Author:
Scarecrow
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Date Posted: 10:35:45 04/28/01 Sat
God, how long has it been now since "Under the Bed" had it's latest installment? I'm sick of this! I'm going to end this story now!
Or WAS it?
Turns out it wasn't. Anya worked herself into such a paranoid delusion that she wet the bed. Screaming at the horror she just committed, Anya ran down the hall to her parents room. After a change of sheets, putting on some dry jammies, some warm milk and her medication, Anya settled right down and prepared for another blissul slumber. Her normal dreams tended to revolved around Sugar Plum Faries, Gum Drop Houses, and Care Bears. Just as she was of to Care-A-Lot...
...she heard that rustling under her bed again. Her eyes flew open. Her heart raced in a new-found fear. But this time, hepped up on her medication, she had the courage to face her fears. Ever so slowly, she bent over, lifted her covers, and looked under her bed. What she saw will haunt her for the rest of her days.
It was a talking cat.
Meowth>> MEOWTH!!! Get out of my way!
The cat sprinted out from under her bed! Anya pulled her covers up in a feeble attempt to protect herself from the horrors of a talking cat. She heard more rustling from under the bed! She soon began to hear other voices in the room. She lowered the covers just enough to spot that the talking cat had been joined by two people: a man with purple hair, and a woman with long, flowing red hair. Both were wearing uniforms of some sort. The uniforms were white with a big red "R" on the chest. The woman seemed to be restraining a rodent-like thing that looked a lot like the world's most popular comic strip star, Ratsputin of "Chuck Loves The World" fame.
James>> Are those twerps still following us?
Jessie>> I don't think so. I think we lost them when we ran into that tunnel. Where are we?
Meowth>> It looks like that tunnel brought us to some kid's bedroom.
Jessie>> Perfect! We can hide out here while we figure out how to get back to the boss and give him this pokemon.
Ratsputin>> C'mon guys. We've been going over this for months, now. I'M NOT A POKEMON!! Please just let me go home.
James>> Shut up, you. Or I'll start singing Barabra Streissand's greatest hits again!
Ratsputin>> Oh, the humanity!
Jessie>> Quiet, you two! I think hear something from under that kid's bed. The twerps are on to us!
James>> We must flee!
All in unison>> TEAM ROCKET IS BLASTING OFF AGAIN!!
Ratsputin>> NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
And at that, they jumped out the window. Anya lowered the covers, her face white. She was about to go down the hall and tell her parents that she needed clean sheets and fresh jammies again, when she heard even more rustling under her bed. Summoning up her last remaining ounces of courage, she peered under her bed and was face-to-face with...
...a yellow rat thing.
Anya screamed.
Pikachu>> PIKAAAAAAAAA!!
Anya once again darted under her covers. After even more rustling she peered out to see that four people had joined the rat-thing. They seemed...friendlier than the last group, so she revealed herself completely.
Ash>> Oh, f--k. Now where are we?
Misty>> ASH!! Watch your f--king mouth! There are kids present!
Tracey>> MISTY!! Watch your language!
Misty>> Sorry, Tracey. I've been around Ash's persistent swearing for so long, I'm starting to pick it up.
Kenten>> Tee-hee! These cartoon characters are still swearing!
Ash>> And you! Get over it! Yes, we're cartoon characters!! Yes, we're helping you recover a kidnapped cartoon character that you created! And yes, we just walked through a long, dark tunnel, to arrive out from under some little girls bed!! REALITY ENDED A LONG TIME AGO!! GET OVER IT!!
And at Ash's harsh tone of voice, Kenten curled up into the fetal position and began weeping like a little girl.
Anya>> Excuse me.
Ash>> Yes?
Anya>> You mentioned a kidnapped cartoon character. Was he kidnapped by a closeted homsexual with purple hair, a bitchy woman with red hair, and a talking cat?
Ash>> Yup, that's the a--holes from Team Rocket, all right. Did they pass through here?
Anya>> I'm not going to tell you.
Ash>> Why the f--k not?
Anya>> Because you keep swearing! Please don't use that language. It offends me.
Ash>> I'm sorry. It's just that I haven't eaten anything in months, and I get this way when I'm hungry.
Anya>> Well, I've got some cookies in my dresser. You can have them.
Ash>> Really? Oh, gee, thanks!
At this, Ash opened up Anya's top drawer and began rooting through her underwear in search of cookies. Soon, he had himself a long-awaited feast of chocolate chips and Oreos.
Ash>> That's wonderful! Now that I'm full of sugar, I can stop my potty mouth and go back to my wholesome activites of capturing defenseless animals and forcing them to perform for me, and denying my true feeling for Misty!
Kenten>> But first, you're gonna get Ratsputin back, right?
Ash>> You bet! I really want to get back to Kingman and win that Lutefisk badge!
Misty>> Why are you so obsessed with that Lutefisk badge? In trying to get Ratsputin back, we've been to Nova Scotia where you got a Frenchie badge, and soon we'll be in Vancouver, where you can get a New Age Hippie badge. Why do want that Lutefisk badge so badly?
Ash>> Shut up, ho.
Anya>> I think you're straying off topic.
Ash>> You're right. Which way did Team Rocket go?
Anya>> Out the window.
Ash>> Thanks! C'mon, let's go.
At this point, Anya hears a voice in her head.
Pokemon narrator>> And now, Ash, Misty, Tracey, Kenten, and Pikachu continue on their quest to recover Ratsputin, but along the way, they've made a new friend. And in the end, that's what they're journey is all about.
Anya looked about her room, confused at what just happened. She got out of bed, and went down the hall to the bathroom. She pulled her medication from the cabinet, and, for the first time, noticed a warning label.
"Do not take with warm milk."
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