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Date Posted: 13:06:19 06/27/09 Sat
Author: Esther
Subject: Alright! Gotta love a good grope scene when the guy is at a woman's mercy...*G* >>>
In reply to: Debi 's message, "Valerie and Daniel" on 18:32:47 06/20/09 Sat

Another most excellent scene Debi!

I really do enjoy the easy banter between these two, it flows so well, is so natural and easy to visualize. I'm along for the ride as their friendship develops and it's a good feeling to anticipate that it'll become more. Awesome!

Now, a couple things. *G*

The first sentence here,

>The car rolled to a stop in front of Daniel’s house.

I can't remember where I heard it or read it or when I finally understood it, but this sentence starts with the. Not normally a big deal, but when you're starting a scene (and yes I realize this isn't necessarily the start of the scene, but it could technically apply to any paragraph) a sentence starting with the word the is introducing a noun to which we haven't been introduced to yet. In this case a car. And by starting out with the car, it leads me to believe the paragraph that follows is about the car, especially in this case cause it seems to roll to a stop all by itself. And then you switch back and forth between the house and Valerie getting out of the car. The description of the house seems out of place where it is, and if you want to include such descriptions, I’d suggest trying to incorporate them in, say for instance when they walk up the steps and cross the deck. Or so is MHO. *G*

And with Daniel, just what did they give him at the hospital? I'm having a hard time grasping that his injuries warrant a drug that has such a debilitating response for him. But then again, I'm living with a man that has a very high threshold for pain, and so could just as easily be just my problem. It just seems exaggerated to me. I can appreciate he’d need help if his hands were bandaged, I just can’t see him needing assistance to the extent he has here.

But I did get a chuckle out of the grope on the front porch, and the way he was unbalanced, and of course, his having his bedroom in the loft. *G* Oh and I’m right there with Daniel! Damn the bad luck! ;-)

Awesome excerpt Debi! Keep ‘em coming!

Hugs

Esther

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[> [> [> Thanks for the ideas, Esther -- Debi, 13:28:58 06/27/09 Sat

>>The car rolled to a stop in front of Daniel’s house.
>
>I can't remember where I heard it or read it or when I
>finally understood it, but this sentence starts with
>the. Not normally a big deal, but when you're
>starting a scene (and yes I realize this isn't
>necessarily the start of the scene, but it could
>technically apply to any paragraph) a sentence
>starting with the word the is introducing a noun to
>which we haven't been introduced to yet. In this case
>a car. And by starting out with the car, it leads me
>to believe the paragraph that follows is about the
>car, especially in this case cause it seems to roll to
>a stop all by itself. And then you switch back and
>forth between the house and Valerie getting out of the
>car. The description of the house seems out of place
>where it is, and if you want to include such
>descriptions, I’d suggest trying to incorporate them
>in, say for instance when they walk up the steps and
>cross the deck. Or so is MHO. *G*

Good points, all. I'll work them in as I review and tweak this scene.
>
>And with Daniel, just what did they give him at the
>hospital? I'm having a hard time grasping that his
>injuries warrant a drug that has such a debilitating
>response for him. But then again, I'm living with a
>man that has a very high threshold for pain, and so
>could just as easily be just my problem. It just
>seems exaggerated to me. I can appreciate he’d need
>help if his hands were bandaged, I just can’t see him
>needing assistance to the extent he has here.

Cat bites are very painful (this I know from more than one incident with angry kitties), coupled with scratches and both his hands were pretty much shredded. I had the idea of his getting a prescription of demerol tabs for the first few days, for that very reason. In the previous scene, they left the ER and stopped at a nearby pharmacy to fill the scrips and Valerie had him take a pill before they drove home 30 minutes. It's had time to kick in. (again, presonal experience from taking my DH to the hospital on multiple occasions for kideny stones.) Ibuprofen works after the initial pain starts to fade.
>
>But I did get a chuckle out of the grope on the front
>porch, and the way he was unbalanced, and of course,
>his having his bedroom in the loft. *G* Oh and I’m
>right there with Daniel! Damn the bad luck! ;-)

LOL, thanks!
>
>Awesome excerpt Debi! Keep ‘em coming!
>
>Hugs

Hugs back!
>
>Esther

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[> [> [> [> Re: A testimonial about injuries inflicted by a cat >>>>> -- Page, 20:28:45 06/27/09 Sat

[Insert names of major narcotics, all flagged by Voy as spam], all good things to have if you've had a cat attach itself to you in any way.

