Thank you, Page -- Ladies of Lallybroch Literary Forum

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Date Posted: 09:34:51 06/27/09 Sat
Author: Debi
Subject: Thank you, Page
In reply to: Page 's message, "Re: Okay, Larn, it's not just you -- the internet ate my first reply, too!! Trying again, Debi! >>>>" on 21:43:14 06/26/09 Fri

>Let's see if I can remember what I typed before....
>
>I burn with envy when I read anything from Old Dogs,
>because the relationship between Daniel and Valerie is
>so REAL, and easy, and natural. I don't know how hard
>it is for you to write it, but it appears like it's
>just effortless! You have the perfect mix of humor
>along with the more serious thoughts and reactions of
>the characters, and I wish I could do that!
>Reading about Daniel and Valerie is like having a
>conversation with your best friend. With chocolate.

Thank you so much Page. I love your writing and you telling me you're envious makes my day! {Hugs}
>
>I really, really liked the bit about Daniel wearing
>his wedding band around his neck while his hands are
>bandaged. Not in his pocket, not put away in his sock
>drawer waiting for his hands to heal. No, the man has
>to WEAR it. Having read other excerpts, I know the
>reason why Daniel wears the ring, but I love how you
>worked it in here without overstating it. Just
>mentioning it. I also liked how Valerie felt about
>it. Not thinking about Daniel's wife, but about the
>love behind the ring. Very nice, especially after her
>remembering hauling a drunken Ben home.

Valerie is sensible enough to not blame the person the ring represents. Having worn just such a ring and knowing that hers didn't mean much at all has disillusioned her toward the institution of marriage, even though she has the example of her sister and BIL as a positive representation. Valerie is attracted to Daniel at this point, but still not ready for more. Their relationship kinda sneaks up on her.
>
>One problem that really stuck out to me was the first
>paragraph. It's just not up to par with what I've
>come to expect from you, and what I know you can do.
>It reads very stilted and awkward, like "See Dick.
>See Jane. See Dick and Jane run." Or like "See the
>car. See the house. See the house on the lake."
>It's especially jarring compared to the rest of the
>piece, which is written in that effortless-seeming
>flow. The first paragraph just doesn't flow to me.
>
I will review and rewrite. Thanks for pointing it out to me.

>Otherwise, bravo! I think these two characters are
>brilliant, and I love their story!

Thank you!!!
>
>Hugs,
>Page

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>>Let's see if I can remember what I typed before.... >> >>I burn with envy when I read anything from Old Dogs, >>because the relationship between Daniel and Valerie is >>so REAL, and easy, and natural. I don't know how hard >>it is for you to write it, but it appears like it's >>just effortless! You have the perfect mix of humor >>along with the more serious thoughts and reactions of >>the characters, and <b>I wish I could do that!</b> >>Reading about Daniel and Valerie is like having a >>conversation with your best friend. With chocolate. > >Thank you so much Page. I love your writing and you >telling me you're envious makes my day! {Hugs} >> >>I really, really liked the bit about Daniel wearing >>his wedding band around his neck while his hands are >>bandaged. Not in his pocket, not put away in his sock >>drawer waiting for his hands to heal. No, the man has >>to WEAR it. Having read other excerpts, I know the >>reason why Daniel wears the ring, but I love how you >>worked it in here without overstating it. Just >>mentioning it. I also liked how Valerie felt about >>it. Not thinking about Daniel's wife, but about the >>love behind the ring. Very nice, especially after her >>remembering hauling a drunken Ben home. > >Valerie is sensible enough to not blame the person the >ring represents. Having worn just such a ring and >knowing that hers didn't mean much at all has >disillusioned her toward the institution of marriage, >even though she has the example of her sister and BIL >as a positive representation. Valerie is attracted to >Daniel at this point, but still not ready for more. >Their relationship kinda sneaks up on her. >> >>One problem that really stuck out to me was the first >>paragraph. It's just not up to par with what I've >>come to expect from you, and what I know you can do. >>It reads very stilted and awkward, like "See Dick. >>See Jane. See Dick and Jane run." Or like "See the >>car. See the house. See the house on the lake." >>It's especially jarring compared to the rest of the >>piece, which is written in that effortless-seeming >>flow. The first paragraph just doesn't flow to me. >> >I will review and rewrite. Thanks for pointing it out >to me. > >>Otherwise, bravo! I think these two characters are >>brilliant, and I love their story! > >Thank you!!! >> >>Hugs, >>Page
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