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> >>>Steel fingers seemed to be digging themselves into >>>Katie's throat. She tried to swallow past them, to >>>regain her voice to berate him more for the searing >>>hurt she'd felt when she'd realized he'd left her. >But >>>she couldn't. His words had conjured up too many old >>>feelings, things she hadn't let herself feel for a >>>long time. She could hear the ticking of the clock on >>>the wall, but she felt again that time had stopped, >>>that the rotation of the earth had changed. She >>>attempted to fight against it, but just as before, it >>>would not be ignored.>> >>>“We didn't throw it away then, Katie. Remember? We >>>wanted each other, and we did what we had to do to be >>>together, things we never thought we'd do. We ignored >>>everything and everyone who got in our way. But even >>>though it hurt people close to us, I’d do it again.” ><B> >They did do whatever it took to be together. A tribute >to the power of their connection. I can understand why >Jay thinks that Katie will do the same again. But that >agony of betrayal is a hard obstacle to overcome.</B> >>> >>>Startled, Katie looked at him, her eyes wide. Jay >>>nodded. “You were more important. <i>We</i> were more >>>important. Nothing else mattered more to me than >being >>>with you.” He raised his head and pinned her with his >>>gaze. “And nothing else matters more to me now.” >>> >>>She didn't want to see the complete conviction in >his >>>eyes, but she couldn't look away. >>> >>>“I'm only half alive without you, Katie. Even when >>>things turned to total shite in our lives, it was >>>still a million times better than anything I have >>now.” >> >>>A phrase she had once read in a letter written by >>>Robert Browning to his beloved Elizabeth popped into >>>Katie's head. She whispered aloud, “I would not >>>exchange the sadness of being away from you for any >>>imaginable delight in which you had no part.” >> >><b/> I've always loved that line...</b> >>> >>>Jay took a quick, indrawn breath. “Do you mean that?” >>> >>>“Yes. No.” Too agitated to sit still, she jumped >up, >>>and went to the patio doors, and stared with unseeing >>>eyes at the ocean. “I don’t know.” ><B>I know this feeling well. You feel all of it, all >roads are open and closed at the same time</B> >>>Behind her, Jay heaved a distinctly irritated >sounding >>>sigh. “That helps a lot.” >>> >>>Katie’s own irritation rose at his words. “Well, >what >>>the hell did you expect?” She turned to face him. >>>“You show up out of thin air after all this time, and >>>start laying all this on me about how much you love >me >>>and want me back, and start pressing me to make a >>>decision on the spot.” >>> >>>“I should think it’s a simple one, Katie.” Jay got >up >>>and came to stand beside her. “Either you love me or >>>you don’t.” >>> >>>“I’ve already told you I love you.” Katie narrowed >>>her eyes at him. “I just don’t know if I can believe >>>you.” >>> >>>Jay gave every appearance of a man who’d just been >hit >>>over the head with a brick. “I should think that’s >>>simple, too. Either you believe me, or you don’t. ><B>Sorry, mate. It <I>isn't</I> simple at all...</B> I >>>don’t know what else I can do.” He pushed his hair >>>back with both hands, throwing the gray at his >temples >>>into sharp relief. “I’ve told you how sorry I am, >but >>>if you don’t believe that, then I’m at a complete >loss >>>at what more to say.” >>> >>>Believe him? Yes, she believed him, she realized >that >>>now. But trust him? That was another matter. Behind >>>closed eyes, Katie saw again the yawning emptiness of >>>that closet. With that vision came the memory of how >>>it felt when her heart broke. The year of being >>>without him flashed through her mind – the hurt, the >>>tearing loneliness, and the sense of abandonment >she’d >>>felt. She took a deep breath, and opened her eyes. >>>“There’s nothing more you <i>can</i> say.” >>> >>>Jay grew still. “What do you mean?” >>> >>>Katie shook her head. “I can’t do it, Jay. I just >>>don’t trust you not to run away if things get tough, >>>and I can’t live through that again.” She had to >look >>>away from the absolute devastation she saw in his >>>eyes. “I can’t.” >> ><B>Wow. Just wow... She did it.Wow...