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Subject: Speaking of movies

Author: Lilly

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: Mon, Jan 02 2012, 4:17:11 In reply to: Lilly 's message, "Re: Death Crawl" on Mon, Jan 02 2012, 3:51:50 I know I've told this story before....I was suicidal about 6 months into my program..because my psychotic whore bitch of a caseworker had me spinning in circles telling me what a useless human being I was (told me I would NEVER be a good mom), that and those goddamn 12 step meetings 3 times a week that were such a mind fuck ...anyhow...I had decided I needed to die but didn't have the guts to do it to myself. Made an appointment with a psychiatrist. Ironically, even though I was suicidal, when I got to the appointment, the psychiatrist had to leave to respond to an "emergency"...lol..ain't that just my luck!!! So, on the way home, I take the busiest 2 lane state highway...as I am ripping out and throwing my Big Book pages out the window, I am BEGGING God to have just ONE semi cross the center line...even just a foot..I didn't have the balls to do it myself. I am damn near in hysterics. I am seeing my life pass before my eyes and it's just a cluster fuck. So, anyhow..I run out of big book pages and before I know it, I am home, safe and sound and I am furious at God for letting me live. I go in my house, ready to run up to my room and hide from everyone. For some reason, it's pitch black. My husband had taken my kids somewhere and I was home alone. I was actually kind of creeped out because we lived out in the country and it was so dark and quiet so I flipped on the tv for noise. OH MY GOD.....a movie started and it was Nothing to Lose...have you guys ever seen this movie?????? I turned it on at the very beginning and sat until the end laughing and crying my ass off...IT WAS ME. When Tim Robbins said to the guy who is threatening to shoot him, "that would make you my new best friend", I laughed so hard I about shit my pants.....that became "my" new phrase. Everything about that movie was "me" that night. The desperation, the "who gives a shit" attitude, the "do what ya want to me"....it was PERFECT timing. I call it divine intervention...you can call it coincidental, call it the stars lining up, whatever, but that movie (and a little package of prozac that was express shipped to me by a best friend the next day--lol)--saved my life. Sometimes movies really are "real life"........ [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

Subject	Author	Date
Re: Death Crawl	Jinxblu	Mon, Jan 02 2012, 6:33:41
Re: Death Crawl	angel	Tue, Jan 03 2012, 2:10:34