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[> [> [> [> Re: GAAHHH!!! indeed! -- Page, 09:34:17 02/26/10 Fri

Thank you, Debi! I had a hard time writing it this way since Katie wanted so much to just grab him and not let him go again. I had to give her a stern lecture, telling her she's not a complete doormat and needed to think this thing through.

And poor Jay, he's such a male of the species. It's like Maureen says when Katie complains about what she saw as Jay's "high-handed manner," coming in and expecting things to just magically be alright:

“He’s a man, Katie. What did you expect? Did you think Nicky was any different when he and I started talking about getting back together? It must be the testosterone. If they say, ‘I’m sorry, I love you,’ and really mean it, then they truly expect things to be mended. It’s just the way the bloody fools think.”

Of course, then Katie tells her she sent Jay away and Maureen's voice goes into a register only dogs can hear while she yells at Katie long-distance from Rome.

I love that line from Browning to Barrett, too. Can you imagine getting a letter from the man you love with something like that written inside? *sigh* I do love me a thoroughly romantic man.

Glad this one works for you, Debi! (Btw, I loved your reaction, "Sorry, mate, it isn't simple at all!" Just the reaction I'd hoped women would have!)

Hugs,
Page

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[> [> Gaah!!!! Inside please.:) >>>>>> -- Fel, 09:01:14 02/24/10 Wed

>This is HW Option #2, and it's also a reworking of
>part of the too-pat ending of Carey On.
>Although I know it's a homework exercise, feel free to
>crit it, and crit it hard. The minute this bit is
>completed, it's off on submission, so I'd really value
>your input.
>
>Excerpt from Carey On
>©2010 by Juli Page Morgan
>Posted for purposes of critique only and does not
>constitute publication
>
>Steel fingers seemed to be digging themselves into
>Katie's throat. She tried to swallow past them, to
>regain her voice to berate him more for the searing
>hurt she'd felt when she'd realized he'd left her. But
>she couldn't. His words had conjured up too many old
>feelings, things she hadn't let herself feel for a
>long time. She could hear the ticking of the clock on
>the wall, but she felt again that time had stopped,
>that the rotation of the earth had changed. She
>attempted to fight against it, but just as before, it
>would not be ignored.
Very cool imagery here. Time has really stopped for these two.
>
>“We didn't throw it away then, Katie. Remember? We
>wanted each other, and we did what we had to do to be
>together, things we never thought we'd do. We ignored
>everything and everyone who got in our way. But even
>though it hurt people close to us, I’d do it again.”
>
>Startled, Katie looked at him, her eyes wide. Jay
>nodded. “You were more important. We were more
>important. Nothing else mattered more to me than being
>with you.” He raised his head and pinned her with his
>gaze. “And nothing else matters more to me now.”
>
>She didn't want to see the complete conviction in his
>eyes, but she couldn't look away.
>
>“I'm only half alive without you, Katie. Even when
>things turned to total shite in our lives, it was
>still a million times better than anything I have now.”

Awww. Jay will try anything to get his Katie back, won't he??
>
>A phrase she had once read in a letter written by
>Robert Browning to his beloved Elizabeth popped into
>Katie's head. She whispered aloud, “I would not
>exchange the sadness of being away from you for any
>imaginable delight in which you had no part.”

She wouldn't!!!! Would she?? Say it ain't so!! Please??
>
>Jay took a quick, indrawn breath. “Do you mean that?”
>
>“Yes. No.” Too agitated to sit still, she jumped up,
>and went to the patio doors, and stared with unseeing
>eyes at the ocean. “I don’t know.”
>
>Behind her, Jay heaved a distinctly irritated sounding
>sigh. “That helps a lot.”
>
>Katie’s own irritation rose at his words. “Well, what
>the hell did you expect?” She turned to face him.
>“You show up out of thin air after all this time, and
>start laying all this on me about how much you love me
>and want me back, and start pressing me to make a
>decision on the spot.”
>
>“I should think it’s a simple one, Katie.” Jay got up
>and came to stand beside her. “Either you love me or
>you don’t.”
>
>“I’ve already told you I love you.” Katie narrowed
>her eyes at him. “I just don’t know if I can believe
>you.”
>
>Jay gave every appearance of a man who’d just been hit
>over the head with a brick. “I should think that’s
>simple, too. Either you believe me, or you don’t. I
>don’t know what else I can do.” He pushed his hair
>back with both hands, throwing the gray at his temples
>into sharp relief. “I’ve told you how sorry I am, but
>if you don’t believe that, then I’m at a complete loss
>at what more to say.”
>
>Believe him? Yes, she believed him, she realized that
>now. But trust him? That was another matter. Behind
>closed eyes, Katie saw again the yawning emptiness of
>that closet. With that vision came the memory of how
>it felt when her heart broke. The year of being
>without him flashed through her mind – the hurt, the
>tearing loneliness, and the sense of abandonment she’d
>felt. She took a deep breath, and opened her eyes.
>“There’s nothing more you can say.”
>
>Jay grew still. “What do you mean?”
>
>Katie shook her head. “I can’t do it, Jay. I just
>don’t trust you not to run away if things get tough,
>and I can’t live through that again.” She had to look
>away from the absolute devastation she saw in his
>eyes. “I can’t.”

Yes you can Katie. You love him. You want to be with him. Page, I'm in agony here!!
>
>The sound of his shuddering breath seemed to fill the
>room, and she heard it clearly when he swallowed.
>“Katie, I…” The strain in his voice made it almost
>unrecognizable. “Do you want me to get down on my
>knees and beg? Because if that’s what it takes, I…”
>
>“No!” She whirled to face him. “Don’t you dare.
>That would be the final insult to what we had.”
>
>“What we have, Katie!”
>
>Looking into the depths of his tortured, hazel eyes,
>she slowly shook her head.
>
>“No,” he whispered. “I refuse to accept that.” He
>raked his hair back again, and turned away from her.
>
>The dejected slump of his shoulders made her ache to
>take him in her arms and comfort him, but she knew to
>do so would be unspeakably cruel. To both of them.
>Blinded by a rush of tears, she walked to the
>telephone, and pulled the directory from the drawer
>underneath. She had to act quickly before her resolve
>broke. Forcing the words past the lump in her throat,
>she spoke over her shoulder. “I’ll call a cab for
>you.”