</B> >>>The sound of his shuddering breath seemed to fill the >>>room, and she heard it clearly when he swallowed. >>>“Katie, I…” The strain in his voice made it almost >>>unrecognizable. “Do you want me to get down on my >>>knees and beg? Because if that’s what it takes, I…” >>> >>>“No!” She whirled to face him. “Don’t you dare. >>>That would be the final insult to what we had.” >>> >>>“What we <i>have</i>, Katie!” >>> >>>Looking into the depths of his tortured, hazel eyes, >>>she slowly shook her head. >>> >>>“No,” he whispered. “I refuse to accept that.” He >>>raked his hair back again, and turned away from her. > >>> >>>The dejected slump of his shoulders made her ache to >>>take him in her arms and comfort him, but she knew to >>>do so would be unspeakably cruel. To both of them. >>>Blinded by a rush of tears, she walked to the >>>telephone, and pulled the directory from the drawer >>>underneath. She had to act quickly before her >resolve >>>broke. Forcing the words past the lump in her >throat, >>>she spoke over her shoulder. “I’ll call a cab for >>>you.” >> >>>“Oh, Christ.” Jay’s voice broke on the last word, >and >>>Katie saw that his hands were clenched so hard the >>>knuckles turned white. Startling her, he strode to >>>the patio door and slid it open with a yank. The >rain >>>had stopped, and Jay continued out onto the deck >where >>>he gripped the wooden railing with the same leashed >>>ferocity with which he’d clenched his fists. >>> >>>The twenty minutes it took for the cab to arrive were >>>the longest Katie could remember in some time. She >>>didn’t dare join Jay on the deck, but she couldn’t >>>keep her eyes from him. It frightened her the way he >>>didn’t move, but remained staring out at the water, >>>the damp ocean-borne breeze whipping his hair. >>> >>>The arrival of the taxi was announced with a brief >>>beep of its horn, and Katie made her feet move to the >>>sliding glass door. “Jay? Your cab’s here.” >>> >>>At first she didn’t think he’d heard her and was >about >>>to repeat herself when he suddenly turned and pushed >>>past her into the house. Without a word he bent and >>>picked up his bag from where it still lay in the >>>middle of the floor, and walked quickly to the front >>>door. >>> >>>Katie trailed after him, thinking she should say >>>something, but having no idea what it might be. She >>>stood on the tiny porch and watched him stride down >>>the curving walk toward the driveway and the waiting >>>cab. Before he reached it, he stopped and turned to >>>face her. >>> >>>“You know what?” His voice was soft, but she heard >>>every word as clear as if he were standing beside >her. >>> “I just thought you’d broken my heart before.” >> ><B>Damn that expressive man.Just when she thinks the >most agonizing day of her life is done, it gets >wirse...</B>>>The full impact of his words struck her >like a slap, >>>and she gasped. Jay’s eyes sparkled with unshed >>>tears, and the look in them was so pleading she felt >>>the few remaining pieces of her own heart shatter. >>>Summoning up every waning bit of her willpower, she >>>took one step back, then another, then another, until >>>she was standing in the doorway of the house. >>> >>>Jay’s eyes closed, and a tear trickled down his >cheek. >>> He flicked it away with his forefinger, then turned, >>>and climbed into the backseat of the cab. >>> >>>There was no way she could watch it drive away, not >>>and continue to live. She backed into the house and >>>closed the door. Sliding down the wall to the floor, >>>she gripped her hair in her hands and went silently >>>and thoroughly to pieces. > ><B> >This is the way you prolong the agony for the reader. >Make it seem impossible for them to be together. >Absolutely brilliant. Well done Page!!</B?
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