My beloved Siamese, Kato, (who lived to the ripe old age of 18, btw!) got outside one day and was attacked by a neighbor's cat. He wasn't hurt, but was extremely agitated. He dashed into the house when we opened the door to see what that horrible noise was, and I followed him in, intent on comforting my poor baby. The minute I touched that poor baby, he latched onto my left hand with teeth and claws, and DID NOT LET GO. I prayed for death, I kid you not. My DD threw a bath towel over him and attempted to pry him loose. It only made him bite down harder and I screamed. He finally let go when DD doused us both with an ice-cold pitcher of unsweet tea. (Hey, it was cold and she improvised. *G*) I would gladly go through child-birth again, twice, before I'd go through the pain of cat bites. Before I could get to the doctor the next morning, my hand swelled up like a rubber glove full of boiling water. I was on antibiotics and painkillers for two weeks, my hand completely unusable. Those cat injuries are major!

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[> [> [> [> [> Re: A testimonial about injuries inflicted by a cat >>>>> -- Debi, 23:19:51 06/27/09 Sat

I had a cat I was bathing wait until I was toweling him off to decide to have a panic attack. He bit like a terrier, many times and fast, all into my right index finger. One razor sharp tooth went near/into the joint. Within ten minutes of being bitten, I had a loading dose of cefalexin in me, the wound scrubbed out and soaked in Betadine, and still my finger swelled to the size of a keilbasa and hurt bad enough that I would wake up at night with the throb. I've had a cat bite through my thumbnail and one that nailed the side of my thumb and made two wounds that met, one from the top, one from the bottom. A little do-it-yourself surgery and another self-dosing of antibiotics and all I have to show for it is a pink scar on the edge of my thumb. All of which I wished mightily for something stronger than ibuprofen, but since I was self-medicating, Advil was all I had. In my line of work it's only a matter of time before it appens again. I'm a bite magnet. It's just my lot in life.

At least I'm better off than Daniel. He had to get treated for potential rabies exposure. ;-)

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[> [> [> [> [> [> Well, not a testimonial about cat inflicted injuries...but>>> -- Esther, 12:33:43 06/28/09 Sun

Here's my take. I like a man, and I'm nasty enough to want/expect such a man of the hunk persuation to be able to handle a little pain. Especially in a book. Real life, okay, I get that cat scratches hurt, and I'm not saying that it isn't something that would have the cause and effect that you've shown. Been there, to an extent below that depicted here, but the other experiences I bring to mind when I read have a hard time saying okay, it's bad.

Now of course, this is based on my being the observer, not the actual participant, but that is what I'm doing when I read. Observing. So...

I've witnessed my DH tear his index finger on a piece of metal so that the bone was showing, dip it in paint thinners to stop the bleeding, tape it up in black electicians tape and go back to work. Okay not the smartest thing, but he got the job done, and there was no scar.

Once he suffered burns serious enough to leave scars on his hands, and he took maybe four tylenol. And that was after they took him into physio, did the boil bath as I call it and got the brush out and scrubbed off the dead skin. He had a prescription, but couldn't get the top off and wouldn't ask and when I opened it he said he'd gone this long without it so he didn't need it.

Work related accident, had his hand stuffed into a window and severed the tendon across the top. He sat in emercency for hours, finally was told yup you need surgery. Waited some more, had another emergency come in the hospital and was sent home to wait for the phone call. Only took four days. His hand swelled up to the size of one of those plastic gloves they use when blown full of air. He didn't take one single tylenol.