Don't do it Katie!! Don't send him back out of your life. He completes you!
>
>“Oh, Christ.” Jay’s voice broke on the last word, and
>Katie saw that his hands were clenched so hard the
>knuckles turned white. Startling her, he strode to
>the patio door and slid it open with a yank. The rain
>had stopped, and Jay continued out onto the deck where
>he gripped the wooden railing with the same leashed
>ferocity with which he’d clenched his fists.
>
>The twenty minutes it took for the cab to arrive were
>the longest Katie could remember in some time. She
>didn’t dare join Jay on the deck, but she couldn’t
>keep her eyes from him. It frightened her the way he
>didn’t move, but remained staring out at the water,
>the damp ocean-borne breeze whipping his hair.
>
>The arrival of the taxi was announced with a brief
>beep of its horn, and Katie made her feet move to the
>sliding glass door. “Jay? Your cab’s here.”
>
>At first she didn’t think he’d heard her and was about
>to repeat herself when he suddenly turned and pushed
>past her into the house. Without a word he bent and
>picked up his bag from where it still lay in the
>middle of the floor, and walked quickly to the front
>door.
>
>Katie trailed after him, thinking she should say
>something, but having no idea what it might be. She
>stood on the tiny porch and watched him stride down
>the curving walk toward the driveway and the waiting
>cab. Before he reached it, he stopped and turned to
>face her.
>
>“You know what?” His voice was soft, but she heard
>every word as clear as if he were standing beside her.
> “I just thought you’d broken my heart before.”

Gah!!! Poor, Jay!! Katie how could you?
>
>The full impact of his words struck her like a slap,
>and she gasped. Jay’s eyes sparkled with unshed
>tears, and the look in them was so pleading she felt
>the few remaining pieces of her own heart shatter.
>Summoning up every waning bit of her willpower, she
>took one step back, then another, then another, until
>she was standing in the doorway of the house.
>
>Jay’s eyes closed, and a tear trickled down his cheek.
> He flicked it away with his forefinger, then turned,
>and climbed into the backseat of the cab.
>
>There was no way she could watch it drive away, not
>and continue to live. She backed into the house and
>closed the door. Sliding down the wall to the floor,
>she gripped her hair in her hands and went silently
>and thoroughly to pieces.


You should see me over here, Page. I'm an emotional wreck! They get back together don't they??? Please tell me they do.

Any ways. I think this is a very, very powerful passage. You can feel the pain that they both are in. Very nice.
I hope this helps some.

Fel

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[> [> [> Fel - Inside please >>>>>> -- Page, 18:13:16 02/24/10 Wed

The reaction of "Gahh!" is exactly what I was aiming for here. ;) If it makes you want to sling the computer against the wall, then my work here is done. *G*

Do they get back together? Hmmm...

Oh, if a girl can't tell her crit group, who can she tell? Yes, they do get back together. Dea had very astutely pointed out the the make-up sex I'd written before was rather lacking, but I can assure you that it isn't lacking now. After all, this is Jay and Katie here, a very, very physical couple, so you can expect fireworks, waves washing up on a beach, cyclones, hurricanes and all sorts of tingly things.

Thank you for your reactions and comments Fel! From them I know I've got the feel of the piece right!

Hugs,
Page

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[> [> About time! Geez! where you been hiding??? >>> -- Esther, 15:45:59 02/25/10 Thu

Missed you around here and I'm glad you're back!

>This is HW Option #2, and it's also a reworking of
>part of the too-pat ending of Carey On.
>Although I know it's a homework exercise, feel free to
>crit it, and crit it hard. The minute this bit is
>completed, it's off on submission, so I'd really value
>your input.

Woo hoo! Does that mean I’ll get to read it in its entirety soon??? Cause you know, I’ve been with this story since before Jay had a name! I wanna read it already! Just making myself clear. *G* I hope….

Okay, seriously, the feel free to crit it, and crit it hard, is screaming at me to do a line x line. So hear goes! Use what you can and toss the rest.
>
>Excerpt from Carey On
>©2010 by Juli Page Morgan
>Posted for purposes of critique only and does not
>constitute publication
>
>Steel fingers seemed to be digging themselves into
>Katie's throat. She tried to swallow past them, to
>regain her voice to berate him more for the searing
>hurt she'd felt when she'd realized he'd left her. But
>she couldn't. His words had conjured up too many old
>feelings, things she hadn't let herself feel for a
>long time. She could hear the ticking of the clock on
>the wall, but she felt again that time had stopped,
>that the rotation of the earth had changed. She
>attempted to fight against it, but just as before, it
>would not be ignored.

Very vivid! Although, and I’m sure if you hadn’t dumped me right into the midde, I’d have known these weren’t actually real fingers. Thought for a sec Katie was in the process of being choked. But I gots it now. But a nice way to show how staggered she was with Jay’s words.
>
>“We didn't throw it away then, Katie. Remember? We
>wanted each other, and we did what we had to do to be
>together, things we never thought we'd do. We ignored
>everything and everyone who got in our way. But even
>though it hurt people close to us, I’d do it again.”
>
>Startled, Katie looked at him, her eyes wide. Jay
>nodded. “You were more important. We were more
>important. Nothing else mattered more to me than being
>with you.” He raised his head and pinned her with his
>gaze. “And nothing else matters more to me now.”

K, you have two different people in the same paragraph. So what that means is because you started off with Katie, I’m thinking it’s her speaking. So when he raises his head and it’s him speaking the ‘And nothing else matters more to me now’ I had to go back and question who was speaking the first bit. And you know, I think it could have been either, so I suggest, you clarify if it was Katie by making her deserving of her own paragraph. If it was Jay, suggest the same. *G* Katie’s actions should have their own paragraph.
>
>She didn't want to see the complete conviction in his
>eyes, but she couldn't look away.

Well of course not! It’s JAY for pete’s sake! ; -)
>
>“I'm only half alive without you, Katie. Even when
>things turned to total shite in our lives, it was
>still a million times better than anything I have now.”
>
Awwwww

>A phrase she had once read in a letter written by
>Robert Browning to his beloved Elizabeth popped into
>Katie's head. She whispered aloud, “I would not
>exchange the sadness of being away from you for any
>imaginable delight in which you had no part.”

Am I suppost to know who Robert Browning and Elizabeth are? Just suggesting that wondering what they have to do with anything takes away from the quote.

If she’s whispering, it is out loud, as it isn’t in her head.
>
>Jay took a quick, indrawn breath. “Do you mean that?”

And Jay doesn’t appear to recognize she’s quoting either.
>
>“Yes. No.” Too agitated to sit still, she jumped up,
>and went to the patio doors, and stared with unseeing
>eyes at the ocean. “I don’t know.”

Stared unseeing not stared with unseeing eyes. What else do people see with when they look?
>
>Behind her, Jay heaved a distinctly irritated sounding
>sigh. “That helps a lot.”

