>Excerpt from Downtown Babylon, copyright
>2009-2010 by Debi Matlack, all rights reserved. Posted
>for sharing and critique purposes only, does not
>constitute publication.
>
>Sunday morning newspaper spread out in front of her,
>Molly sprawled across a barstool, a cup of coffee in
>her hand. Oh, I'm going to be picky off the bat. *G* But I just can't wrap my head around sprawling across a barstool. Slumped on, straddled, perched on - those are the images I associate with a stool. To me, sprawled is more in the line of a bed. Hm. Gil and a bed. Has possibilities...*G* JMHO. Gil had vanished early that morning on some
>mysterious errand. Molly couldn’t fathom what drove
>him out of bed so early on Easter morning, especially
>after the busy night they’d had. It meant that she and
>Declan were on their own for now, though Gil had
>promised to return and take her out for breakfast.
>But the day was wearing on and her belly wasn’t going
>to remain patient for much longer. With a sigh, she
>got off the barstool and padded back to her office for
>a pair of scissors to clip the coupons from the
>advertising section of the paper.
>
>Halfway back to her perch at the bar, the buzzer for
>the back door sounded, startling her. Who the
>hell…? They I'd suggest using the name of the bar here (I'm sorry I can't recall it) instead of an ambiguous "they." weren’t open on Sundays, let alone
>taking deliveries. Turning back to the door, she
>whistled for the dog, then ducked into the office once
>more for the baseball bat. She had no desire to repeat
>the ordeal she been through. After the break-in, she’d
>remained cautious about being alone in the bar and
>answering the back door. At least now there was an
>actual electronic security system, not just her bat
>and Declan’s teeth.
>
>Peering through the glass panes of the back door, she
>saw a mysterious figure. It wore a canary colored
>coverall and matching motorcycle helmet. What
>the..? As the figure reached for the buzzer again,
>she saw the wings painted on the side of the helmet,
>like a psychedelic Thor. It leaned in to peek through
>the glass, pushing up the visor on the full face
>helmet and Molly recognized the blue-grey eyes.
>Dropping the bat down don't need "down" to parade rest, she used her
>other hand to unlock the door Okay, you know I've just gone through revision hell, so I'm hyper-aware of unnecessary words. *G* Instead of all those words, how about "she unlocked the door." but didn’t move aside.
>Gil just stood there and let her indulge in further
>scrutiny.
>
>Biting her lips to contain her smile, she shook her
>head. “You look like a demented, butch Tweety Bird.” Bwahahaha!
>A snort escaped him. “Well, at least I’m butch.”
>
>“Wouldn’t a bunny costume be more appropriate to the
>day?”
>
>“Maybe, but it’s a little hard to see to drive the
>bike when your head keeps coming off. The wind just
>grabs those ears and turns the whole thing sideways.”
>
>Declan pushed past her, head up and eyes alert. He
>recognized the voice but was having trouble
>reconciling the figure before him with the man he
>knew. Gil reached his hand out and Declan let out a
>huge “WOOF!”, making Gil snatch him hand back in
>alarm.
>
>Molly chuckled. “It’s okay, Goofus, it’s just Daddy
>being silly.” Declan remained stiff until Gil tugged
>the helmet of,off then the big dog relaxed, wagging his
>shaggy tail and going back inside to flop in a patch
>of sunlight.
>
>“So, will this get me off the hook?”
>
>Molly returned her attention to the yellow apparition.
>“For what?”
>
>“For wha—You mean you’ve already forgotten?”
>
>Nonplused,Nonplussed Molly shrugged. “Apparently.”
>
>Gil shook his head with an exasperated snort. “I’m
>never betting you anything ever again.”
>
>Now Don't need "now." It also changes the tense. she remembered and a slow smile spread over her
>face. “Oh yeah.., I’d forgotten about that.”
>
>Gil nodded. “Who knew you could still dance en
>pointe and carry a tray full of beer?”
>
>“In sneakers, too, don’t forget.”
>
>“How could I?”
>
>“But you implied you’d paint yourself yellow.”
>
>“It was the best I could come up with and not get
>arrested.”
>
>Struck again by his ridiculous appearance, she
>giggled. “Did anyone see you?”
>
>“Not many, except Jeff at the shop. It was kinda
>early.”
>
>She took in the bright suit and raised her brows in
>speculation, taking a step closer and running her
>hands over his chest. “Is it leather?”
>
>“Yep.”
>
>“I had intended for you to show off in front of a
>crowded bar.” She found the pull for the zipper and
>tugged it down to his waist, slipping her hand inside.
>“But I don’t think I want to share now.” His chest was
>warm and moist with perspiration, but he sighed as her
>fingers trailed over his skin, then glanced down the
>alley.
>
>“I’m as much a fan of adventure as the next guy, but
>do you think we could go inside?”
>
>Her smile was wicked as she slipped her hand past his
>waist under the leather and took a firm grasp of the
>growing situation.
>
>“C’mon Tweety.”
I so want to read more of this story! I'm already crazy about the main characters and intrigued by the not-so-main characters. You've another winner on your hands, my girl!
>>Excerpt from Downtown Babylon, copyright
>>2009-2010 by Debi Matlack, all rights reserved. Posted
>>for sharing and critique purposes only, does not
>>constitute publication.
>>
>
>>Sunday morning newspaper spread out in front of her,
>>Molly sprawled across a barstool, a cup of coffee in
>>her hand. Oh, I'm going to be picky off the bat.
