Date Posted: 01:12:03 12/02/05 Fri

I hear you. I and my hubby are involved in our careers and thought no time for kids. So two months ago I had a medical abortion. Told myself early on, just cells that sort of thing. Just after I was very relieved. Now the implications have hit me and no it wasnt right for me. By the way here in Canada its legal and free. So easy and yes I was treated well. But now I know it wasnt right. Not deeply depressed but it does bother me. So I guess we just make our peace the best we can and try to do better from now on


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