Oooh! Oooh! An ‘ly’ word.

And a sigh _is_ a sound so why is it just sounding like one? Suggest cutting what you can and finding a stronger verb

Behind her Jay heaved a (disgusted, sickened, revolted, vulgar, crude, offensive, etc) sigh.
>
>Katie’s own irritation rose at his words. “Well, what
>the hell did you expect?” She turned to face him.
>“You show up out of thin air after all this time, and
>start laying all this on me about how much you love me
>and want me back, and start pressing me to make a
>decision on the spot.”

And here’s partly why. You’ve got an irritated sigh, and now irritation.
>
>“I should think it’s a simple one, Katie.” Jay got up
>and came to stand beside her. “Either you love me or
>you don’t.”

Black or white. Pick one. Geez. Does he really think it’s that simple?
>
>“I’ve already told you I love you.” Katie narrowed
>her eyes at him. “I just don’t know if I can believe
>you.”

How about trust him. He did ditch her after all. And that was after he scared her to death with what he was doing…
>
>Jay gave every appearance of a man who’d just been hit
>over the head with a brick. “I should think that’s
>simple, too. Either you believe me, or you don’t. I
>don’t know what else I can do.” He pushed his hair
>back with both hands, throwing the gray at his temples
>into sharp relief. “I’ve told you how sorry I am, but
>if you don’t believe that, then I’m at a complete loss
>at what more to say.”

If he’s just been hit over the head with a brick, how come he can speak up so fast. And just to be picky, what does that look look like? Opened mouth shock? Something else that I can’t picture? Show me!
>
>Believe him? Yes, she believed him, she realized that
>now. But trust him? That was another matter. Behind
>closed eyes, Katie saw again the yawning emptiness of
>that closet. With that vision came the memory of how
>it felt when her heart broke. The year of being
>without him flashed through her mind – the hurt, the
>tearing loneliness, and the sense of abandonment she’d
>felt. She took a deep breath, and opened her eyes.
>“There’s nothing more you can say.”

She realized that now. When didn’t she realize she believed him? Moments ago? When he said it?

I like the last bit she says. There _is_ nothing more he _could_ say. He has to prove it. Win her trust back. Right? So far so good.
>
>Jay grew still. “What do you mean?”
>
>Katie shook her head. “I can’t do it, Jay. I just
>don’t trust you not to run away if things get tough,
>and I can’t live through that again.” She had to look
>away from the absolute devastation she saw in his
>eyes. “I can’t.”

Still good. I’m understanding her motivation, and I’m believing her emotions are real. Very realistic in fact!
>
>The sound of his shuddering breath seemed to fill the
>room, and she heard it clearly when he swallowed.
>“Katie, I…” The strain in his voice made it almost
>unrecognizable. “Do you want me to get down on my
>knees and beg? Because if that’s what it takes, I…”

almost recognizable? How so? How can something almost be there? It either is, or it isn’t. You know tone and such things as strain can be used to stress an emotion. The strain in his voice emphasized his sincerity. That way I’m not wondering how something that is there enough for me to notice, but not enough to actually be there. Almost doesn’t cut it. Almost is half measures and it clutters your word count. Try it. Read the sentence and see if taking out the almost changes the meaning.

Another ly word. Can be cut without affecting the flow
>
>“No!” She whirled to face him. “Don’t you dare.
>That would be the final insult to what we had.”

No doubt!
>
>“What we have, Katie!”

No doubt!

Geez, which one and am I routing for here anyway????? Arrrrrggggg!!!!
>
>Looking into the depths of his tortured, hazel eyes,
>she slowly shook her head.

slowly can be cut or find another verb
>
>“No,” he whispered. “I refuse to accept that.” He
>raked his hair back again, and turned away from her.

That’s my Jay! Don’t give up!
>
>The dejected slump of his shoulders made her ache to
>take him in her arms and comfort him, but she knew to
>do so would be unspeakably cruel. To both of them.
>Blinded by a rush of tears, she walked to the
>telephone, and pulled the directory from the drawer
>underneath. She had to act quickly before her resolve
>broke. Forcing the words past the lump in her throat,
>she spoke over her shoulder. “I’ll call a cab for
>you.”

Huh???? WTF???

And two more adverbs. Both are unnecessary
>
>“Oh, Christ.” Jay’s voice broke on the last word, and
>Katie saw that his hands were clenched so hard the
>knuckles turned white. Startling her, he strode to
>the patio door and slid it open with a yank. The rain
>had stopped, and Jay continued out onto the deck where
>he gripped the wooden railing with the same leashed
>ferocity with which he’d clenched his fists.

Okay, I thought he had already walked over to her. Let me go back…Yup…did he walk away at some point prior to this? Cause when Katie walked to the telephone, he was standing by the patio doors. Or did I miss something?

And what’s up with the rain stopping? Shouldn’t it be drizzling or something? Or are you using it to foreshadow that this isn’t all doom and gloom?
>
>The twenty minutes it took for the cab to arrive were
>the longest Katie could remember in some time. She
>didn’t dare join Jay on the deck, but she couldn’t
>keep her eyes from him. It frightened her the way he
>didn’t move, but remained staring out at the water,
>the damp ocean-borne breeze whipping his hair.

K, you’ve taken us away from the tension filled time while they waited. So what did she do with herself for those twenty minutes? Stand at the counter and ogle him? No thoughts we need to be privy to? No emotion as she stood there. No wiping her face clear of tears? No sniffling? No burning behind her eyes as she forces herself not to cry? Anything? Tension should be used while it still has power. This way it fades and the cab honking isn’t nearly as strong, as jarring and unwanted sound as it could be. Does that make sense?
>
>The arrival of the taxi was announced with a brief
>beep of its horn, and Katie made her feet move to the
>sliding glass door. “Jay? Your cab’s here.”
>
>At first she didn’t think he’d heard her and was about
>to repeat herself when he suddenly turned and pushed
>past her into the house. Without a word he bent and
>picked up his bag from where it still lay in the
>middle of the floor, and walked quickly to the front
>door.

K, as a reader, I’m getting ticked at them both. What the heck? Why isn’t Jay more aggressive? He’s just going to leave? Really?

Two more adverbs. Suddenly can, and should be IMHO, shown. Walked quickly can be replaced with a stronger verb. A sound could be incorporated to make us see his quick stride.
>
>Katie trailed after him, thinking she should say
>something, but having no idea what it might be. She
>stood on the tiny porch and watched him stride down
>the curving walk toward the driveway and the waiting
>cab. Before he reached it, he stopped and turned to
>face her.

