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Date Posted: 16:43:16 10/05/09 Mon
Author: dea
Subject: missing scene


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[> in here >>> -- dea, 16:50:08 10/05/09 Mon

at last, the scene that was missing is HOA! a little context: this scene takes place in February 2007, 11 months after Ashton and Bryony met, after Luanda, after Ashton's Christmas with the Cavendish. it takes place before the scene when the secret of Bryony's past is revealed, which happens in May. this is the last chapter, the rest of the story is in the Epilogue.


Heights of Abraham
by Dea Vianna

for critique purposes only, does not constitute publication.



Chapter Ten — Burden unrigged [excerpt]



The heavy rains that flooded the south made the winter cold and wet at the Peak. January was especially busy for Ashton, as the Foundation had to deal with a seasonal flu outburst, in addition to the ordinary respiratory diseases. However, it presented itself as the perfect opportunity for the first experimental “Health Wagon” to be put to test in the region. Fortunately, it was proving to be a success.

Ashton was tired, but in good spirit. He had to admit, he was happy. It was a different kind of happy. Happy to stay. More than one and a half year in the same place. A feat. Every now and then he would stop, close his eyes, take a deep breath and sense around. No, the urge to leave was not there. He would be glad, open his eyes and sigh. He had come to terms with the dread of routine. Very little of the hollow in his chest remained. A thing that was too late to mend. But he could live with that.



* * *

[this is the new scene]


‘Will you move in with me?’


Ashton did not look up from the teacup on the wooden table at the dinner “corner” of his drawing room.


‘What?’ He could feel Bryony stiffen on the other side of the table. He could tell that her black eyes were wide-open, but he could not look at her.

‘Move in. With me. Will you?’ He felt a twit for stumbling over words like that. But he never did think before talking when he was with her.

‘Ash…’ He could see her move ahead, trying to look him in the eye, then give up. ‘Why now?’

‘Well… Now is as good a time as any. I mean, I asked you to marry me a couple of months ago. All right, it’s incalculable, as you put it. But we could live together at least.

‘Humm…’ She leaned on the back of the chair.

‘What?’ He looked at her at last.

‘It’s not a good idea’. She frowned and shook her head.

‘Why not?’ He frowned as well.

‘We sort of live together already, do we?’

‘Well... I miss you when you go.’

‘I miss you too, but…’

‘But?’

‘I think I’m a true loner, that’s all.’

‘Don’t give me that. You live with your father!

‘He needs me.’

‘I think you need him.’

‘That too.’ She hesitated. ‘I’m not very good at sharing.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I need my space.’

‘Oh.’

‘You don’t know me.’ She was sad all of a sudden. A sadness he knew well, but considered healed.

‘You’ve said that before. As a matter of fact, you’re always saying that. What are you on about?’

‘I’m an ogre. I need my cave, you know?’

‘Oh, really?’ He smiled.

‘Don’t laugh at me… It’s serious.’

‘I’m not pissing you off. Just talk to me.’

‘Oh, my…’ He could see that it was hard for her. ‘I have lived by myself all my life.’ He raised one eyebrow. ‘All right, in spite of the family, and even with Azekel… well, even though I have people in my life, people I love, I need to go back to my… cave. I’m not making any sense…’

‘Go ahead.’ He leaned back and crossed his arms on his chest. Where was she heading?

‘Hmm… I feel… like I have this… rage inside.’

‘Oh.’ That was it.

‘You’ve seen it, have you?’ She looked at him with pleading eyes.

‘It takes one to know one.’ He looked through her for a couple of seconds, to his own hidden rage.

‘So you know it takes a lot of effort to manage it.’ Oh, yes, he knew that very well.

‘And you fear that you might lose control…’

‘I don’t want to hurt you.’ She lowered her eyes and hid behind the teacup.

‘I see.’ A few seconds went by before Ashton responded. He knew the feeling well. They remained in silence, listening to the rain falling on the late February afternoon.

‘And I fart.’ She looked intently at the bottom of her cup.

‘What?’ He was taken by surprise with the sudden twist.

‘You heard me.’ She hid her moist black eyes behind a childish smile.

‘You can’t be serious.’

‘Believe me, I am.’ She laughed.

‘You are mental, woman.’ He shook his head, laughing.

‘I’m warning you, that’s all.’

‘All right. So you will not give me the true reason.’


Without a word, she stood up, gave him that long, disturbing goodbye-like kiss and took the empty teacups to the kitchen.



* * *

Last edited by author: Mon October 05, 2009 18:26:08   Edited 1 time.

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[> [> I can totally relate to Bryony's position. -- Debi, 06:16:43 10/06/09 Tue

"Needs her cave..." Well, of course! I know there is much more going on here than that but it really struck me as describing her nature. She's settled with where she is, it comforting and she doesn't want to upset that balance, even for someone she cares about. I need my alone time too and you just don't know if you're going to have that kind of space going into a new situation with someone.
Good stuff!
I like my cave too...;-)

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[> [> Ooh, this is good! >>>> -- Page, 21:32:52 10/07/09 Wed

I could feel what both of them were going through in this! Ashton's nervousness, and his hope, and then the way his heart dropped when she said no. I liked his questioning of her, not trying to pry, but wanting so much to understand her point of view.

And Bryony! The way she wanted to say yes to him, to be with him, but knowing she had to be honest about the way she felt. I could also feel her fear that moving in together would ruin the relationship they had.

I understand Bryony, too. I'm a loner at heart, and need my cave. Luckily, I'm married to a man who understands that. *G*

It was so great to spend time with Ashton and Bryony again!

Hugs,
Page

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