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Subject: Re: Childless and alone

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Date Posted: 10:19:33 01/30/06 Mon
In reply to: Gina 's message, "Childless and alone" on 03:42:27 01/29/06 Sun

Dear Gina,

I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. I want to urge you to seek out some solid post-abortion counseling. Some pregnancy centers offer this kind of couseling for free. You can look up a center in your area at this web site:


you should also visit this site:


and I noticed another lady had responded to another post and recommended this site:


You are going to find that all of these help centers have one thing in common - they are religious based. I did pick up on the line that you have religious parents, so I am assuming this is OK for you.

I also hope you can find it in you to go talk to your parents. As the mother of a 19 yr old son and a 17 yr old daughter, I know I would want to know what was going on in their lives - especially something to serious. Your parents *love* you so much, I am sure, and they only want the best things in life for you. They will realize that you aren't perfect, and love you still. You need to give them that chance.

You also need to forgive yourself and ask God to forgive you. On top of that, you need to forgive your boyfriend. All of what has happened came from fear - and fear is a very strong emotion we all have. Your boyfriend was afraid of what the future would be with a baby. It also seems to me that now he is just burying all the emotion about it all in hopes that it will just go away. It might not get to him right now, but somewhere down the road it will deeply affect him.

I hope some of this "advice" has helped. Please feel free to post again.

Hugs, Kris

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[> Subject: Re: Childless and alone

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Date Posted: 12:57:25 01/30/06 Mon

Hi, Gina,

I am very glad you came. I agree with Kris and urge you to get some counseling.

I think you are probably aware that you can't turn back the clock, you can only go on from here. But you can heal.

What your boyfriend did to you is incredibly cruel. I would really lay down the law to him about it. You will NOT make yourself vulnerable again, so he isn't entitled to go to bed with you anymore. And he is NOT entitled to your silence. He hurt you terribly. You don't owe him your silence, and I'd make that clear to him. He needs to seek your forgiveness. If he won't do that, then you should feel free to warn any other woman he gets involved with. I am outraged at his conduct!

There are some things that don't make you stronger. This is one of them. It may not kill you, and probably won't, but it will definitely be very harmful to you for quite awhile, which is why the counseling is so vitally important. Women don't ever forget. All you can do is receive God's forgiveness and then forgive yourself. Both are not easy. But complete healing IS possible.

I think it is also somewhat obvious that your relationship with your parents isn't what it should be. If you are afraid they will cut you off if they find out, then reconciliation with them is definitely needed. A crisis pregnancy agency can help you deal with this issue. Remember the way Jesus treated the woman taken in adultery. That is the example they should follow. Seek a way to reconcile with them so that they will not reject and disown you. Obviously, part of the reason this happened is because of their attitude, or your perception of it.

I have two daughters and five sons. I made it clear to them that if they were ever involved in abortion, I would disown them. However, if one of them came to me and said, "I had an abortion and I am sorry," I would forgive them and seek reconciliation. They received strong teaching at home against abortion. Our younger daughter actually responded by getting involved in counseling herself, and she was very good at it, though it took an emotional toll because two of the women chose abortion anyway. Thinking as a mother, I would want one of my children to be able to come to me and tell me that they were involved, and they were deeply sorry. If I saw true remorse, then reconciliation would be the first thing on my mind.

May God bless you in your efforts to deal with your situation.


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