And then the last one a couple summers ago, when I woke up at 5am to a sweaty sweet sickly smell (yay for alliterations!) and realized he was in pain, took him to emergency. They hooked him up to all those lovely machines, let him wait for a few hours and sent him home. Couple days later, same thing. Again at around 5am. Took him to the hospital. The last Harry Potter book had just come out, and the four of us all had a different book and were reading in our little cubby. Around 11 am the nurse comes in, tells us his blood work is done and once the dr comes he can go home. Apparently, he didn't look like he was in pain, so he wasn't a priority. Couple hours later, dr comes in, and says it'll only be a couple more minutes and he can go home. Then she looks at the chart, says whoa, that's not good and asks him what they gave him for pain and how long ago. He didn't ask for anything, so they didn't give him anything. He was admitted immediately and was scheduled for surgery. And took nothing when he got home for pain.

And my gosh he does sound accident prone, but that is what I've seen over the last 18 years. Before my time, he broke his back and still has that to deal with everyday, and he has a scar on his leg from his ankle to just below his knee where he broke it.

Sorry, but in my mind, Daniel got scratched up by a cat. One that just got hit by a car, so was hurt and probly freaking, (although, when I read that the cat was hit, I imagined s/he was hurt bad, as in not moving, barely alive, which could seriously effect my perception) but still, I don't get it. So your job is to get me to believe that his injuries are that serious. And it prolly wouldn't hurt to have the side effect of whatever they gave him discussed cause I know nothing and if I read that something will make him sleepy and totally out of it, I'm all for it, and then hopefully I'll get it. Don't tell me they hurt, you have to show me, and yup, I realize it's in a previous scene I haven't read yet, so that's hypothetically impossible and you've prolly addressed these things already. *G* Now, being a totally blank slate for what actually happens and what they need to do for cat shredded hands and potential bites, I have no clue. Remember I know nothing, just giving my impression.

And maybe, just maybe, this is a really big hint that I need to read that scene! ;-)

Hugs

Esther

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Damn, your DH is hard-core. -- Debi, 21:59:34 06/28/09 Sun

I'm stoic as hell with pain, but your DH has sustained injuries that would probably freak me out, just from seeing my bone exposed. Damn...

>Sorry, but in my mind, Daniel got scratched up by a
>cat.

Don't forget bitten, many times. Imagine someone grabbing your hand over and over with an old fashioned staple remover that had been sharpened to fine points. And having those points hit the bones and the joint spaces, scissoring out bits of flesh. Claws are not unlike razors, just duller, so they drag and shred as well as cut.

And badly hurt cats, even ones that are dying from their injuries can and will fight to the last breath, especially a feral cat. Granted, this info was in the previous scene. Plus this cat had a kitten to defend. Also info from previous scenes. ;-)


And it prolly wouldn't hurt to have the side
>effect of whatever they gave him discussed cause I
>know nothing and if I read that something will make
>him sleepy and totally out of it, I'm all for it, and
>then hopefully I'll get it.

Good point. I looked them up when I was writing, but I'll add a couple of lines of dialogue in the ER scene.

Don't tell me they hurt,
>you have to show me, and yup, I realize it's in a
>previous scene I haven't read yet, so that's
>hypothetically impossible and you've prolly addressed
>these things already. *G* Now, being a totally blank
>slate for what actually happens and what they need to
>do for cat shredded hands and potential bites, I have
>no clue. Remember I know nothing, just giving my
>impression.

No problem. I've done some tweaking on the previous scenes. I'll post it/them soon. Hopefully it'll all make better sense.
>
>And maybe, just maybe, this is a really big hint that
>I need to read that scene! ;-)

Message received. Look for them on a lit forum near you!
>
>Hugs
>
>Esther

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> If the message was received, why isn't it here yet???? I'm waiting! *G* -- Esther, 14:45:42 06/30/09 Tue


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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> *snerk* -- Debi, 14:53:30 06/30/09 Tue

I'm working, woman!!;-) I'll have a three day weekend, I'll get to it then.

Be patient...

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