Author:
Brandi (so confused)
[Edit]
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Date Posted: 00:58:50 03/16/08 Sun
>>I am so confused. I really would appreciate someone
>>talkin to me, cause i cant talk to anyone i personally
>>know about this subject. I am 18 years old, female,
>>and i always assumed i was straight. I was attracted
>>to guys and all that..had bfs and im attracted to
>>them. But i also have a best friend, this girl..she's
>>straight, has had TONS of boyfriends, and the thing is
>>we're VERY VERY CLOSE.like sisters. We're so close
>>that I cant hide anythin from her. But theres one
>>thing she doesnt know, is that im madly in love with
>>her. Or so I think! We talk for hours, spend time
>>together, and everytime shes talking to me i think
>>about kissing her and hugging her and holding her. I
>>want to take away all her pain, when she tells me shes
>>in pain, when her boyfriend hurts her. When she
>>touches me, i feel something tingles, i feel like im
>>holding myself back from touching her. I dont want to
>>ever lose her, shes my only true best friend. ANd i do
>>know that she would freak out if i told her this, she
>>would walk away. shes the type who would just walk
>>away without explaining, because shes afraid of pain
>>and hurting herself and others. we;re so close, that
>>its getting to be really hard to be with her , around
>>her, when i have these feelings. i feel like im lying
>>to her , like im guilty..she keeps telling me that i
>>hide things from her, that im not an open book, i
>>laugh and say ofcourse not. but the subject of
>>lesbians and bis doesnt appeal to her, at times when
>>the subject is brought up when we are with other
>>friends..she says that its disgusting to be attracted
>>to the same sex. When i heard that, it killed, cause i
>>hated myself for being "disgusting" in her eyes. Or if
>>i ever WAS disgusting,if she ever found out. I dont
>>know wat to do, im not even sure if i like her that
>>way..I am straight but shes the only girl ..i mean the
>>only PERSOn..thats ever made me feel this way. It
>>scares me. I dont know wat to do about it..and I dont
>>even know if havin these thoughts and feelings about
>>her means i love her..PLEASE HElP by atleast tellin me
>>wat u think..I really need help..i need ppl who wont
>>judge harshly.
This is so crazy bc I feel the same way about one of my best friends..I am 23..I don't consider myself a lesbian or even bi to tell you the truth. I find women attractive but the only one that I really want to be with is my best friend. I'm in the process of trying to figure out whether or not she could possibly have the same feelings I do. She talks to me like a bf should talk to his gf..she says things to me that I wouldn't really want her to say to me in front of others..just the way she acts around me makes me nervous in public so does that mean she is into me? I have never been so confused in my life. We have both had bf's but she says she'd rather have me around than some dude that is gonna fuck her over. What's hard for me is the physical attraction I'm going through..we are so close and constantly hanging out so she feels comfortable wearing certain things around me..God if she only knew how I felt about her. I wanna tell her..I wanna hold her..touch her..kiss her...it drives me literally insane that I can't do these things to her that I just don't know how to be around her anymore. The difference in my relationship though is that she has expressed in the very beginning an interest in kissing other girls...no hatred. I guess I'm lucky..I'm still so scared though. Good luck to u..or really since it was 2 yrs ago I hope it worked out..
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