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Subject: Young N Naive


Author:
Gee
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Date Posted: 22:45:50 01/02/06 Mon

Hello Im A 17 year Old Female that had an abortion Nov 29, 2004. I was 15 at the time and my bf was 19...Im still with him today...Well since i have had the abortion i have been stuck in a depressed state. I hide my pain and only talk 2 some about what im going through. I talk 2 my boyfriend about it but the most he can tell me is that i have done it and dats it. I didnt really want to have that abortion i was young and scared and just thought that it was the right thing 2 do...untill i took it out and really felt this sence of emptyness. It was like wow its really gone and i am the cause because i killed my "7.5" to "8" week old fetus. The Doctor couldnt even find the baby on the screen but i searched frantically and when i did i got attached..something i tried so hard to not do. I went from bitterness to wow thats my baby that small dot. When i was on that table.. the 2 nurses there were trying 2 keep me calm because at that point i was jus so scared of that needle and falling asleep because i knew how i would wake up...but they jus kept saying dont worry its gonna be ok....INow i want a baby and i dont want a baby because i need something 2 love but my body, mind and heart is urning for one. im not trying 2 replace n e thing but trying 2 make up for something i have done. I never felt like i wanted something so bad. I need help I dont kno how 2 cope...i cry every night im depressed and i feel like a phony and a fake...I feel like a mother that killed her own baby in selfishness. I dont feel alone because i kno people go through this but i feel alone at a point where my bf doesnt share the pain i feel....

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Replies:
[> Subject: Re: Young N Naive


Author:
jennifer
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Date Posted: 18:26:33 01/03/06 Tue

I know exactly what you feel. I was 19 when I had mine, it was the easiist, yet hardest desicion I ever made. My boyfriend at the time was supportive, but distant. In fact he is my husband now. I was so scared when i saw that little pink line. In fact I'll never forget the horror in my mind. Untill recenly my husband wouldnt talk to me about it at all, he figured its done get over it. But now he will tell me he thinks about it occasionally too. In fact I knew that it bothered him when about a year after the procedure he was almost arrested for chasing the anti-abortionist all over town in his car because he had some horrible controversial pics on bill boards and he would sit on a very busy corner with them. Keep in mind that was 5 years ago almost, but it feels like it happened yesterday. THis is a pain that will never go away. It will hurt you forever, but bringing another baby into this world will never make up for the baby you lost. Give youself more time to mourn, see a councelor. I did for a long time, and now I dont cry everyday, and I dont hate myself everyday anymore. I can look in the mirror now and see me, and say I made the right choice. I had nothing to offer a baby, and if I had that baby I wouldn't have anything for a long time, but now, I can. I am ready finacially and I nkow that today I can go buy those expensive shoes and provide healthcare and I can do it with my husband, because now I know it will be a desicion we will make together, not someting we are forced into. When you decide to have a family together, it will make your life so much easier. Good Luck. Im not sure if you go to college, but my college couselor is where I went, and it was the best thing I ever did!
[> [> Subject: Re: Young N Naive


Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 15:58:14 01/04/06 Wed

Jennifer,

I just want to ask you if you think you did the right thing, why did it hurt so much? Do you not think that you would have been at peace with your decision all along? Just something to think about.

One more thing: being able to be a good mother to a baby isn't about material blessings. It's about love. Our children would be better off if we didn't make life perfect for them. Making a perfect life usually produces spoiled children that nobody wants to be around. Human beings are a perverse species; we require a certain amount of challenge to thrive. Please think hard also about wanting to provide the perfect upbringing for a child. You will make mistakes (I made my share), and you don't want to put yourself in the position where you blame yourself for not doing a perfect job. Children have a mind of their own and they will do things you don't approve of. When that happens, don't blame yourself. It's their choice. Raise them the best you can, put ethical behavior and a solid spiritual grounding in first place. Give them what they really need, but not necessarily everything they want.

I am happy you are putting your life back together, but please be sure you do it the right way. If you do it by misleading yourself, then it will continue to haunt you, and you will still have to deal with it. Think deeply about why it hurt so much, and deal with those issues. Please.

Hugs,

Pat


[> Subject: Re: Young N Naive


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 22:10:34 01/03/06 Tue

Dear Gee,

What you are feeling is really quite common for a woman who has had an abortion. There are post-abortion help groups - some pregnancy centers offer them - you can start by looking up a center in your area at this web site:

www.optionline.org

Call and ask if they offer the cousneling (it's usually free of charge). I think it's a very helpful program.

You can also visit this web site:

http://www.safehavenministries.com/

They have more active message boards there. This one tends to be pretty quiet.

Please do reach out for more help. You are grieving a loss and it's very real and you need to deal with the emotions you feel in order to heal from them. I'm so sorry you are going through this........I will keep you in my prayers.

Hugs, Kris

[> Subject: Re: Young N Naive


Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 16:06:21 01/04/06 Wed

Hi, Gee,

If the doctor couldn't find the baby, how do you know you had one? It is not uncommon for an abortionist to do an abortion on a woman who was never pregnant. You could have had a miscarriage and not known it. I don't want to let you off the hook, because that's not healthy for you. But at the same time, I don't want you blaming yourself if you really weren't pregnant. At the age of your baby that you report, there would have been more than a small dot.

You are expressing the desire for a replacement baby. This is not uncommon. But if all the reasons you decided to have an abortion in the first place still exist, having one would be unwise. You might end up getting another abortion, too.

Your boyfriend's behavior is fairly common. Guys don't usually express what they are feeling, and the pregnancy may not have been real to him to begin with. A lot of guys don't really admit there is a baby until they can see changes in the mother's body, feel movement, or see an ultrasound. Also, it may take him longer to realize how he really feels about it. I know how much it hurts for him to act that way, but this is one situation which often works better shared with other women. I am so glad you came!

Obviously, you violated your own ethical standards. This is going to cause a lot of emotional pain, and you are facing up to what abortion really entails. Please seek reconciliation with God. This will be a tremendous help. A woman can heal emotionally from abortion to a certain extent without this, but in my experience, the ones who truly heal completely are the ones who are reconciled to God. God loves you, and He already paid for what you did. All you have to do is ask Him for forgiveness. And then you will need to work on forgiving yourself. That may very well be hard, but once you are aware of God's forgiveness, keep in mind that you should bring your own thoughts into conformity with His, so that you can remain close to Him. He is the only source of healing.

We'll be praying for you.

Hugs,
Pat

[> Subject: Re: Young N Naive


Author:
vickie
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Date Posted: 19:03:50 01/06/06 Fri

hi, I have been there where you are andit is a hard place. please know you are not alone. Also please dont' try to make up for what you have or haven't done. sometimes that will just make things worse. Instead think of your body and yourself and your future and try abstinance, it is best for you and your bf.
if you ever need to talk please contact me.
vickie


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