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Date Posted: 22:26:37 09/10/10 Fri
Author: Lady Stormwing
Subject: The Drivers

The Pope is making a tour of the United States and, of course, has a very busy schedule that he's doing his best to stick to. Unfortunately, things run a bit long at one stop and he has to make up time any way he can if he's to be on time for the next gathering. So he dismisses the rest of his entourage and takes off in the Popemobile with just his driver.

They're making good time on back roads but His Holiness is still worried they're going to be late. He tells his driver to floor it, but the fellow refuses to push it any further. After all, he's heard the police in these parts were tough on speeders and he doesn't want to find out first hand.

His Holiness, irritated, orders the driver to pull over. He insists on doing the driving himself for he says no one will toss the Pope in jail. They take off in a cloud of dust, His Holiness at the wheel, his driver cowering in the back seat.

Not too much later, a state trooper pulls them over. The young officer strides up to the car all business-like and mean. This lasts right up until he sees who is driving. His face pasty-white, he heads back to his cruiser to radio for some advice.

"Um, let me talk to the Chief...Hello, sir, sorry to trouble you, but I have a bit of a problem. Just pulled over a speeder and it turns out to be someone quite important. How should I handle this?"

"Depends on who you got, son. Let me guess...it's the Mayor, right? Had himself another snootful and on a tear?"

"No, sir. It's not the Mayor."

"Bigger than that, eh? Not the Senator, again! And don't tell me he has another young girl with him. It's getting awful hard to keep him out of the papers, you know."

"No sir, it wasn't the Senator. Someone a lot more important."

"Well, who you got, son? The President?"

"I don't rightly know, sir. But whoever he is, he must be damn important, because the Pope's his driver!"

--

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks and manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.

"I have an idea, boss," his chauffeur said. "I've heard you give this speech so many times, I bet I could give it for you." Einstein laughed loudly and said, "Why not? Let's do it!"

When they arrived at dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein's speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

Then, an supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know he was nobody's fool. Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely glare and said, "Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me."

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