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Date Posted: 21:29:06 07/03/09 Fri
Author: Page
Subject: Thank you, Debi! >>>
In reply to: Debi 's message, "Great scene Page" on 06:42:45 07/02/09 Thu

>>Katie ignored her uncomfortable state temporarily in
>>order to take in the view when Adam dropped the quilt.
>> Her eyebrows rose in feminine appreciation at the
>>sight of the smooth round globes of his ass before
>>they were covered with denim.
>
>Ahh... what a lovely image...

Yeah, Adam is a lovely guy, and I was concerned when all my beta readers told me they didn't like him. I think I was in such a hurry for Katie to get with Jay, that I allowed Adam to become a huge nuisance, instead of a sensitive man who fell in love with a girl, and lost her to his best friend. During this re-write of the beginning, I'm determined to make sure Adam is brought to life, and not just a plot device.


>>Feeling refreshed in spite of the inconveniences of
>>the hallway bathroom, she returned to Adam’s flat, and
>>her long-neglected stomach set up a clamor at the
>>tempting scent of eggs frying in butter, letting her
>>know in no uncertain terms it did not appreciate the
>>neglect she’d inflicted on it of late.
>
>One nit to pick; a form of 'neglect' was used twice in
>the preceding passage. I'm guilty of this
>transgression more times than I can count, I'm amazed
>I picked it up.

I'm glad you did! I read over this quite a few times, and didn't see it til you pointed it out! Thank you!
>
>Combine instant coffee with their toilet
>>paper, and Katie was no longer curious as to why the
>>British Empire had fallen.
>
>I *love* this. No wonder, indeed.
>I love the whole thing, as a matter of fact. Katie is
>funny and human. Any one of us would have the same
>thoughts rambling through our heads, but you gave
>her's a voice we can hear. Excellent.
>Debi

Thank you!!!

Last edited by author: Fri July 03, 2009 21:29:57   Edited 1 time.

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