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Date Posted: 06:42:45 07/02/09 Thu
Author: Debi
Subject: Great scene Page
In reply to: Page 's message, "Wednesday, I think, will be my check-in day >>>>" on 21:18:25 07/01/09 Wed

>Katie ignored her uncomfortable state temporarily in
>order to take in the view when Adam dropped the quilt.
> Her eyebrows rose in feminine appreciation at the
>sight of the smooth round globes of his ass before
>they were covered with denim.

Ahh... what a lovely image...

>The tiny shower down the hall left Katie clean, but
>unimpressed with British plumbing. It had taken almost
>fifteen minutes to rinse all the shampoo and
>conditioner from her hair as the shower head spit and
>hissed thin sprays of water at her, like an angry
>serpent that thought her unworthy of its venom. She
>was even less impressed with British toilet paper.

I concur. I once spent a good ten minutes waiting for the water to get even slightly warm, trying to figure out the on-demand heating system at a hotel in Scotland. I gave up and had a freshen-up instead with a wash cloth (yeah that was cold too, but at least I wasn't *immersed* in freezing water)Granted, the hotel was in Portree, on Skye, and was in the neighborhood of 400 hundred years old.

>Feeling refreshed in spite of the inconveniences of
>the hallway bathroom, she returned to Adam’s flat, and
>her long-neglected stomach set up a clamor at the
>tempting scent of eggs frying in butter, letting her
>know in no uncertain terms it did not appreciate the
>neglect she’d inflicted on it of late.

One nit to pick; a form of 'neglect' was used twice in the preceding passage. I'm guilty of this transgression more times than I can count, I'm amazed I picked it up.

Combine instant coffee with their toilet
>paper, and Katie was no longer curious as to why the
>British Empire had fallen.

I *love* this. No wonder, indeed.
I love the whole thing, as a matter of fact. Katie is funny and human. Any one of us would have the same thoughts rambling through our heads, but you gave her's a voice we can hear. Excellent.
Debi

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[> [> [> Thank you, Debi! >>> --

Page, 21:29:06 07/03/09 Fri

>>Katie ignored her uncomfortable state temporarily in
>>order to take in the view when Adam dropped the quilt.
>> Her eyebrows rose in feminine appreciation at the
>>sight of the smooth round globes of his ass before
>>they were covered with denim.
>
>Ahh... what a lovely image...

Yeah, Adam is a lovely guy, and I was concerned when all my beta readers told me they didn't like him. I think I was in such a hurry for Katie to get with Jay, that I allowed Adam to become a huge nuisance, instead of a sensitive man who fell in love with a girl, and lost her to his best friend. During this re-write of the beginning, I'm determined to make sure Adam is brought to life, and not just a plot device.

>>Feeling refreshed in spite of the inconveniences of
>>the hallway bathroom, she returned to Adam’s flat, and
>>her long-neglected stomach set up a clamor at the
>>tempting scent of eggs frying in butter, letting her
>>know in no uncertain terms it did not appreciate the
>>neglect she’d inflicted on it of late.
>
>One nit to pick; a form of 'neglect' was used twice in
>the preceding passage. I'm guilty of this
>transgression more times than I can count, I'm amazed
>I picked it up.

I'm glad you did! I read over this quite a few times, and didn't see it til you pointed it out! Thank you!
>
>Combine instant coffee with their toilet
>>paper, and Katie was no longer curious as to why the
>>British Empire had fallen.
>
>I *love* this. No wonder, indeed.
>I love the whole thing, as a matter of fact. Katie is
>funny and human. Any one of us would have the same
>thoughts rambling through our heads, but you gave
>her's a voice we can hear. Excellent.
>Debi

Thank you!!!

Last edited by author: Fri July 03, 2009 21:29:57 Edited 1 time.

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>>Katie ignored her uncomfortable state temporarily in >>order to take in the view when Adam dropped the quilt. >> Her eyebrows rose in feminine appreciation at the >>sight of the smooth round globes of his ass before >>they were covered with denim. > >Ahh... what a lovely image... > >>The tiny shower down the hall left Katie clean, but >>unimpressed with British plumbing. It had taken almost >>fifteen minutes to rinse all the shampoo and >>conditioner from her hair as the shower head spit and >>hissed thin sprays of water at her, like an angry >>serpent that thought her unworthy of its venom. She >>was even less impressed with British toilet paper. > >I concur. I once spent a good ten minutes waiting for >the water to get even slightly warm, trying to figure >out the on-demand heating system at a hotel in >Scotland. I gave up and had a freshen-up instead with >a wash cloth (yeah that was cold too, but at least I >wasn't *immersed* in freezing water)Granted, the hotel >was in Portree, on Skye, and was in the neighborhood >of 400 hundred years old. > >>Feeling refreshed in spite of the inconveniences of >>the hallway bathroom, she returned to Adam’s flat, and >>her long-neglected stomach set up a clamor at the >>tempting scent of eggs frying in butter, letting her >>know in no uncertain terms it did not appreciate the >>neglect she’d inflicted on it of late. > >One nit to pick; a form of 'neglect' was used twice in >the preceding passage. I'm guilty of this >transgression more times than I can count, I'm amazed >I picked it up. > >Combine instant coffee with their toilet >>paper, and Katie was no longer curious as to why the >>British Empire had fallen. > >I *love* this. No wonder, indeed. >I love the whole thing, as a matter of fact. Katie is >funny and human. Any one of us would have the same >thoughts rambling through our heads, but you gave >her's a voice we can hear. Excellent. >Debi
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