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>Dear Sweet Diane, > >I really should have been born a girl of put in >dresses from the start. My life as a male was always >stressful and I never knew why. I was always trying to >do what I should, what was expected, what would make >me fit in, but it never felt natural. When I was in >college, I read a book about Zen and about effortless >action - going with your inner flow. My life in pants >never felt like that. It was always putting on a face. >That is funny to say, now that I put my face on every >day with make up, but that face, my new feminine face, >seems so much more me than I ever felt before. > >Anyway, lots has happened. Saturday I wore a nice >blouse and skirt set, hose and heels, did my hair the >way Robin at the salon showed me, put on perfume and >Ginger took me to May Co. to buy make up. Once I was >being served, Ginger left me alone to learn, try and >buy make up. Ginger told me to buy everything that was >recommended. It took over an hour and I felt like a >princess being the center of attention. Again I felt >accepted as I think Keri knew I was a man, but was so >nice to me. I got make up that matched my skin tones >for casual, day and evening looks. Since I had read >about make up on the net and done it for a bit, I >could discuss products intelligently with Keri, who >was a real expert and told me many things I had not >read or thought of. When Ginger came back she paid for >it all. Keri got a good commission and was very happy. >Meanwhile Ginger had gotten some things and put them >in the car. > >One "bad" thing that happened was that some old bitty >had no one to serve her, and was very annoyed. She >figured out I was male and made some really hurtful >remarks she obviously meant for me to overhear. I told >her that I had as much right to be here as she did and >that I was feminine enough to treat other people with >kindness and respect. She looked shocked. I know I was >shocked at myself. > >Other things. I have been having coffee with the other >wives every morning. As first the conversation was all >about me becoming a wife, but now I am just one of the >girls and we discuss kids, gossip and the news. My >B-cup breast forms came. Mary Anne came over Monday >and Tuesday and helped me make another dress. This one >was much more complicated, <a rel=nofollow >target=_blank >href="http://www.voguepatterns.com/item/V8613.htm?searc >h=dress&page=1,">http://www.voguepatterns.com/item/V861 >3.htm?search=dress&page=1,</a> (I made E, the long >sleeved, short skirt variation in a lavender crepe to >fit my new breast forms). It was a bit too ambitious, >so Mary Anne did a lot of the sewing. I wanted to wear >a nice dress I made to my mother's card party >Wednesday. > >I went over to my mother's Wednesday in my house dress >with my new dress on a hanger, and cosmetics in my >purse. She was really surprised how feminine I looked >with my new do and make up. We talked a little about >my feelings, I helped her clean and get ready for >company then, about an hour before hand we stopped and >got ready. When I was ready she cried and told me I >looked beautiful and she was so proud of me. I cried >too and we both just had time to fix our eyes before >her friends came. > >Two were ladies I knew growing up. The others I had >not met. One lady, Nora, was cold and stand-offish, >but the other, Karen was very kind and told me how >beautiful I looked. Later she came in the kitchen and >talked to me alone and told me that when I was a boy >she suggested to my mother that I might like a dress, >and she was glad that I finally realized who I was. It >amazes me how women know these things when I had no >clue. I did not have time to tell her the story, but >she promised to come up for a visit and wanted to know >the whole story when she did. > >The other ladies, the ones I did not know, were polite >but not warm, except one, Jo Anne, of them could not >take her eyes off of me. She stayed behind to help >clean up and asked nicely if she could ask questions. >She asked if I felt girlish as a child and I told her >that when I thought about it, I thought the girls got >to wear nicer things, and had boys interested in them >while as a boy I had to wear plainer things and no one >seemed interested in me. But, it never occurred to me >that I would be happier in dresses. She asked me what >I would have done if my mother had offered me a dress >when I was little and I told her that I would have >been very embarrassed, and said I did not want it. >Then she said and if she had done it anyway? I said I >would probably have come to like it and realize I >belonged in dresses, but then I would have had a hard >time dating and getting married, so I did not know. My >mother piped up that she would have found me someone >like Ginger, so it would have worked out. She said >that when I was a boy one of her friends suggested >that I should be given a dress, but she did not think >I would have liked it. > >It turns out that Jo Anne has a four year old grandson >whose picture she showed me. He has beautiful long >blond naturally curly hair he does not want cut. He >likes to wrap towels around himself and pretend they >are skirts. She asked me if I thought it would be a >good idea to get him a dress. I told her I did not >know anything about children and that it might be hard >for a boy in a dress. She asked me if I was happy to >be in dresses and I said I thought I should have worn >them all along, but I did not want to be making >decisions for other people. She thanked me and did not >say what she was going to do. > >Diane, you mentioned sensual pleasures. Ginger has >made it clear that our sex life is private, but I can >say that intimacy feels very different now. Before I >thought I had something to prove. Now the idea of >proving I am a man seems so childish. Intimacy is a >time for closeness. We do not rush, but cuddle and >warm to each other. I am letting myself have feelings >that I must have ignored before. Before feelings >centered on my groin. Now it seems that my whole body >is more alive and feeling. > >There is a lot more to say. One thing is that I have >been wearing my breast forms almost all the time. I >like the look and weight of them but I really would >like to have feeling in them. So the temptation to >have my own breasts is growing. I don't think I will >go back to pants ever. so the permanency does not >scare me. I just don't know enough about the side >effects and how I would feel. > >I talked to Ginger about children. I was the selfish >one that did not want any. Now I am thinking about >them. I am thinking about Pattie nursing his. I am >imagining holding a sweet baby to my breasts. When I >think of it, I get a sense of longing. I am so very >different as Carla Sue. Carl seems like a complete >jerk and idiot to me. I feel like a woman in thinking >men are so immature and stupid. I don't know how to >say it. I guess I think being a sissy is so much >better then being a man. I am sure this is all >something you already know Diane. > >Love, >Carla Sue

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