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Subject: Re: my girlfriend had an abortion


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 16:02:02 12/18/05 Sun
In reply to: joe 's message, "my girlfriend had an abortion" on 21:01:43 12/17/05 Sat

Dear Joe,

You are experiencing some deep grief. You will need to work through the loss of your child and your relationship and gain more understanding about why you have the feelings you have. That will help you to overcome the pain you are going through.

There is another board that is much more active and there is even a section specifically for men:

http://www.safehavenministries.com/

I recommend you visit there, just because this board tends to be pretty quiet.

I want to walk you through some "Grief Myths" in hopes that it may help a little.

Myth 1: We only grieve deaths
Truth: We grieve all losses (like loosing a relationship)

Myth 2: Grief is an emotional reaction
Truth: Grief is manifested in many ways (I would say for men, it's mainly anger)

Myth 3: Only family members grieve
Truth: All who are attached grieve

Myth 4: Individuals should leave grieving at home
Truth: We cannot control where we grieve (a walk in the park may recall a memory of the person, and awake the grief)

Myth 5: We slowly and predictably recover from grief
Truth: Grief is an uneven process, a roller coaster with no time line

Myth 6: Grieving means letting go of the person who has died
Truth: We never fully detach (some grief counselors will suggest you name your baby - as this helps with bringing dignity to the loss of the child)

Myth 7: Grief finally ends
Truth: People learn to live with loss over time

Myth 8: Grievers are best left alone
Truth: Grievers need opportunites to share their memories and grief, and to recieve support

I am so sorry for your loss. The loss of the relationship and the loss of the child. I am glad you posted and that you are looking for healing from the pain. I will say that when the storms of life have hit me the hardest, I have the Lord to lean on and that has comforted me more than anything. I hope you have a faith that will allow you to do the same.

Please post again if you want to "talk" more.

Kris

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Replies:
[> [> Subject: Re: my girlfriend had an abortion


Author:
Vickie
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Date Posted: 19:17:30 01/06/06 Fri

first of all the number one thing you did wrong, is have sex in the first place. You could have showed her your love by not having a sexual relationship in the first place. After all you knew she already had a child and you put you and her at a risk that you could have prevented.
All that being aside, have you ever talked to her and ask her why, how she is feeling? Maybe she felt she couldn't handle another child.. and then thinking about one by herself again. Yes you said you would be there and wanted to marry her, but maybe the other guy said the same. When a women decides to have an abortion, it isn't a easy decision. She is going through emotional things and sometimes feels the the only way out. Which really is the just the beginning of a hardship.
There isnt' a whole lot now you can do, besides get the help you need to heal. Also be there for her, after you have recieved the help. she will need support and help herself when that time comes.. and practice abstinance.. please do learn by your mistakes.

vickie



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