Oh, Katie, I think you’ve said enough hon.
>
>“You know what?” His voice was soft, but she heard
>every word as clear as if he were standing beside her.
> “I just thought you’d broken my heart before.”

Hmmmmm
>
>The full impact of his words struck her like a slap,
>and she gasped. Jay’s eyes sparkled with unshed
>tears, and the look in them was so pleading she felt
>the few remaining pieces of her own heart shatter.
>Summoning up every waning bit of her willpower, she
>took one step back, then another, then another, until
>she was standing in the doorway of the house.
>
>Jay’s eyes closed, and a tear trickled down his cheek.
> He flicked it away with his forefinger, then turned,
>and climbed into the backseat of the cab.

Hmmmm totally devastated I am too…

Flick doesn’t work for me here. I can’t picture it. I could picture him swiping it away but not flicking it. I guess it’s because of how his fingers would be used. I imagine a flick to be an index finger kicking off the thumb. A swipe using the curled side of the finger to get rid of something. *shrug*
>
>There was no way she could watch it drive away, not
>and continue to live. She backed into the house and
>closed the door. Sliding down the wall to the floor,
>she gripped her hair in her hands and went silently
>and thoroughly to pieces.

Arrrrggg!

Okay. *deep breath* Didn’t work. *another deep breath* Better. *G*

Double Arrrrgggg!!!! Two ly words!

Okay. Trying again.

*one deep breath in* *one deep exhale out*

There. I’m calm(er) now.

Is this the end end? Like we as readers won’t know what happened, or what? Cause I gotta say, I don’t like it. Uh uh. Not one little bit. You left me hanging!

First, let me say, I like this bit better than having her give in without Jay recognizing how hurt she was. Before Jay didn’t have to face any consequences for his actions. He came back, said he was sorry, and then after a few words, all was forgiven. It doesn’t work like that, and in this bit, I can see that Katie is stronger emotionally. I like that feeling I get. Jay did abandon her, and she shouldn’t just let him walk back in as if nothing had happened. What would prevent him from doing that to her again if things got tough? That part of the motivation I understand.

But, but, but, it can’t end end like this. And not just because I don’t want it to. But (and remember I’m a dedicated fan) what I don’t like is the fact that Jay just gave up. He walked out as if he’s washed his hands of her. He’s made a token effort, she called his bluff, so he leaves. She calls a cab and he just gives in? That’s not the Jay I want to triumph. If I understand correctly, he’s done some soul searching and then he came back to her. It is simple for him. He loves her and wants her back. She told him she loves him too. So? Jay isn’t even going to try to redeem her faith in him? Because she needs some time, he just leaves like an obedient puppy? Because you’ve done such a great job with him and portraying his passion for Katie, this doesn’t reflect the Jay Carey I’ve come to love. Where’s the attitude? The driving need he has for her?

So he finally gets that she’s serious. There are repercussions to walking out on her. I want (need) him to be a man and own up to it. But instead of remorse, I get the sense of anger from him. Instead of him acknowledging that he’ll work to make it up to her, to prove himself changed, and that he’s not the same man who abandoned her, he makes it about how her actions affect him. That’s like pulling the guilt card.

>“You know what?” His voice was soft, but she heard
>every word as clear as if he were standing beside her.
> “I just thought you’d broken my heart before.”

He comes across as bitter here to me. Call be judgemental, but I lost my sympathy for Jay himself when he uttered those few words. Not that I don’t want them to get back together with a need that seems ridiculous considering they are characters in a book, but these words prove Katie was right to be hesitant. Because as much as I hate to say it, if Jay really loved her, he’d put her needs first and not have to pull a guilt trip. Especially when I think they’ve both already admitted they made mistakes. And not once did he say he’d changed. Not once did he suggest starting over, put the past behind them and get to know each other all over again. Maybe that came before, I don’t know. From this scene I get the I said I’m sorry, so you have to take me back. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to see him beg, cause that’s not the dominantJay I know and love, but he needs to make some concessions. Not just I love you, so you’ll take me back. He needs to eat his slice of humble pie. Sure it can be simple, either she loves him, or she doesn’t, but his motivation is to get what they had back. Not walk away like a jerk acting the child.

And okay, I can see the appeal of having the reader make their own judgement as to whether they end up back together, but if that’s the case here, you need to give us some indication that both of them are willing to try. I think that’s missing.

And I think I’ve said enough. You know I enjoy this story, but in the end, it’s yours and you know the story and the characters way better than I do, so I know you’ll end up with the best ending possible for these two.

Hugs

Esther

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[> [> [> I've been hiding under a rock covered in snow and ice. Man, I detest winter weather... >>>> -- Page, 13:16:10 02/26/10 Fri

That's why I live in the Southern U.S., so I won't have to deal with that stuff. But we've been bombarded with the horrible frozen precip and I admit, it got to me. But I'm peeking out like the crocus in my front yard now and ready to get on wi' it!

>Missed you around here and I'm glad you're back!
>

Thank you! Me, too!
>
>>
>>Excerpt from Carey On
>>©2010 by Juli Page Morgan
>>Posted for purposes of critique only and does not
>>constitute publication
>>
>>Steel fingers seemed to be digging themselves into
>>Katie's throat. She tried to swallow past them, to
>>regain her voice to berate him more for the searing
>>hurt she'd felt when she'd realized he'd left her. But
>>she couldn't. His words had conjured up too many old
>>feelings, things she hadn't let herself feel for a
>>long time. She could hear the ticking of the clock on
>>the wall, but she felt again that time had stopped,
>>that the rotation of the earth had changed. She
>>attempted to fight against it, but just as before, it
>>would not be ignored.
>
>Very vivid! Although, and I’m sure if you hadn’t
>dumped me right into the midde, I’d have known these
>weren’t actually real fingers. Thought for a
>sec Katie was in the process of being choked. But I
>gots it now. But a nice way to show how staggered she
>was with Jay’s words.

I never looked at it that way, but you're right. I should reword this to read, "It seemed steel fingers were..." I should and I would.

>>Startled, Katie looked at him, her eyes wide. Jay
>>nodded. “You were more important. We were more
>>important. Nothing else mattered more to me than being
>>with you.” He raised his head and pinned her with his
>>gaze. “And nothing else matters more to me now.”
>
>K, you have two different people in the same
>paragraph. So what that means is because you started
>off with Katie, I’m thinking it’s her speaking. So
>when he raises his head and it’s him speaking the ‘And
>nothing else matters more to me now’ I had to go back
>and question who was speaking the first bit. And you
>know, I think it could have been either, so I suggest,
>you clarify if it was Katie by making her deserving of
>her own paragraph. If it was Jay, suggest the same.
>*G* Katie’s actions should have their own
>paragraph.

