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Date Posted: 18:32:59 10/06/11 Thu
Author: Lady Elizabeth
Subject: stimulus money

How It All Works
The “Economic Stimulus Package” was indeed an exciting program. I’ll explain it briefly using a Q & A format:
Q: What is an ‘Economic Stimulus’ payment?
A: It is money that the federal government will sent to taxpayers.
... Q: Where will the government get this money?
A: From taxpayers.
Q: So the government is giving me back my own money?
A: Only a smidgen of it.
Q: What is the purpose of this payment?
A: The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high definition TV, thus stimulating the economy.
Q: But isn’t that stilulation the economy of Chine (from whom we are borrowing money)?
A: Shut up.
Below is helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus money wisely:
*If you spend the stimulus money at Walmart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.
*If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
*If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China.
*If you purchase fruit and vegatables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.
*If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
*If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.
*If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in America by:
1) Spending it at yard sales, or
2) Going to ball games, or
3) Spending it on prostitues, or
4) Beer, or
5) Tattoos.
(These are the only Americans businesses still operating in the US.)
Conclusion:
Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day. Happiness abounds!

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