>Honestly, I find the very first line a little awkward
>to read, but I can't really recommend how to fix it....
I'll look into it and see if I can do something to it.
>
>Other than that, not having read the preceding
>part(s), I was a tad confused at first as to whom
>everyone was, but that's obviously not the fault of
>the writer!
The scene just before this one is under the Homework Ho! thread just below. For those of you just joining us, most of what I'm posting is from my contemporary romance (I still can't believe I've written a 'romance'...) called Old Dogs. Valerie is divorced, comes home to her family, meets the nice neighbor that's an airline captain and a widower (and British, modeled on Clive Owen:-D) and, after many trials and tribulation, they end up together. These exceprts are from the follow-up to OD, called New Tricks (*nudge* get it?!;-) Valerie's older brother Vic is a physician and rather overprotective of his family, especially Valerie. It annoys her no end. Alan is her brother-in-law and one of her best friends. Nessa (for Vanessa) is her younger sister, Alan's wife and Kelly's mother. Anything else confusing, just let me know.
>
>You've already got me drawn in! You have done a great
>job capturing how people really talk to one another.
>Very believable scene.
Thank you so much! I try really hard to make sure my characters are real people. And these are conversations that you could probably hear at my work especially. Way too many hyperintelligent people in the university system, but all with their own blind spots too. I try to make that happen in my make-believe world too.
debikm