>*G* But I just can't wrap my head around sprawling
>across a barstool. Slumped on, straddled, perched on
>- those are the images I associate with a stool. To
>me, sprawled is more in the line of a bed. Hm. Gil
>and a bed. Has possibilities...*G* JMHO.LOL, Point taken. I could just see her, paper spread all over the bar, Molly barely conscious and draped over the stool and the paper. Maybe 'draped' is better...;-) Gil had
>vanished early that morning on some
>>mysterious errand. Molly couldn’t fathom what drove
>>him out of bed so early on Easter morning, especially
>>after the busy night they’d had. It meant that she and
>>Declan were on their own for now, though Gil had
>>promised to return and take her out for breakfast.
>>But the day was wearing on and her belly wasn’t going
>>to remain patient for much longer. With a sigh, she
>>got off the barstool and padded back to her office for
>>a pair of scissors to clip the coupons from the
>>advertising section of the paper.
>>
>>Halfway back to her perch at the bar, the buzzer for
>>the back door sounded, startling her. Who the
>>hell…? They I'd suggest using the name of the
>bar here (I'm sorry I can't recall it) instead of an
>ambiguous "they."So far, it's the Garage Bar, because I couldn't come up with anything any better, but I'll identify it better. Thanks! weren’t open on Sundays, let
>alone
>>taking deliveries. Turning back to the door, she
>>whistled for the dog, then ducked into the office once
>>more for the baseball bat. She had no desire to repeat
>>the ordeal she been through. After the break-in, she’d
>>remained cautious about being alone in the bar and
>>answering the back door. At least now there was an
>>actual electronic security system, not just her bat
>>and Declan’s teeth.
>>
>>Peering through the glass panes of the back door, she
>>saw a mysterious figure. It wore a canary colored
>>coverall and matching motorcycle helmet. What
>>the..? As the figure reached for the buzzer again,
>>she saw the wings painted on the side of the helmet,
>>like a psychedelic Thor. It leaned in to peek through
>>the glass, pushing up the visor on the full face
>>helmet and Molly recognized the blue-grey eyes.
>>Dropping the bat down don't need "down" to
>parade rest, she used her
>>other hand to unlock the door Okay, you know I've
>just gone through revision hell, so I'm hyper-aware of
>unnecessary words. *G* Instead of all those words,
>how about "she unlocked the door."Sounds good;-)but didn’t move
>aside.
>>Gil just stood there and let her indulge in further
>>scrutiny.
>>
>>Biting her lips to contain her smile, she shook her
>>head. “You look like a demented, butch Tweety Bird.”
>Bwahahaha!
>
>>A snort escaped him. “Well, at least I’m butch.”
>>
>>“Wouldn’t a bunny costume be more appropriate to the
>>day?”
>>
>>“Maybe, but it’s a little hard to see to drive the
>>bike when your head keeps coming off. The wind just
>>grabs those ears and turns the whole thing sideways.”
>>
>>Declan pushed past her, head up and eyes alert. He
>>recognized the voice but was having trouble
>>reconciling the figure before him with the man he
>>knew. Gil reached his hand out and Declan let out a
>>huge “WOOF!”, making Gil snatch his hand back in
>>alarm.
>>
>>Molly chuckled. “It’s okay, Goofus, it’s just Daddy
>>being silly.” Declan remained stiff until Gil tugged
>>the helmet of,off then the big dog relaxed,
>wagging his
>>shaggy tail and going back inside to flop in a patch
>>of sunlight.
>>
>>“So, will this get me off the hook?”
>>
>>Molly returned her attention to the yellow apparition.
>>“For what?”
>>
>>“For wha—You mean you’ve already forgotten?”
>>
>>Nonplused,Nonplussed Molly shrugged.
>“Apparently.”
>>
>>Gil shook his head with an exasperated snort. “I’m
>>never betting you anything ever again.”
>>
>>Now Don't need "now." It also changes the
>tense. she remembered and a slow smile spread over
>her
>>face. “Oh yeah.., I’d forgotten about that.”
>>
>>Gil nodded. “Who knew you could still dance en
>>pointe and carry a tray full of beer?”
>>
>>“In sneakers, too, don’t forget.”
>>
>>“How could I?”
>>
>>“But you implied you’d paint yourself yellow.”
>>
>>“It was the best I could come up with and not get
>>arrested.”
>>
>>Struck again by his ridiculous appearance, she
>>giggled. “Did anyone see you?”
>>
>>“Not many, except Jeff at the shop. It was kinda
>>early.”
>>
>>She took in the bright suit and raised her brows in
>>speculation, taking a step closer and running her
>>hands over his chest. “Is it leather?”
>>
>>“Yep.”
>>
>>“I had intended for you to show off in front of a
>>crowded bar.” She found the pull for the zipper and
>>tugged it down to his waist, slipping her hand inside.
>>“But I don’t think I want to share now.” His chest was
>>warm and moist with perspiration, but he sighed as her
>>fingers trailed over his skin, then glanced down the
>>alley.
>>
>>“I’m as much a fan of adventure as the next guy, but
>>do you think we could go inside?”
>>
>>Her smile was wicked as she slipped her hand past his
>>waist under the leather and took a firm grasp of the
>>growing situation.
>>
>>“C’mon Tweety.”
>
>I so want to read more of this story! I'm
>already crazy about the main characters and intrigued
>by the not-so-main characters. You've another winner
>on your hands, my girl!
>
>Hugs,
>Page
Thank you Page! I love these characters and I'm glad they're still tslking to me. I have a lot of work to do on Downtown Babylon. I have very little more than the original 50,000 words from NaNoWriMo. I can't wait to see what else they have to tell me.
Page