I see what you mean. Paragraphing corrected.
>>
>>She didn't want to see the complete conviction in his
>>eyes, but she couldn't look away.
>
>Well of course not! It’s JAY for pete’s sake! ;
>-)

And you'll never know the devil of the time I had getting her to stand up for herself. At heart, Katie's a doormat when it comes to Jay.
>
>>A phrase she had once read in a letter written by
>>Robert Browning to his beloved Elizabeth popped into
>>Katie's head. She whispered aloud, “I would not
>>exchange the sadness of being away from you for any
>>imaginable delight in which you had no part.”
>
>Am I suppost to know who Robert Browning and
>Elizabeth are? Just suggesting that wondering what
>they have to do with anything takes away from the
>quote.

Browning's quote, though, is so different from the way Katie speaks. I'm afraid that not clarifying that it is a quote from a poet would be even more jarring since it's not something Katie would say. Even if a reader isn't familiar with Browning and Barrett, at least this way they know it's a quote. Plus, I don't want to just say, "A quote Katie once read..." and leave the reader wondering, "A quote from who?
>
>If she’s whispering, it is out loud, as it isn’t in
>her head.

Yep, you're right. "Aloud" isn't needed.
>>
>>Jay took a quick, indrawn breath. “Do you mean that?”
>
>And Jay doesn’t appear to recognize she’s quoting
>either.

Probably not, not consciously. As a product of the British public school system, he's certainly studied Browning's poems and letters and on some level knows what Katie refers to. But even though he must realize it's a quote from something, he's just applying it to their present situation. I know when someone uses a quote in conversation with me a tiny part of my mind knows it's a quote, but I don't consciously think of who said it, just to what my friend might mean by it. Y'know?
>>
>>“Yes. No.” Too agitated to sit still, she jumped up,
>>and went to the patio doors, and stared with unseeing
>>eyes at the ocean. “I don’t know.”
>
>Stared unseeing not stared with unseeing eyes.
>What else do people see with when they look?

Good catch. Changed.
>>
>>Behind her, Jay heaved a distinctly irritated sounding
>>sigh. “That helps a lot.”
>
>Oooh! Oooh! An ‘ly’ word.
>
>And a sigh _is_ a sound so why is it just sounding
>like one? Suggest cutting what you can and finding a
>stronger verb
>
>Behind her Jay heaved a (disgusted, sickened,
>revolted, vulgar, crude, offensive, etc) sigh.

But wouldn't that be a POV break? Katie can only know how the sigh sounds to her. If I say "Jay heaved a frustrated sigh" wouldn't that be putting the POV in Jay's perspective? Katie couldn't know it was frustrated, but only that it sounded that way.
>>
>>Katie’s own irritation rose at his words. “Well, what
>>the hell did you expect?” She turned to face him.
>>“You show up out of thin air after all this time, and
>>start laying all this on me about how much you love me
>>and want me back, and start pressing me to make a
>>decision on the spot.”
>
>And here’s partly why. You’ve got an irritated
>sigh, and now irritation.

That's why I changed Jay's to frustrated. *G*
>>
>>“I should think it’s a simple one, Katie.” Jay got up
>>and came to stand beside her. “Either you love me or
>>you don’t.”
>
>Black or white. Pick one. Geez. Does he really
>think it’s that simple?

Yep. Because he's a man.
>>
>>“I’ve already told you I love you.” Katie narrowed
>>her eyes at him. “I just don’t know if I can believe
>>you.”
>
>How about trust him. He did ditch her after all.
>And that was after he scared her to death with what he
>was doing…

You nailed it. She does believe him; it's the trust she has a problem with. And she realized it later, but I know now I didn't express it as clearly as I should.
>>
>>Jay gave every appearance of a man who’d just been hit
>>over the head with a brick. “I should think that’s
>>simple, too. Either you believe me, or you don’t. I
>>don’t know what else I can do.” He pushed his hair
>>back with both hands, throwing the gray at his temples
>>into sharp relief. “I’ve told you how sorry I am, but
>>if you don’t believe that, then I’m at a complete loss
>>at what more to say.”
>
>If he’s just been hit over the head with a brick,
>how come he can speak up so fast. And just to be
>picky, what does that look look like? Opened mouth
>shock? Something else that I can’t picture? Show me!
>

Okay! *G*
>>
>>Believe him? Yes, she believed him, she realized that
>>now. But trust him? That was another matter. Behind
>>closed eyes, Katie saw again the yawning emptiness of
>>that closet. With that vision came the memory of how
>>it felt when her heart broke. The year of being
>>without him flashed through her mind – the hurt, the
>>tearing loneliness, and the sense of abandonment she’d
>>felt. She took a deep breath, and opened her eyes.
>>“There’s nothing more you can say.”
>
>She realized that now. When didn’t she realize she
>believed him? Moments ago? When he said it?
>
>I like the last bit she says. There _is_ nothing more
>he _could_ say. He has to prove it. Win her trust
>back. Right? So far so good.

And here's where I didn't explain Katie's thoughts well. Will work on this.
>>
>>Jay grew still. “What do you mean?”
>>
>>Katie shook her head. “I can’t do it, Jay. I just
>>don’t trust you not to run away if things get tough,
>>and I can’t live through that again.” She had to look
>>away from the absolute devastation she saw in his
>>eyes. “I can’t.”
>
>Still good. I’m understanding her motivation, and
>I’m believing her emotions are real. Very realistic
>in fact!

Thank you! Katie did not want me to write that! One of the few times I've had to make a character do something instead of them doing it on their own.
>>
>>The sound of his shuddering breath seemed to fill the
>>room, and she heard it clearly when he swallowed.
>>“Katie, I…” The strain in his voice made it almost
>>unrecognizable. “Do you want me to get down on my
>>knees and beg? Because if that’s what it takes, I…”
>
>almost recognizable? How so? How can something
>almost be there? It either is, or it isn’t. You know
>tone and such things as strain can be used to stress
>an emotion. The strain in his voice emphasized his
>sincerity. That way I’m not wondering how something
>that is there enough for me to notice, but not enough
>to actually be there. Almost doesn’t cut it. Almost
>is half measures and it clutters your word count. Try
>it. Read the sentence and see if taking out the
>almost changes the meaning.
>
>Another ly word. Can be cut without affecting the
>flow

Yeah, I let the -ly words creep back in here, didn't I? But I have to disagree with you about the "almost unrecognizable." If the strain in his voice made it unrecognizable, it wouldn't sound like Jay. But with the clarifyer "almost", it still sounds like him, it's still his voice, but so unlike his normal speaking voice to make her sit up and take notice. "Damn, that almost doesn't even sound like Jay!"
>>
>>“No!” She whirled to face him. “Don’t you dare.
>>That would be the final insult to what we had.”
>
>No doubt!
>>
>>“What we have, Katie!”
>
>No doubt!
>
>Geez, which one and am I routing for here anyway?????
> Arrrrrggggg!!!!

