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Subject: I can't do this


Author:
Candace
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Date Posted: 00:32:41 09/05/05 Mon

I had an abortion yesterday. I have since spiraled into this depression like I've never known. I've never been a very slef-confident, self-loving person, and I've just really made it all worse. I officialy hate myself. My Ex and I broke up at the end of May, but continued to sleep together on occasion cause, I thought anyway, we still loved each other. Well then when I told him I was pregnant, he freaked out. Said his parents would kick him out of the house, he wouldn't be a good dad... had a million reasons he was so upset. I feel like he never even considered how I was feeling. I knew my parents would be unhappy with me, and I couldn't financially afford a child or the medical costs of pregnancy. The next day he told me he thought our best option was abortion, even though neither of us have ever believed it was right. I don't know if I had my abortion for him or if I really had decided I wanted to do it myself. Doesn't matter now I guess. I just am so angry. He's got a new chick he's interested in and I am so angry that he's looking into a new relationship while I'm falling apart. I was talking to him tonight about how depressed I am and he's just telling me to basically get over it and move on. He says I'm feeling how I've been trained a woman will feel after an abortion, not how I should feel. I know he's a jerk and I'm better off without him, but I can't handle really loosing him, especially right now. Plus I feel like because He said he loved me, but I couldn't hold on to that, I won't be able to ever hold on to a guys love and affection. I feel so worthless. Sorry to you all, I just really needed to vent and let this out. I have no one to talk to except the father and he's just making things worse. I don't know what to do.

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Replies:
[> Subject: Re: I can't do this


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 10:59:55 09/07/05 Wed

Dear Candace,

I'm so glad you found this site and could post your feelings here. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I know you are hurting, and it's valid to feel the way you do. You have lost a relationship and more - and that is painful. I would suggest you get a locking journal that you can write down your feelings in - many times it helps to write day to day (you don't have to write daily) - but getting those emotions out can really help. It doesn't even have to make sense or be grammatically correct -

I also want to encourage you to reach out more - there are Pregnancy Centers that offer FREE and CONFIDENTIAL Post-abortion counseling - look up one near you at this site:

http://www.pregnancycenters.org/advantage.asp

There is another site that is for women who have had abortions and it's really good also:

http://www.safehavenministries.com/

Please plese visit there! They offer more online support if you're not able to go to a center.

You are NOT worthless - you are precious and you need to take heart, seek some support - and let us know how you are doing.

Hugs,

Kris


[> Subject: Re: I can't do this


Author:
Ronnie
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Date Posted: 17:52:19 10/02/05 Sun

My heart and prayers go with you. While I have always been anti-abortion, I am sad to say I lost my first grandchild in that manner. When I was told, I cried. What could I say? I started a journal, The kind that has blank unlined pages. The first couple of pages were delirious. They are pictures of aborted babies. I labeled my journal "My very first grandchild". I wrote when I needed to verbally express the pain, the sadness, even the delirium. Under one of the photo's I wrote "just a little glue and a few popsickle sticks, and we will have you back together in no time". I cut photo's out of magazines and put them in the journal, one year old's, two year olds, holiday pictures, the whole gambit. Is this obsessive behavior? No, it is healing. On her actual birthdate, I cut out pictures of things I would have bought her. I write of the fun we would have together. I love her. I always will. I regret that I will never have the opportunity to hear her voice, see her run and play, but I am healing. I have been blessed with 3 other grandchildren since. I have included them in the journal. I draw pictures of all of us together on the porch swing, I never see her face, but her laughter surrounds me. I have forgiven all involved, but refuse to let her memory fade. Mistakes forgotten are mistakes which will be repeated. Please do journal. And don't feel like you have to hide it. It is a very major part of who you are, and where you are going from here.
You are a gift of God, God didn't make junk. Asking for his forgiveness, and the strength to forgive yourself, will help you move forward. Don't hesitate to reach out for help. In God we trust. Love, Ronnie

[> Subject: Re: I can't do this


Author:
Debra
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Date Posted: 22:26:44 10/07/05 Fri

Hi

I'm 39, almost 40, I have two sons that are 17 amd 19. I was dating someone in December 2004 and became pregnant. After I became pregnant he disappeared and wouldn't answer or return my calls. I decided I couldn't have the abortion and told my sons and family. At the end of my third month, I got so scared, I didn't know how I would do it on my own, and I had an abortion. No one knows. I have not been the same since and I struggle ever day. October, if I had not had the abortion, my baby would be a year old. I wish I could go back, but I can't. I'm telling you my story after reading yours, so that you know that you are not alone. I don't the answer how to make it not hurt, but if you need a friend to talk to , I could use one too.

Thanks

Debra

[> Subject: Re: I can't do this


Author:
hottrini
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Date Posted: 23:00:08 10/15/05 Sat

i am sorry to hear you are going through such a rough time with your post abortion and its even harder when you have no one to talk to but you have to forgive your self for it if you cannot do that then how do you expect god or anyone else to you have to stay strong for your own health the important thing is, is that you feel sorry for what you did you feel remorse and you can connect with god on that level god knows your pain and he will be there for you if you let him and he will forgive you but you also have to forgive your self because think about it he already knew what was going to happen so its time to heal your heart and your soul forgiveness is there you just have to take it.


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