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Subject: Re: Young N Naive


Author:
jennifer
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Date Posted: 18:26:33 01/03/06 Tue
In reply to: Gee 's message, "Young N Naive" on 22:45:50 01/02/06 Mon

I know exactly what you feel. I was 19 when I had mine, it was the easiist, yet hardest desicion I ever made. My boyfriend at the time was supportive, but distant. In fact he is my husband now. I was so scared when i saw that little pink line. In fact I'll never forget the horror in my mind. Untill recenly my husband wouldnt talk to me about it at all, he figured its done get over it. But now he will tell me he thinks about it occasionally too. In fact I knew that it bothered him when about a year after the procedure he was almost arrested for chasing the anti-abortionist all over town in his car because he had some horrible controversial pics on bill boards and he would sit on a very busy corner with them. Keep in mind that was 5 years ago almost, but it feels like it happened yesterday. THis is a pain that will never go away. It will hurt you forever, but bringing another baby into this world will never make up for the baby you lost. Give youself more time to mourn, see a councelor. I did for a long time, and now I dont cry everyday, and I dont hate myself everyday anymore. I can look in the mirror now and see me, and say I made the right choice. I had nothing to offer a baby, and if I had that baby I wouldn't have anything for a long time, but now, I can. I am ready finacially and I nkow that today I can go buy those expensive shoes and provide healthcare and I can do it with my husband, because now I know it will be a desicion we will make together, not someting we are forced into. When you decide to have a family together, it will make your life so much easier. Good Luck. Im not sure if you go to college, but my college couselor is where I went, and it was the best thing I ever did!

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[> [> Subject: Re: Young N Naive


Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 15:58:14 01/04/06 Wed

Jennifer,

I just want to ask you if you think you did the right thing, why did it hurt so much? Do you not think that you would have been at peace with your decision all along? Just something to think about.

One more thing: being able to be a good mother to a baby isn't about material blessings. It's about love. Our children would be better off if we didn't make life perfect for them. Making a perfect life usually produces spoiled children that nobody wants to be around. Human beings are a perverse species; we require a certain amount of challenge to thrive. Please think hard also about wanting to provide the perfect upbringing for a child. You will make mistakes (I made my share), and you don't want to put yourself in the position where you blame yourself for not doing a perfect job. Children have a mind of their own and they will do things you don't approve of. When that happens, don't blame yourself. It's their choice. Raise them the best you can, put ethical behavior and a solid spiritual grounding in first place. Give them what they really need, but not necessarily everything they want.

I am happy you are putting your life back together, but please be sure you do it the right way. If you do it by misleading yourself, then it will continue to haunt you, and you will still have to deal with it. Think deeply about why it hurt so much, and deal with those issues. Please.

Hugs,

Pat



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