Irritating, innit? *G*
>>
>>Looking into the depths of his tortured, hazel eyes,
>>she slowly shook her head.
>
>slowly can be cut or find another verb

Reworking.
>>
>>“No,” he whispered. “I refuse to accept that.” He
>>raked his hair back again, and turned away from her.
>
>That’s my Jay! Don’t give up!
>>
>>The dejected slump of his shoulders made her ache to
>>take him in her arms and comfort him, but she knew to
>>do so would be unspeakably cruel. To both of them.
>>Blinded by a rush of tears, she walked to the
>>telephone, and pulled the directory from the drawer
>>underneath. She had to act quickly before her resolve
>>broke. Forcing the words past the lump in her throat,
>>she spoke over her shoulder. “I’ll call a cab for
>>you.”
>
>Huh???? WTF???
>
>And two more adverbs. Both are unnecessary
>>
>>“Oh, Christ.” Jay’s voice broke on the last word, and
>>Katie saw that his hands were clenched so hard the
>>knuckles turned white. Startling her, he strode to
>>the patio door and slid it open with a yank. The rain
>>had stopped, and Jay continued out onto the deck where
>>he gripped the wooden railing with the same leashed
>>ferocity with which he’d clenched his fists.
>
>Okay, I thought he had already walked over to her.
>Let me go back…Yup…did he walk away at some point
>prior to this? Cause when Katie walked to the
>telephone, he was standing by the patio doors. Or did
>I miss something?
>
>And what’s up with the rain stopping? Shouldn’t it be
>drizzling or something? Or are you using it to
>foreshadow that this isn’t all doom and gloom?

Good catch! I missed that. Will have him startle her by yanking open the door.

As for the rain, well...He's still Jay Carey - no matter how badly Katie's thrown him for a loop, he's still wearing a nice linen suit and it would be out of character for him to charge out into the rain.
>>
>>The twenty minutes it took for the cab to arrive were
>>the longest Katie could remember in some time. She
>>didn’t dare join Jay on the deck, but she couldn’t
>>keep her eyes from him. It frightened her the way he
>>didn’t move, but remained staring out at the water,
>>the damp ocean-borne breeze whipping his hair.
>
>K, you’ve taken us away from the tension filled
>time while they waited. So what did she do with
>herself for those twenty minutes? Stand at the
>counter and ogle him? No thoughts we need to be privy
>to? No emotion as she stood there. No wiping her
>face clear of tears? No sniffling? No burning behind
>her eyes as she forces herself not to cry? Anything?
>Tension should be used while it still has power. This
>way it fades and the cab honking isn’t nearly as
>strong, as jarring and unwanted sound as it could be.
>Does that make sense?

It does. I'll work on this so it won't interrupt the flow or the tension.
>>
>>The arrival of the taxi was announced with a brief
>>beep of its horn, and Katie made her feet move to the
>>sliding glass door. “Jay? Your cab’s here.”
>>
>>At first she didn’t think he’d heard her and was about
>>to repeat herself when he suddenly turned and pushed
>>past her into the house. Without a word he bent and
>>picked up his bag from where it still lay in the
>>middle of the floor, and walked quickly to the front
>>door.
>
>K, as a reader, I’m getting ticked at them both.
>What the heck? Why isn’t Jay more aggressive? He’s
>just going to leave? Really?

Yep. Will attempt to explain below.
>>
>>Katie trailed after him, thinking she should say
>>something, but having no idea what it might be. She
>>stood on the tiny porch and watched him stride down
>>the curving walk toward the driveway and the waiting
>>cab. Before he reached it, he stopped and turned to
>>face her.
>
>Oh, Katie, I think you’ve said enough hon.
>>
>>“You know what?” His voice was soft, but she heard
>>every word as clear as if he were standing beside her.
>> “I just thought you’d broken my heart before.”
>
>Hmmmmm
>>
>>The full impact of his words struck her like a slap,
>>and she gasped. Jay’s eyes sparkled with unshed
>>tears, and the look in them was so pleading she felt
>>the few remaining pieces of her own heart shatter.
>>Summoning up every waning bit of her willpower, she
>>took one step back, then another, then another, until
>>she was standing in the doorway of the house.
>>
>>Jay’s eyes closed, and a tear trickled down his cheek.
>> He flicked it away with his forefinger, then turned,
>>and climbed into the backseat of the cab.
>
>Hmmmm totally devastated I am too…
>
>Flick doesn’t work for me here. I can’t picture it.
>I could picture him swiping it away but not flicking
>it. I guess it’s because of how his fingers would be
>used. I imagine a flick to be an index finger kicking
>off the thumb. A swipe using the curled side of the
>finger to get rid of something. *shrug*

