Date Posted:14:09:46 11/27/10 Sat Author: Larn Subject: Interesting. A sentient conscience. I like it! In reply to:
Page2
's message, "A little something from Chapter 2...>>>" on 22:09:58 11/15/10 Mon
I like the idea of a being actually being a person's conscience. I won't rehash the excellent things Fi pointed out, but I would like to reiterate one point about clarity of language.
You're going to have to walk a careful road when writing conversations between Seren and James, especially since they share a body! You've already done the most important part- giving them distinct voices. James and Seren speak with unique speech patterns. This will be your greatest asset when writing dialog between them.
When in doubt, use their proper names instead of pronouns. As Fi pointed out, it's important to be very clear when differentiating between the two characters, especially during an important plot reveal like the one above. If you find yourself using names too often, try restructuring your sentences to be clearer.
You've done a bang-up job of it in this section, however, and I'm looking forward to reading more!
