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Subject: Re: My regret

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Date Posted: 12:47:04 01/30/06 Mon
In reply to: Erica 's message, "My regret" on 03:24:33 01/27/06 Fri


Kris is right, but I feel a need to add something to what she said.

Forgiveness is a decision. It is the decision to accept the hurt that someone has done to you, and not hold it against them. It is not an act of the emotions.

That said, I agree you should forgive your boyfriend. However, that does NOT mean that you should necessarily "reconcile" with him. What he did to you is cruel. And you have been robbed of something incredibly precious. I would not consider his attitude to bode well for your relationship. When will he do this to you again? So here is what I recommend. Tell him that if he does not agree to counseling, it's all over. Give him a deadline, say, 2 weeks, to give you his decision. Seek counseling at a local crisis pregnancy agency. Regardless of what he does, you should go.

If he refuses to go to counseling, break it off with him. If he comes to you later and asks for your forgiveness, give it freely, but insist he go to counseling. He needs to deal with the attitude that caused him to coerce you into getting an abortion, and if he's not willing to do that, then I think your relationship would be detrimental to you.

Those are just my thoughts. I don't take kindly to men doing this to a woman. I absolutely agree that you must forgive him, but this is not the same thing as continuing to see him.

Another thing I would do is make it clear to him that regardless, you aren't going to make yourself vulnerable to that situation again, so he needs to respect you and not insist on taking you to bed. This won't necessarily hurt your relationship; it could help.

As to whether or not he is hurting, I don't know. He may be in denial. Men don't express their emotions much. So all you can do there is wait and see if he chooses to express himself.

I am offering these thoughts because clearly you are at war with yourself over him.

We will be praying for you.


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[> [> Subject: Re: My regret

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Date Posted: 09:17:36 02/01/06 Wed

Well this week has been very hard on our relationship especially since we live together and one of his children is at our home all the time ......we had a big argument on sunday and he finally began to show some sympathy....he said he is just starting to realize the magnitude of what he made me do as well as what he did to our shild.....he agreed to the counseling as well as to give me space and time to decide what I want to do .....I told him that if this were to happen again and he even brought up the idea of abortion that i would leave him and he agreed he would never do that to me again ......because he now realizes what he did was so wrong.....but who know ....he says that now.....i guess only time will tell and only time can heal my heart.....I miss my child so much and its makes me want to have another one even more.....I feel so sad and empty

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