I see what you mean. "Flick" seems too flippant for what he does.
>>
>>There was no way she could watch it drive away, not
>>and continue to live. She backed into the house and
>>closed the door. Sliding down the wall to the floor,
>>she gripped her hair in her hands and went silently
>>and thoroughly to pieces.
>
>Arrrrggg!
>
>Okay. *deep breath* Didn’t work. *another deep
>breath* Better. *G*
>
>Double Arrrrgggg!!!! Two ly words!
>
>Okay. Trying again.
>
>*one deep breath in* *one deep exhale out*
>
>There. I’m calm(er) now.
>
>Is this the end end? Like we as readers won’t know
>what happened, or what? Cause I gotta say, I don’t
>like it. Uh uh. Not one little bit. You left me
>hanging!
>
>First, let me say, I like this bit better than having
>her give in without Jay recognizing how hurt she was.
>Before Jay didn’t have to face any consequences for
>his actions. He came back, said he was sorry, and
>then after a few words, all was forgiven. It doesn’t
>work like that, and in this bit, I can see that Katie
>is stronger emotionally. I like that feeling I get.
>Jay did abandon her, and she shouldn’t just let him
>walk back in as if nothing had happened. What would
>prevent him from doing that to her again if things got
>tough? That part of the motivation I understand.
>
>But, but, but, it can’t end end like this. And not
>just because I don’t want it to. But (and remember
>I’m a dedicated fan) what I don’t like is the fact
>that Jay just gave up. He walked out as if he’s
>washed his hands of her. He’s made a token effort,
>she called his bluff, so he leaves. She calls a cab
>and he just gives in? That’s not the Jay I want to
>triumph. If I understand correctly, he’s done some
>soul searching and then he came back to her. It is
>simple for him. He loves her and wants her back. She
>told him she loves him too. So? Jay isn’t even going
>to try to redeem her faith in him? Because she needs
>some time, he just leaves like an obedient puppy?
>Because you’ve done such a great job with him and
>portraying his passion for Katie, this doesn’t reflect
>the Jay Carey I’ve come to love. Where’s the
>attitude? The driving need he has for her?
>
>So he finally gets that she’s serious. There are
>repercussions to walking out on her. I want (need)
>him to be a man and own up to it. But instead of
>remorse, I get the sense of anger from him. Instead
>of him acknowledging that he’ll work to make it up to
>her, to prove himself changed, and that he’s not the
>same man who abandoned her, he makes it about how her
>actions affect him. That’s like pulling the guilt
>card.
>
>>“You know what?” His voice was soft, but she heard
>>every word as clear as if he were standing beside her.
>> “I just thought you’d broken my heart before.”
>
>He comes across as bitter here to me. Call be
>judgemental, but I lost my sympathy for Jay himself
>when he uttered those few words. Not that I don’t
>want them to get back together with a need that seems
>ridiculous considering they are characters in a book,
>but these words prove Katie was right to be hesitant.
>Because as much as I hate to say it, if Jay really
>loved her, he’d put her needs first and not have to
>pull a guilt trip. Especially when I think they’ve
>both already admitted they made mistakes. And not
>once did he say he’d changed. Not once did he suggest
>starting over, put the past behind them and get to
>know each other all over again. Maybe that came
>before, I don’t know. From this scene I get the I
>said I’m sorry, so you have to take me back. Don’t
>get me wrong, I don’t want to see him beg, cause
>that’s not the dominantJay I know and love, but he
>needs to make some concessions. Not just I love you,
>so you’ll take me back. He needs to eat his slice of
>humble pie. Sure it can be simple, either she loves
>him, or she doesn’t, but his motivation is to get what
>they had back. Not walk away like a jerk acting the
>child.
>
>And okay, I can see the appeal of having the reader
>make their own judgement as to whether they end up
>back together, but if that’s the case here, you need
>to give us some indication that both of them are
>willing to try. I think that’s missing.
>
>And I think I’ve said enough. You know I enjoy this
>story, but in the end, it’s yours and you know the
>story and the characters way better than I do, so I
>know you’ll end up with the best ending possible for
>these two.

No, no! It's not the end! They do end up together. Deep breaths, Esther, deep breaths. *G*

When Katie came home that day and Jay was gone with no explanation whatsoever, she didn't have any closure. She was still left wondering what happened and left with a sense that she'd done something to bring it about. She couldn't think beyond having him back and finding out what his deal was. Now that he's told her (it's earlier in this chapter - he does apologize and beg forgiveness and tells her it was nothing she did, it was all him), she can think of everything else, about the betrayal of her trust and what she sees as broken promises. But she needs time to absorb those thoughts and, now that she can think past just having him back, she has to consider whether or not she can trust him. So she tells him to leave. She can't think when he's near her since all she wants to do it have him hold her. And she knows what that would lead to and as much as she wants it, she knows it would only cloud the issue.

And Jay? He's such a man. Maureen said it best in the next chapter:

At first, [Katie had] been pissed to a high degree at what she perceived as his high-handed manner, just striding in and thinking everything would be alright again. She’d said as much to Maureen before her friend starting yelling at her, but Maur had taken a more philosophical view of things.

“He’s a man, Katie. What did you expect? Did you think Nicky was any different when he and I started talking about getting back together? It must be the testosterone. If they say, ‘I’m sorry, I love you,’ and really mean it, then they truly expect things to be mended. It’s just the way the bloody fools think.”


As a black-and-white thinking male, Jay was flummoxed when Katie didn't take him back. After all, he'd told her he loved her - and she'd told him she still loved him, for Pete's sake! - and he'd sincerely apologized and promised never to do something like that again. He didn't understand why she wanted him to leave. His leaving had caused all this shit, right? So why was she calling him a bloody cab? How were they supposed to work things out if they weren't together? He honestly didn't understand. Even Adam had told him that Katie still loved him and would take him back. "She'll rip you a new one, but she'll take you back." (And in Adam's defense - yeah, I know, I know! *G* - Katie certainly left him with that impression.) It was so unexpected, Jay didn't know what to do, so he did what she said she wanted him to do - leave. His last comment wasn't meant to be bitter, though. Although Katie has realized she does believe he loves her and that he's sorry, she hasn't verbalized this to him. Jay thinks she doesn't believe he's serious. If she knew, if she realized how it was breaking his heart, she'd let him stay to work things out, right? So he told her his heart was breaking. And she backed away from him. That blew his mind. It was the lack of knowing what more to do that made him ultimately climb into that taxi.

Of course, later he realizes that he's fucked up again. He did just what Katie thought he might do - leave. He wasn't walking out on her again, but he realizes she saw it that way and he can't believe what an idiot he was. This all comes out in the next chapters, because he comes back, determined to prove to her that she can trust him. He doesn't quite know how to do it without pushing her away, but he starts by letting her get used to him again and by giving her room to think while still being there almost every time she turns around. Of course, being a male, sometimes he goes about it in a hard-headed way:

An hour later, her pace was brisk as she headed home. She’d gone further than she’d intended and the approaching nightfall was accompanied by the lowering of the temperature. Head down, she hurried toward her house, shivering in the inadequate shorts and T-shirt she was wearing. A whiff of cigarette smoke as she passed the house next door made her glance up toward the deck, and right into Jay’s smiling face.

“Hello, love.”

In her surprise, her feet tangled together and she landed with an undignified plop in the sand. Still gawking up at the deck, she shook her hair out of her eyes. “What the fuck are you doing here?” A disquieting thought took root in her head, and she scrambled to her feet.

Jay’s smile broadened as he confirmed her suspicions. “It’s my house. Why shouldn’t I be here?”

“Your house?” The cool evening breeze blew her hair in her eyes, and she brushed it back with an impatient motion. “Did you just say this is your house?”

“Mm-hm.” Jay raised his cigarette to his lips and the tip glowed red for an instant as he inhaled. “I bought it last week.”

