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Subject: Re: I can't do this

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Date Posted: 17:52:19 10/02/05 Sun
In reply to: Candace 's message, "I can't do this" on 00:32:41 09/05/05 Mon

My heart and prayers go with you. While I have always been anti-abortion, I am sad to say I lost my first grandchild in that manner. When I was told, I cried. What could I say? I started a journal, The kind that has blank unlined pages. The first couple of pages were delirious. They are pictures of aborted babies. I labeled my journal "My very first grandchild". I wrote when I needed to verbally express the pain, the sadness, even the delirium. Under one of the photo's I wrote "just a little glue and a few popsickle sticks, and we will have you back together in no time". I cut photo's out of magazines and put them in the journal, one year old's, two year olds, holiday pictures, the whole gambit. Is this obsessive behavior? No, it is healing. On her actual birthdate, I cut out pictures of things I would have bought her. I write of the fun we would have together. I love her. I always will. I regret that I will never have the opportunity to hear her voice, see her run and play, but I am healing. I have been blessed with 3 other grandchildren since. I have included them in the journal. I draw pictures of all of us together on the porch swing, I never see her face, but her laughter surrounds me. I have forgiven all involved, but refuse to let her memory fade. Mistakes forgotten are mistakes which will be repeated. Please do journal. And don't feel like you have to hide it. It is a very major part of who you are, and where you are going from here.
You are a gift of God, God didn't make junk. Asking for his forgiveness, and the strength to forgive yourself, will help you move forward. Don't hesitate to reach out for help. In God we trust. Love, Ronnie

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[> Subject: Re: I can't do this

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Date Posted: 22:26:44 10/07/05 Fri


I'm 39, almost 40, I have two sons that are 17 amd 19. I was dating someone in December 2004 and became pregnant. After I became pregnant he disappeared and wouldn't answer or return my calls. I decided I couldn't have the abortion and told my sons and family. At the end of my third month, I got so scared, I didn't know how I would do it on my own, and I had an abortion. No one knows. I have not been the same since and I struggle ever day. October, if I had not had the abortion, my baby would be a year old. I wish I could go back, but I can't. I'm telling you my story after reading yours, so that you know that you are not alone. I don't the answer how to make it not hurt, but if you need a friend to talk to , I could use one too.



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