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Subject: Sister had an Abortion, but Im hurting aswell

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Date Posted: 12:40:46 12/15/05 Thu

My sister had an abortion on Tuesday, December 13, 05.....She is 31, she had her first child when she was 16, he is now 15..she has been with her boyfriend now for 3 months. They were a couple 17 years ago, and just found each other 3 and a half months ago....We all thought it was fate, her finding him and all....She and her son quickly moved in with him and his 3 kids and he had made it very clear that he did not want anymore kids..Hes 35...So she was having some medical problems to begin with and she was waiting to see a fertility specialist, she went to the appointment but the boyfriend must not of known what type of appiontment she was going to....See she has wanted a baby for the past 10 or so years, and has tryed for all of them, with no luck.....Well turns out she got pregnant the first few times her and her new boyfriend slept together, how often does that happen.....Anyway, she went for an ultra sound but didnt think anything of it, she never though that she would be preg after trying for so long, but there it was, 8 weeks, 3days a heart beat....She went home and told him and he freaked, there was no way that he wanted this baby, and there was no changing his mind...Now both our mother and me know she wanted it, but the fear of him breaking up and being an a jerk for the rest of her life held more importance over her decision to abort. He had three weeks to think it over and still to the day it was to be done, he still didnt want it..And he wasnt willing ot take the time off work to sit by her side while their baby was taken. I did how ever site by her side while the abortion was done, and cant stop thinking about it...Im so mad that she didnt make him go, but im glad i could be there when she needed some one.....Every night since, i cant help to remeber what i heard in that room...I think it wil haunt me for the rest of my life, and my sister is in total and complete denial....To top it off she wants me to go to their house for christmas, and ive said id go, but im not sure if i will....I not one to hold grudges, but this one will take along time.....Can anyone tell me if they are the secondary victom....Does anyone feel the way i do, no one to talk to, and feel just as hurt as the mother? sorry to ramble but i have to get my feelings down..thanks for listening...

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[> Subject: Re: Sister had an Abortion, but Im hurting aswell

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Date Posted: 09:47:37 12/16/05 Fri

Dear Shelly,

I want to direct you to:


There are many more message boards there, and I think you will find other folks there that have sat in the room during an abortion and can speak to the emotions they have also dealt with.

This board is just a little quiet and I have not had the experience you had.

I will say that your feelings are valid, and the hurt and pain and anger about it all are justified.

You are a good to be there for
your sister. She will snap out of that denial at some point and it will be devastating to her. She will need direction and help to deal with the denial, grief, guilt, anger, and depression that is awaiting her.

I do know many post-abortive women and ALL of them have dealt with the aftermath of an abortion. Some get hit by it right away and some go years in a state of denial letting it eat them alive inside. (You can also "google" post-abortion and find more about that)

You don't mention anything about God in your post, but I would like to say that God is the one you and your sister are going to have to learn to lean on to get through this. I would be more than willing to talk to you further about that, you can email me privately or post here again.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your sister.


[> Subject: Re: Sister had an Abortion, but Im hurting aswell

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Date Posted: 02:32:21 12/19/05 Mon

Hi, Shelly,

My heart goes out to you. You have suffered a tremendous loss. Your sister didn't really want an abortion; she was forced into it. Sooner or later she will think about that. Chances are, her relationship with the father will break up, and then she will have nothing. If she had kept the baby, she would at least have her baby. I'm sorry someone didn't tell her that she can't save a relationship by having an abortion. Her boyfriend is a total jerk. He is scum as far as I am concerned. Nobody has a right to force a woman to have an abortion.

I pray that the Lord will comfort you both. It will be difficult when your sister faces what she has done. Several things can trigger her coming out of denial. The due date, the abortion date, seeing a picture of an unborn child somewhere, many different things can do this. I call it being blindsided. Please be there for her. She will need you. Try to reach out to her as the survivor. Her future may well be in your hands, because she could become self-destructive. If possible, find a crisis pregnancy agency in your area and try to get some counseling that will help you help her. Once she faces it, that will also be an important resource.



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