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>>>Katie ignored her uncomfortable state temporarily in >>>order to take in the view when Adam dropped the >quilt. >>> Her eyebrows rose in feminine appreciation at the >>>sight of the smooth round globes of his ass before >>>they were covered with denim. >> >>Ahh... what a lovely image... > ><b>Yeah, Adam is a lovely guy, and I was concerned >when all my beta readers told me they didn't like him. > I think I was in such a hurry for Katie to get with >Jay, that I allowed Adam to become a huge nuisance, >instead of a sensitive man who fell in love with a >girl, and lost her to his best friend. During this >re-write of the beginning, I'm determined to make sure >Adam is brought to life, and not just a plot >device.</b> > > >>>Feeling refreshed in spite of the inconveniences of >>>the hallway bathroom, she returned to Adam’s flat, >and >>>her long-neglected stomach set up a clamor at the >>>tempting scent of eggs frying in butter, letting her >>>know in no uncertain terms it did not appreciate the >>>neglect she’d inflicted on it of late. >> >>One nit to pick; a form of 'neglect' was used twice in >>the preceding passage. I'm guilty of this >>transgression more times than I can count, I'm amazed >>I picked it up. > ><b>I'm glad you did! I read over this quite a few >times, and didn't see it til you pointed it out! >Thank you!</b> >> >>Combine instant coffee with their toilet >>>paper, and Katie was no longer curious as to why the >>>British Empire had fallen. >> >>I *love* this. No wonder, indeed. >>I love the whole thing, as a matter of fact. Katie is >>funny and human. Any one of us would have the same >>thoughts rambling through our heads, but you gave >>her's a voice we can hear. Excellent. >>Debi > ><b>Thank you!!!</b>
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