“Why?” Gooseflesh broke out on her chilled skin, but in her shock she barely noticed.

Jay blew smoke out in a thin stream and leaned his hip against the railing of his deck. “Because I love you, that’s why. I left you once, but I’ll be damned if I ever do it again. This is my modernized way of hanging round and playing my guitar under your window.” He held up a hand to forestall the outburst he must have seen in her expression. “I know you don’t trust me, but I intend to show you that you can. And I can’t do that if I’m living in London and you’re living here.”

Rendered speechless, Katie gave him a look that could have frozen every daiquiri in a two mile radius before whirling toward her own house.

“Oh, and Katie?” His voice stopped her in her tracks. “If you’re thinking about leaving, know that I’ll follow you.”

“To prove I can trust you?”

“That’s right.”

Lips tight with vexation, Katie looked back over her shoulder. “What if I trust you to leave me alone?”

“Nice try, Mrs. Carey.” Jay laughed low in his throat and took another drag off his cigarette. “But it won’t work.”


In any case, they do end up reaching a place where they can talk without rancor. And they do end up together. All will be revealed...

Hugs back!

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[> [> [> [> *WHEW* You had me worried! *G* I'll just wait patiently. >>> -- Esther, 08:24:25 03/05/10 Fri

Not. When the heck can I read the whole book??? Soon???

Oh, and our winter has been unseasonably warm. I didn't have to shovel once this year and usually I'm out there for hours with the kids digging a pathway to civilization. But then again, the DS is big enough now for almost man sized labour so I let him do what needed to be done and I swept the floor. *G* But anyway, it's like spring here, and soon I'll be wishing for that pool boy. ;-)

Hugs

Esther

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[> [> [> Re: Seriously?! That's all it posted?!...*grumble* ...pos.... -- Debi, 19:14:20 03/04/10 Thu

Okay, once aagin, this time with feeling. Same copyright statment applies.
**************
“I knew this was a bad idea.”

Valerie lagged behind Daniel as they climbed the trail through the trees. A hike up to the summit of Wayah Bald seemed like a good idea when he’d suggested it. Now, however, faced with the reality of the narrow path, rocky footing and steep slopes, Valerie was rapidly losing her enthusiasm. She almost ran into Daniel as he paused, waiting for her.

“You were excited when I suggested it earlier.” Of course he wasn’t out of breath. Or the slightest bit nervous about the elevation. Valerie glanced downslope and gulped.

“I was, then, before I was faced with certain death.”

“Come on, silly goose. The path is perfectly safe. I won’t let you fall.” He moved aside to let an older woman and a little girl pass them.

“Y’all up here for the first time?” The lady paused, smiling at them.

“Yes ma’am. Though I think I’m a little more enthusiastic.”

“Don’t worry, sweetie.” The old woman shifted her walking stick so she could pat Valerie’s arm.” It’s an easy climb and the view is magnificent.” She glanced over at her companion. “Me and my granddaughter come here at least once a month. Have been since she was a wee thing. Enjoy! The two continued their steady ascent. Daniel met Valerie’s eyes and raised his brows.

“Don’t say a word, adrenaline freak. I’m climbing.” Daniel’s chuckle drifted down as they resumed their hike.

“’Let’s go to North Carolina, you’ll love it up there. You’ve never been to the mountains before. You said you’d like to see the Smokys.’” Valerie’s bad-tempered mocking of past conversations only made the snort from above louder.

“You should save your breath. You’re not used to the altitude.”

“I’m a flatlander, of course I’m not used to the altitude.” Her sentence ended in a squeak as a stone rolled under her shoe and she slipped. Before she could slide more than a couple of feet, Daniel’s hand caught her wrist, stopping her fall and hauling her back to her feet.
Eyes wide, she clung to him like a leech.

“You all right?”

“On the verge of a heart attack, nothing major.”

He brushed her off and looked up the trail. The other two had already vanished. “We can go back if you want, but we’re almost there.” He ducked his head down to look into her eyes. “What do you say?”

“Never give up, never surrender.” Valerie wanted nothing more than to retreat back down the path to the waiting car. But then she’d have to endure the terrifying ride back down to the highway on the steep gravel road, not to mention the silent teasing from Daniel. Looking with dubious confidence at the rest of the trail, she nodded. “Lead on, kemosabe.”

She slipped once more as they reached the top of the huge rock. She held Daniel’s hand like a lifeline; as far as she was concerned, it was.

The top was paved with flagstones and had a waist-high wall. Fall was just touching the vegetation with a festive palette and the slopes of the surrounding mountains were covered with trees of every color imaginable.

A long intake of breath and ‘wow’ was the best she could manage. It was glorious. Daniel squeezed her hand.

“You can let go now. Trust me.”

So she did.

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[> [> [> [> I found it! And thank goodness I get it now! I thought it was me with just not enough caffine when I read it yesterday *G* >>> -- Esther, 08:04:07 03/05/10 Fri

Sorry I didn't get here earlier Debi. I've been swamped with work, and then my daughter had the audacity to be born at the beginning of this month, so I had to do the ol' birthday thing. Oh, yeah, and I'm trying to get enough done around here so that I can take off to Surrey for the next week and visit the inlaws.

Anyway...I always enjoy getting a sneak peek into this world. And you did a great job showing her apprehension. I really liked how she kept slipping when the little girl and her grandma just pushed on past with no problems whatsoever. Even with a walking stick. And I suspect Daniel keeps putting her into these situations just so she can cling to him. *sigh*

Hugs

Esther

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[> [> [> [> [> Thanks Esther! No, not a lack of caffeine... -- Debi, 13:03:26 03/05/10 Fri

>Sorry I didn't get here earlier Debi. I've been
>swamped with work, and then my daughter had the
>audacity to be born at the beginning of this month, so
>I had to do the ol' birthday thing. Oh, yeah, and I'm
>trying to get enough done around here so that I can
>take off to Surrey for the next week and visit the
>inlaws.
>
>Anyway...I always enjoy getting a sneak peek into this
>world. And you did a great job showing her
>apprehension. I really liked how she kept slipping
>when the little girl and her grandma just pushed on
>past with no problems whatsoever. Even with a walking
>stick. And I suspect Daniel keeps putting her into
>these situations just so she can cling to him. *sigh*
>
>Hugs
>
>Esther

I thought a nice contrast between her and the lady with her granddaughter would point up just what a chicken she is with heights, just like me. I loved my visit to NC, but I'm thinking it would take a lot of getting used to, elevation and heights-wise for me...

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